tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86621712496384168052024-03-18T08:34:11.111-07:00The Commercial CurmudgeonSince 2009John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.comBlogger3390125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-23155885345274949922024-03-17T09:48:00.000-07:002024-03-17T09:48:46.522-07:00Gentrification.com<p> </p><div><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/OpdsTqwBrjQ?si=pq3QYC_kkf7EFOUs" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe></div><div><br /></div><div>So an elderly black guy just trying to play chess with himself (I guess) in his neighborhood park finds himself harassed to distraction by some privileged white woman who wants to know if his neighborhood is good enough for her to move into and ruin. No doubt she wants to know if there's a Trader Joe's, Whole Foods and Starbucks within walking distance, not that she'll ever actually walk to any of them, and if most people in the vicinity are as, um, coffee-colored as he is. </div><div><br /></div><div>Eventually she's reminded that she's rich and white and there's this company that is perfectly happy to do all of her searching for her- a company that's going to land a helicopter practically on top of the poor black man she's been condescending to talk to and whisk her away to Just The Right Neighborhood - that is, a neighborhood that has enough minorities to allow her to Virtue Signal but not enough to make her feel nervous as she walks from her BMW to the front door of the Brownstone she got a great deal on because the previous owners got hit hard by Covid and a lack of generational wealth. </div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-53359446289719559392024-03-16T09:20:00.000-07:002024-03-16T09:20:33.464-07:00Uber Eats "Solves" a problem nobody has<p> </p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Y7mLeyIETu0?si=Rf5DcS40abinW0sG" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe>
<div><br /></div><div>The bottom line to this typically overproduced (it was, after all, a Superbowl ad) idiocy is: don't forget Uber Eats delivers food so you don't have to get up off the couch except to go answer the door, ever.</div><div><br /></div><div>Don't worry, Uber Eats. Americans are well aware that it's never been easier to be immobile. First there were restaurants. Then fast-food restaurants. Then drive-thrus, because who has time/energy to walk into a building these days We Are All So Very Very Busy After All. We've had pizza delivery for more than fifty years. And now- with a special boost from that Disease That Shall Not Be Named- we have Door Dash and Uber Eats, so when we "don't feel like" cooking and also "don't feel like" driving to a fast food place and "don't feel like" just going to sleep instead of eating AGAIN and "don't feel like" doing without ANYTHING EVER, we can just swipe an App on our phones (we always feel like doing that) and strip ourselves of even more disposable income by making an impulse purchase of empty calories so we don't get distracted from Netflix or that video game we are NOT addicted to so Shut Up. </div><div><br /></div><div>Oh and these two people were on some inexplicably popular <i>Seinfeld</i> rip-off from the 1990s. One of them has had something of a career since then, though not much unless you compare it to the other guy's. Remember? Me neither, actually. </div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-18312324012817329212024-03-15T15:31:00.000-07:002024-03-15T15:32:07.057-07:00Just a few quick questions about this Discover Card Commercial.<p> </p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/7acC86YdN3Y?si=j_y2TZXg99i-1lrA" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe>
<div><br /></div><div>1. Who is Jennifer Coolidge? Am I supposed to know, or care? What was she in that I would have seen if I went to the theater or watched network television? Or was she on some show that's only on a streaming service, of which I have zero? Ok, that's a lot more than one question but they all really boil down to one.</div><div><br /></div><div>2. Why is this person calling Discover? We never find out. She's too engrossed in a conversation with what may or may not be an actual human. I wonder if she even remembers the purpose of her call. Considering that she seems to be calling from her kitchen at 2 AM, maybe she just called to hear a human voice. Or a robot voice. Either way, kind of sad.</div><div><br /></div><div>3. Is this supposed to be funny? If so, funny to whom, exactly? I can't ask YouTubers because the comments are turned off. </div><div><br /></div><div>4. Why are there a whole series of these commercials? What is going on here? Are these the ads that convinced Capital One to buy this card? So many questions, so few answers. So little point. </div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-54202181539020297362024-03-14T03:04:00.000-07:002024-03-14T03:04:40.549-07:00Wendy's March Madness Commercial: Making Obesity Great Again<p> </p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/NHxd9xpoeD0?si=1kWO8ePK5gHu5juX" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe><div><br /></div><div>Personally, if a couple of obviously mentally deranged lunatics ran up to me while I was trying to eat my greaseburger at my local Wendy's and proceeded to rant about Whatever, I'd get out of there fast. I sure wouldn't remind myself to come back. And I'd be absolutely horrified to find that the people standing in front of my table and yelling at me where the same people who prepared my food. Um, pass.</div><div><br /></div><div>But it sure is good to know that Wendy's has made it cheap to eat life-shortening crud in large quantities again, just like in the good old days before the Pandemic that Shall not be Named and the onslaught of inflation. Take that Biden!<br />
<div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-37200707657947104322024-03-10T10:32:00.000-07:002024-03-10T10:32:48.685-07:00Paramount+Superbowl+Familiar Actors+Absolutely No Ideas= A Really, Really Stupid Commercial <p> </p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/YKzk1h7qrj8?si=-styrfgIFTWKg4pY" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe>
<div><br /></div><div>I really don't have much to add after watching a commercial that just keeps repeating "this is as stupid as it gets" and then replying to itself "hold my beer." I can only be grateful that Paramount didn't decide to make this ad any longer, because I have zero doubt that, given more time, it would have broken every record for Sustained Pointlessness out there.</div><div><br /></div><div>Just wondering how producers who find their operating costs slashed by Paramount feel after watching this banal waste of several million dollars. I bet a thoroughly educational documentary could have been made just for the CGI budget. </div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-37004769932753022402024-03-09T17:30:00.000-08:002024-03-09T17:30:43.276-08:00Delightfully Understated Sexism from Select Insurance<p> </p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/4uaUm5QvKLw?si=0uPTXKXn6SrHoPLn" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe><div><br /></div><div>Hey look, it's another commercial featuring an idiot dad who keeps screwing up until mom takes control of the situation and sets everything right. Never seen that in a commercial before, have we?</div><div><br /></div><div>Seriously, though- this guy starts off by suggesting everything is fine while the car he presumably bought (I don't see mom taking any part in the choice of car purchases until the very end) is way too small for his daughters. Then he comes home with a Jeep, which gets a thumbs-down from Mom (at this point we really wonder why she doesn't just go with the guy to get a car or leave him at home and pick it out herself- is she afraid he'll accidentally kill himself or the kids while she's gone?)</div><div><br /></div><div>Everything gets resolved when MommyWife finally drags her stupid BoyHusband to a Select Insurance Agent who is, thankfully, a female so she doesn't have to worry about Dopey Worthless Man being enabled by another Dopey Worthless Man behind a desk. It all works out because Dad takes a back seat and lets the Women set things straight. Yay. </div><div><br /></div><div>Now if we can just keep dad- who has to drive the new car because He's The Guy After All- from wandering off and buying a boat or a motorcycle on a whim because Guys Are Stupid, this family should be ok. <br />
<div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-46440465222509047782024-03-09T04:10:00.000-08:002024-03-09T04:10:24.472-08:00At Sonic, it's never been cheaper to kill yourself with food<p> </p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/YJKqlTdvHBA?si=FwgVUhyib1UAdwje" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe><div><br /></div><div>If you actually consume this entire two-for-$7 deal* you'll be taking in more than 2000 calories, fully half of which consists of fat- and a lot of that fat is the saturated kind. And I'm being generous and assuming that the drink is a calorie-free diet soda. It's basically an entire day's worth of calories for an active adult- and don't tell me that anyone who would actually ingest this crap is making this their only meal of the day.</div><div><br /></div><div>I suppose this would be ok as a once-a-year treat, but Sonic isn't selling this as a once-a-year treat. Sonic would like you to see this as a perfectly reasonable meal option. Never mind that it's only reasonable if you are struggling to gain weight or have just given up on life altogether. This kind of "food" would leave me completely exhausted minutes after eating it, and very very hungry only a few hours later. In short, it's a bad deal all around.</div><div><br /></div><div>*And don't even try to tell me that Sonic expects two people to share this meal. There's only one drink here. Nope- if two people waddle into Sonic for this deal, Sonic expects each person to hand over $7- plus a few more bucks for the two drinks not included. </div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-56074192037364538912024-03-08T03:56:00.000-08:002024-03-08T03:56:59.888-08:00Southwest Airlines: No fees...but maybe, no seat either?<p> </p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/fMdG9s5sxLM?si=uXMNFFZmpyTQp0v7" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe>
<div><br /></div><div>Here's another one of those stupid ads that uses the "real people being flummoxed by ridiculous rules/questions/policies etc." meme that we've seen a hundred times already, pounding the "we're better because we don't have this stuff" message into our brains over and over again- a message we GET ten seconds in but for some reason are subjected to for a full minute Because We Dumb.</div><div><br /></div><div>Setting aside the fact that nobody with two functioning brain cells would believe for one moment that these are Real People Not Wannabee Actors following a script, let's talk about Southwest Airlines' "No Hidden Fees" claim for a moment, shall we?</div><div><br /></div><div>It's true that Southwest Airlines won't charge you for an ice cube. Neither will any other airline, but whatever. It's also true that Southwest Airlines won't charge you for trying to sit wherever you want on the plane. That's not because Southwest Airlines is "nice," it's because Southwest Airlines is CHEAP and leaves the fighting over seats to you and your fellow passengers. Like walking down an aisle trying to find an empty seat is superior to just going to the one you know is waiting for you. Please. </div><div><br /></div><div>But I wonder why we don't see one of these "actors" being told that they are so fat that they are spilling into someone else's seat, and need to buy another seat rather than commit second degree assault on a fellow passenger. Because Southwest Airlines has a "Passenger of Size" policy in which a (let's use the current preferred terminology) "Person in a Larger Body" may be given a free extra seat (or even TWO free extra seats) if they are too big to fit in one. They can either request this seat in advance, or pay for an extra seat(s) and then get a refund after the flight. </div><div><br /></div><div>Why don't you mention this in the ad, Southwest Airlines? Is it because this policy has actually lead you to BOOT PEOPLE OFF YOUR FLIGHTS in order to make room for- um- "People in Larger Bodies?" Like the family mentioned in the story linked below? </div><div><br /></div><div>Personally, when I rent a seat on a plane I only expect two things, and neither is a free ice cube: I expect every inch of the space I rent, and I expect to have that seat ready for me and only me when I arrive at the airport. Southwest Airlines guarantees neither. And I can tell you right now- a free ice cube isn't going to cut it as compensation when I'm sitting at the gate waiting for another flight because Southwest Airlines has a policy which favors someone who had to ask for two seatbelt extenders. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Y1LEod_sJhA?si=Sy5KeHRdTIg8O6jq" title="YouTube video player" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen></iframe>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-70232348648370442982024-03-03T11:46:00.000-08:002024-03-03T11:46:22.641-08:00The Problem With Lizzo<p> </p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/4AThCkEbqEQ?si=RlxzddPkHFZoTYHt" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe>
<div><br /></div><div>No, it's not that at one point in this stupid ad she seems to be ordering a "French boy." I'm pretty sure I heard that correctly. Nor is it her current lawsuit issues, though they do factor in. </div><div><br /></div><div>The problem Lizzo is going to have in 2024 is with that part of her audience whose devotion to her had absolutely nothing to do with her music and everything to do with her image as an excessively heavy but extremely active woman who had made a fortune on stage without "buying in" to "socially acceptable fitness standards" (I'm quoting self-labeled fat activists here.) And from what I've seen from Tiktok and YouTube, this is a significant portion of that audience.</div><div><br /></div><div>Lizzo has a LOT of fans who are either extremely overweight or consider themselves "allies" to people "living in a larger body." Over the past few years, many of them have accused their hero's detractors of "hating on Lizzo" because she is very fat. Some of them even say that they aren't fans of Lizzo's music but will go to the mat against anyone who dares criticize Lizzo because Fat People and Their Allies Must Stick Together. </div><div><br /></div><div>But there's one thing that "Fat Activists" hate more than detractors, and that's when their fat icons go on weight-loss journeys. And we've finally gotten to Lizzo's 2024 problem: the musician, who is six weeks away from her 36th birthday, has apparently decided that the health consequences of being morbidly obese are not for her, and she's on a mission to change her body while she still can. It was one thing to hear Lizzo accused of fat-shaming her dancers- that could be dismissed as mere gossip by the haters. But when the pounds start to drop off, and Lizzo inevitably signs a promotional deal with Ozempic and clothing company that doesn't go higher than XXL, the bile is going to rise like lava in Vesuvius circa 79 AD. </div><div><br /></div><div>Here's hoping that Lizzo's explanation for the turnabout is "it's none of your damn business and I don't owe you an explanation," because that would be very accurate. In any case, the reaction from some of the "activists" who infest the medias of Social will be entertaining to watch. </div><div><br /></div><div>In short, the problem with Lizzo is not Lizzo's problem at all. She has every right to come to the rescue of her own body even if she can still walk and hasn't even had a heart attack yet. The problem really belongs to the people who held her up as some kind of fat mascot to hold up to the world as an example of what fat people can do (for a while, until reality catches up to them.) They'll be very vocal about the "betrayal." Frankly, I can't wait. </div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-13365559091034330742024-03-02T11:17:00.000-08:002024-03-02T11:17:34.005-08:00KFC: Right, it's not pizza. It's poison<p> </p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/SvG7ddpiEEU?si=LQ5T1C37DiAUZOrm" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe>
<div><br /></div><div>Brought to you from the same people who brought us:</div><div><br /></div><div>Macaroni and cheese and fried chicken in the same bowl.</div><div><br /></div><div>"Sandwiches" consisting of bacon, cheese and fatty sauce between two pieces of boneless fried chicken.</div><div><br /></div><div>A fried chicken pot pie served with a chocolate cookie served up as a "meal."</div><div><br /></div><div>I could go on. But the point is- fried chicken slavered with cheese and pepperoni should come as no surprise to anyone. I mean, we already live in a country where Taco Bells are open 24/7 and butter-infused ground beef is a selling point. </div><div><br /></div><div>We are in deep, deep trouble. And no, we are NOT getting Universal Health Care until we turn this thing around. I am NOT paying for this kid's angioplasty. Oh, and grandma? Someone in this family was responsible for teaching this kid how to eat. Maybe it wasn't you, but it was your son or your daughter. They failed. Hard. </div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-68291157349147636382024-03-02T04:29:00.000-08:002024-03-02T04:29:16.716-08:00Airborne Narcissism<p> </p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/_0pBDslpRaU?si=2fDQvVpLSbZd9sH_" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe>
<div><br /></div><div>This is what we know about Kelly Rowland: She sees herself as a Superstar Super-Influencer Supermom who is very very eager to attend what might as well be called the KELLY Rowland family reunion so that she can fling herself about as if she's the center of the universe and the only real reason to even HAVE a family reunion, but ONLY if she can armor herself against the germs of the Non-Influencer Nobodies who happen to share her DNA. She is, after all, Kelly Rowland, Superstar Super-Influencer Supermom. </div><div><br /></div><div>So thanks to Airborne, the supporting characters of Kelly Rowland's life are graced by Kelly Rowland's presence, and she'll make damn sure everyone is aware of it by trying to be everywhere all at once, no doubt live-streaming the entire event for her audience of I'm Not Even Going To Look It Up Many mouth-breathers on Tiktok or YouTube or Wherever. Because we're all just background noise in the long-running Saga of Kelly Rowland, Legend in her Own Mind. </div><div><br /></div><div> </div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-6070256070495708122024-03-01T04:32:00.000-08:002024-03-01T04:52:40.029-08:00Another Obnoxious Rinvoq Commercial? Check!
<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="214" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/b4Ft-lHAsy0" title="RINVOQ UC: Tour & Skiing | See bit.ly/RinvoqPI | RINVOQ UC Commercial" width="514"></iframe>
<p> </p><div>I don't know about you, but there's very little I care about less than rich people having lives which seem to consist entirely of safaris, beaches and ski resorts be interrupted by frequent trips to the g--d--- bathroom. The idea that some pharmaceutical company may have set aside research into drugs that might someday cure Alzheimer's or Type I Diabetes in order to pump money into removing an annoyance from entitled brats like the horrible, horrible people who infest these ads makes me physically sick. </div><div><br /></div><div>I mean, wear a damn Depends under your $2000 ski gear, you ridiculous knobs. </div><div><br /></div><div>A Friday morning rant from an angry boomer with a blog? CHECK!<br />
<div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-57862169327598057392024-02-26T02:42:00.000-08:002024-02-26T02:42:21.810-08:00PreserVision Commercials are weird<p> </p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/nnTsBlMy_6U?si=FsfNbfxtfa9ixnjs" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe><div><br /></div><div>Every single one of them portray panicky Senior Citizens who have decided that they are about to go blind because of some eye condition they may or may not get because they are old but are then "relieved" to learn that there's these over-the-counter drops they can take to reduce their chances of, um, going blind. It's like telling someone that if they don't drink water they'll die of dehydration, but here's a quick and easily obtainable solution: Water. </div><div><br /></div><div>Meanwhile, can we please stop wasting time and start tackling real problems faced by Seniors? Like Robot Attacks, for example. It's nice that Old Glory Insurance is available, but how about some preventive measures?<br />
<div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-75630628342357716552024-02-25T06:15:00.000-08:002024-02-25T06:15:42.185-08:00Another Blast from the Past with a Progresso Soup Commercial from 1999<p> </p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/RBSVpaCOcWg?si=HYGfni_g73GdaZnE" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe>
<div><br /></div><div>In this vintage ad, a guy at the office is perfectly happy with his bowl of soggy noodles in salty water for lunch, because he's been eating this stuff since he was a kid and didn't realize that his mother was constantly too hungover to put together a decent meal. Again. So it's become kind of a comfort food for him. I just wonder where the saltines are (as if there's not enough sodium in a can of Campbell's Used To Be Something Resembling Pasta Condensed Soup Product already.)</div><div><br /></div><div>He's perfectly happy- that is, until some nosy coworker barges in to condescendingly "remind" him that he's an "adult" now and "adults" don't eat Campbells because they've developed taste buds and realize that (despite the salt) there is absolutely no taste to Campbells Chicken Noodle Soup. Turns out that once he reached a certain age, he was supposed to switch to Progresso, which as near as I can tell is exactly the same thing except with less water and bigger chunks of soggy, saturated vegetables which may have been nutritious when they were sealed into those cans months earlier but now have only slightly less liquid content than the water they are sitting in. It's still tasteless swill and not at all a practical meal to consume at one's desk, but it's what Grown Ups are supposed to eat So There.</div><div><br /></div><div>I have no idea why this woman feels entitled to tell her coworker what he's "supposed" to be eating for lunch; if she is really bothered by his consumption of canned soup, I'd think it would have more to do with it stinking up the breakroom and constantly leaving nasty residue in the common microwave. At which point, she might suggest he make the soup at home in the morning and carry it to work in a thermos like a Good Boy. Or, if she were a real friend, she'd suggest he eat something that will carry him through dinner- like a sandwich and a piece of fruit. Best of all, she could just mind her own damn business and stop pushing her preferred brand of soup at people. At this point, I'm just imagining that these two ended up getting married because she decided that was the only way she could get him to act like her own personal version of an Adult Man in every situation. </div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-33503620815774211332024-02-24T10:25:00.000-08:002024-02-24T10:25:01.037-08:00Pluto TV is PROUD to be part of the problem<p> </p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/8wFQWAeD4Do?si=TYC_xYH1a1KAOMJm" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe>
<div><br /></div><div>Multiple problems, actually...</div><div><br /></div><div>America has never been fatter or less mobile than it is in 2024. "Binge watching" and "Channel Surfing" has replaced walking and generally being outdoors as our nation's favorite pastime (today so called because time passes even when you are doing nothing.) And it's not about aesthetics- being overweight is linked to literally HUNDREDS of preventable illnesses. Heart Disease, Cancer, and Strokes- all strongly linked to obesity- are three of the top four causes of death in the United States. The other one is COVID which- guess what?- is far more dangerous if you are carrying an excess of adipose tissue. </div><div><br /></div><div>Americans have never felt more socially isolated (let's just call it Lonely) than they do in 2024. Might have something to do with texts replacing face to face conversations, the internet replacing human contact, zoom meetings replacing...well, you get it. And it's starting earlier and earlier - just check out how many preteens keep themselves glued to electronic best friends these days. And know what more and more people are using to soothe the pain of isolation? Cheap, processed, highly palatable chemicals disguised as Food Product. Which is the perfect thing to binge on while you're already bingeing on television.</div><div><br /></div><div>This commercial is like if Marlboro made an ad featuring a farm "harvesting" black lungs and played it off as "funny." All in the service of Capitalism, I guess. And the people who are applauding this garbage in the comment section? Yeah, you guys suck, too. It's bad enough to be played - you don't have to appreciate the company that's encouraging you into an early grave. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-23670546657813608112024-02-23T05:19:00.000-08:002024-02-23T05:19:22.592-08:00Temu's "Shop like a Billionaire" Superbowl Ad is a celebration of mindless indulgence <p> </p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/5Od0aOse1wc?si=ZKylr0MNwa6qW5r_" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe>
<div><br /></div><div>Is Temu just Chinese for "Amazon," or what? I mean, it doesn't seem to be offering anything that Amazon didn't "gift" civilization with more than a decade ago- a really quick way to make impulse buys of cheap crap produced by child labor with the touch of a screen. I guess Temu just concentrates on all of the amazing "crafts" and clothes that are being disgorged from factories stretching from Manchuria to Senegal? The very best that tiny little hands can sew and stitch and nail together?</div><div><br /></div><div>"Shop like a Billionaire" sounds like "shop like money means nothing to you," which sounds cool but for the vast majority of us, money is actually a pretty finite asset that we have to spend carefully to get us from month to month. Making it super-easy to buy stuff doesn't magically put more of it in our pockets. Some of us have to actually pay our debts; it sounds like the only billionaire* Temu wants us to shop like is that guy who used to be President of the United States.</div><div><br /></div><div>And I'm no worshipper of small businesses, but this has to be the most anti-small business, anti- "shop locally" commercial I've ever seen. Want something available at the store down the street? Buy a slightly cheaper-at-point-of-contact-but-not-cheaper-in-the-long-run version from your phone and get it sent to you from the other side of the planet at enormous cost TO that planet. Because that's what a billionaire would do, I guess. </div><div><br /></div><div>*not actually a billionaire, like, ever. </div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-8810629618918540632024-02-22T03:58:00.000-08:002024-02-22T03:58:49.136-08:00eTrade, Pickleball, the Superbowl, and a world of Dumb.<p> </p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/JjLr4bdLPIs?si=O5aE3lw06MZ8vTuR" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe>
<div><br /></div><div>Hey look eTrade is at it again- exploiting toddlers willing to be exploited by their disgusting greedy parents to sell a brokerage service. Oh, the hilarity. </div><div><br /></div><div>In reality, this is another slightly-amusing idea long since beaten into the ground nevertheless resurrected to be turned into a thirty-second ad to be played during the most overrated sporting event of the year: small children being manipulated by a combination of awful parents, an awful ad agency, and and awful CGI to generate yuks from the mouth-breathers in the audience who wonder why the stream of rib-splitting Funny is constantly being interrupted by some Sports Thing which itself is being regularly interrupted by Taylor Swift Sightings.</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, here are some kids trying to play Pickeball because Pickleball is a craze right now, I guess. And use eTrade. For Reasons.</div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-8531185707348774202024-02-18T04:39:00.000-08:002024-02-18T04:39:02.890-08:00Pizza Hut completes the trifecta, and it's no honey<p> </p><div><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/JnEp3nwsrrA?si=njqq2ViEPVK_PfEd" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe></div><div><br /></div><div>Having already established itself in the niche market of peddling poison in the form of processed carbohydrates and fat, Pizza Hut ups the ante by adding sugar to it's baked Death Discs. What else was it going to do? Put cheese IN the crust?</div><div><br /></div><div>To be fair, there was already plenty of sugar on those things- primarily in the "tomato" sauce. But there's no such thing as too much sucrose, especially now that we know how incredibly addictive (more than heroin or cocaine) it is. So "for a limited time," we've got pizza drenched in honey "infused" with haberno peppers "to provide just the right balance of sweet and hot," or something. </div><div><br /></div><div>Someone else will have to tell me if this junk actually tastes good- honey on a pizza doesn't have any attraction to me, even if it was being offered by an actual pizza place and not being mass produced by a Diabetes Factory like Pizza Hut. Neither does chronic inflammation, heart disease, or any of the other side effects of eating trash like the stuff dumped into the American diet by Pizza Hut, Domino's, Taco Bell, etc. I like being able to tie my shoes, walk up a flight of stairs without breaking into a sweat, and getting up from a chair on the first try. I'm kind of weird that way. </div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-54456105361780889492024-02-17T03:55:00.000-08:002024-02-17T03:55:45.433-08:00State Farm, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and the ultimate* one-joke Super Bowl Commercial<p> </p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/p8ZYgb8Osek?si=Ell0n2GH1Pn3f5_P" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe>
<div><br /></div><div>Arnold Schwarzenegger pronounces the word "neighbor" differently from most people currently living in the United States. He doesn't pronounce it "wrong," he pronounces it differently.</div><div><br /></div><div>Isn't that hilarious? Well, it better be- because it's a "joke" that has to carry this overproduced mess of a commercial for an entire sixty seconds. No kidding- this doesn't get strung out for ten seconds, or even twenty. We are supposed to find this amusing for <i>sixty seconds. </i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>Oh and here's Danny DeVito, because he costarred with Schwarzenegger in an overrated comedy during the Bush Administration. The FIRST one. So it's funny. See how that works?</div><div><br /></div><div>*to be fair, it's really hard to pick which Superbowl commercial is the "ultimate" in beating a single joke to death. One Joke Stretched out Way Past It's Amusing Point is the common thread connecting pretty much all Superbowl ads. This is true for primarily two reasons: First, the ad agency has been handed a lot of money and is obligated to do something impressive with it that also fills every second of the paid-for time. Second, the ad agency hasn't the slightest clue how to go about filling that time. They can't do grandmas chasing a bag of State Farm Insurance, and eTrade is already using disgusting CGI-aided toddlers. So it's Schwarzenegger, DeVito, one stupid joke repeated multiple times, and crossed fingers that 1980s nostalgia comes to the rescue again.</div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-23886885943000165992024-02-16T07:23:00.000-08:002024-02-16T07:23:41.154-08:00That RFKjr. Superbowl Ad Really Inspired Me!<p> </p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/nvXJJRjGVT4?si=vmVd5kAz5XVXYTJT" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe>
<div><br /></div><div><i>If you want a man for President</i></div><div><i>Who's just a total loon</i></div><div><i>with takes on vax and other things </i></div><div><i>to make Q-anoners swoon</i></div><div><i>A man who's like a warped guitar</i></div><div><i>forever out of tune</i></div><div><i>it's up to you </i></div><div><i>it's up to you</i></div><div><i>it's strictly up to you....</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>If you want a man for President</i></div><div><i>who's slim and fit and tall</i></div><div><i>a man who doesn't have a clue</i></div><div><i>and nothing on the ball</i></div><div><i>sure he's a conspiracy freak and nut</i></div><div><i>(but Trump once won after all!)</i></div><div><i>it's up to you</i></div><div><i>it's up to you</i></div><div><i>it's strictly up to you...</i><i> </i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>If you want a man for President</i></div><div><i>who isn't Just the Same</i></div><div><i>a man who's very much like Trump</i></div><div><i>but even more insane</i></div><div><i>A man who isn't much at all </i></div><div><i>but check out that last name!</i></div><div><i>it's up to you </i></div><div><i>it's up to you</i></div><div><i>it's strictly up to you....</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i><br /></i></div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-83231260644061716592024-02-15T16:46:00.000-08:002024-02-17T03:58:35.668-08:00That Stupid Superbowl Doritos Ad....<p> </p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/qQJyZseER6I?si=luv3IMUkYty4PSx6" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe>
<div><br /></div><div>Oh my god if I had a dime for every commercial that featured</div><div><br /></div><div>1. Overly aggressive senior citizens who I guess are supposed to be hi-LARIOUS because they are overly aggressive senior citizens,</div><div><br /></div><div>2. several changes in location suggesting a significant investment and production labor to beat a joke older than the senior citizens into the ground, and</div><div><br /></div><div>3. a wild chase to obtain Absolutely Nothing of Value Except It's the Last One on the Shelf (that schtick has so much mold on it it can probably cure every case of strep throat in 2024.)</div><div><br /></div><div>Since nobody is going to make me rich by giving me those dimes, I'll just offer my take to the makers of Doritos: We know you spent millions getting scientists to design your chips to be as addictive as possible- maybe showing senior citizens willing to kill themselves- and kill others- to get them isn't the best idea for an ad campaign. But It's no less than I'd expect from a company determined to cash in on the obesity epidemic (or is it now Pandemic?)</div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-30348536829539166842024-02-11T08:54:00.000-08:002024-02-11T08:54:14.232-08:00Transfixed on one second of this McDonald's Hamburgler-is-back commercial....<p> </p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/B5qn5E1jVuo?si=6ydZ8_HZFCLX9Ubj" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe>
<div><br /></div><div>It's at the 21 second mark. In the background, we see the blurry image of a single person who has both hands on the table and is staring down at her tray.</div><div><br /></div><div>What is going on there? Is she experiencing an epiphany- "oh my god, I am sitting here all by myself at McDonald's, about to eat greasy, salty junk again? What has gone wrong with my life?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"Why am I sitting here with this food? Why didn't I do what I usually do- use the drive-thru, then pull over to a parking space, consume my bag of overpriced trash, and then have a good cry, like I usually do?"</div><div><br /></div><div>Or is it ""wait, didn't I order a hamburger? Why isn't it sitting in front of me. Maybe I didn't order it. I don't really remember. I often don't remember things I did two minutes ago; it might have something to do with a steady diet of empty carbohydrates, salt and fat and not enough actual food. Oh well- I'm not going to waddle up to the counter and order that hamburger now. Not in front of these other people. And I can't just drink my not-milkshake and eat my fried potatoes and then use the drive-thru on the way out; the girl who hands me my bag might recognize me. I'll just finish up here and then hit one of the other three McDonald's I pass on the way home." </div><div><br /></div><div>Whatever it is, it's really sad. This blurry woman in the background needs help. The kind of help she won't get from a Health At Every Size "life coach/nutritionist" on Tiktok. The kind of help she won't get by ignoring nutrition advice from an ACTUAL doctor. Certainly not the kind of help she'll get from consuming warm trash from McDonald's. I suggest she seek medical attention, including therapy, to find other ways to cope that don't include clogging her arteries or seeking to dull the pain with "comfort food" that leaves her depressed and addicted. Good luck to her. </div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-68193335303664758622024-02-10T04:40:00.000-08:002024-02-10T04:40:10.578-08:00Wendy's encourages us to start our days in the worst way possible<p> </p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/o-giIl4OkA8?si=qu5dvYPMJJ_3w1fF" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe>
<div><br /></div><div>Because there's no better way to guarantee that you'll be exhausted, sluggish and hungry all day long than to start it with about a thousand calories' worth of fried potatoes, white starch and protein prepared in such a way as to completely eliminate the only somewhat beneficial ingredient of this breakfast.</div><div><br /></div><div>I really hope that 2024 is the last year that Wendy's will be treating us to commercials featuring obviously mentally challenged weirdos whose entire personality is wrapped up in the fast "food" conglomerate their brains have been enslaved to. I for one will not miss watching this sad group of exploited unfortunates gush about how amazing the chemicals they heat up for the "benefit" of their perpetually ill customers are at releasing dopamine as well as causing blood sugar spikes. </div><div><br /></div><div>And to that one guy who is fantasizing about the next time he gets to chow down on enough grease, salt and empty carbohydrates to choke a horse and clog a heart in no time flat- do you really need to crack that egg five inches from your face? Is it really that fascinating? If you have to do that, could you at least wear a mask? Because if I saw you doing that in the back, it would absolutely confirm my decision to stick to my order of Just Black Coffee, please.*</div><div><br /></div><div>*I haven't been inside a Wendy's for at least twenty years, so I don't even know if they have good coffee. Some of these Obesity Delivery Centers have good coffee- like the one with golden arches. Dunkin Donuts has good coffee, too. And it won't kill you, like the fried garbage these people are forever gushing over. </div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-39347427417600201242024-02-09T03:59:00.000-08:002024-02-09T03:59:12.764-08:00Still picking on SoFi- this guy has issues no bank can solve. <p> </p><div><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/AHV3cfEhoNs?si=212maxKPuzHkizUJ" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe></div><div><br /></div><div>1. Super-smart to do any kind of online banking while in public, using a public hotspot like the subway. I get the idea that the reason this guy has debt issues in the first place is because of impulsive moves like this.</div><div><br /></div><div>2. This guy responds to "Welcome Points" by doing a dance through the train. What are "Welcome Points?" Who cares? They sound so nice. I get another idea- that this guy was sincerely flattered by the Love Bombing he got when he responded to an invitation to attend last Thursday's <strike>mass brainwashing session</strike> sermon at the local Kingdom Hall. Not a whole lot going on in this guy's life, is there?</div><div><br /></div><div>3. When this guy finds out that he's accomplished absolutely nothing by moving his money from one bank to another, he'll probably respond by feeling betrayed by the Big Bad Banking Industry and consoling himself with an $8 latte at Starbucks. Paid for with a credit card, of course. </div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662171249638416805.post-19203860234970726432024-02-08T03:59:00.000-08:002024-02-08T03:59:05.330-08:00That time of year again- more fun with Liberty Tax<p> </p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Z-JyY_TthAg?si=DXL4oe8lcvlWIw8s" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe>
<div><br /></div><div>Here we get the heartwarming, totally relatable story of a woman who was already the owner/operator of two franchise locations of some business doing something and who was so successful at her career that she decided to wander into a just-opened Liberty Tax office and apply for a job during the busy tax season.*</div><div><br /></div><div>She goes on to tell us that she really learned a lot during her time at Liberty Tax- not so much about preparing taxes, but about the business of selling the public on the idea of getting someone else to prepare its taxes. She doesn't tell us so, but it involves lots of big blue banners promising rapid refunds and deep discounts if you accept the most expensive "service" - never mind that nobody in their right mind with any kind of complicated tax situation would hire a company that opens offices in abandoned stores or any other empty space on a month-to-month basis, 99 percent of said offices vanishing after April 15 of each year. We also don't see anyone dressed in a Statue of Liberty costume waving a WE PREPARE TAXES REAL CHEAP FREE COOKIES FOR THE KIDS sign out front. Nope- just a dignified-looking woman pressing buttons on a keyboard and smiling at the sucker who came in thinking that they were going to get their taxes done quickly and correctly and maybe get a free cookie on the side.</div><div><br /></div><div>Eventually, this woman opened her own Liberty Tax franchise, which concludes her awesome story of success with Liberty Tax, I guess. It also concludes this post, but don't worry, I'm not done with Liberty Tax quite yet. There's plenty of snark left to be mined beyond this woman's story. </div><div><br /></div><div>*seriously, how successful was this woman's business if getting into Liberty Tax was a step up? Come clean, lady- you were a "franchisee" in HerbaLife, right? Or Amway? Or DoTerra? Was it Mary Kay? You can tell me. I won't share it with anyone beyond this blog- and very, very few people read this blog. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>John F Jamelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18351383534436377360noreply@blogger.com0