A note on the Second-Year Anniversary of this crappy Nissan Rogue Ad

 

I'd like to congratulate the people out there who bought the hype back in 2023 and purchased the fully-loaded Nissan Rogue offered in this ad.  In case you don't remember- and I bet you do, because you're still being reminded once a month when the bill arrives- this thing set you back $38,000 plus interest.  But you got a cool car out of it, didn't you (I mean, to the extent that "Nissan" and "cool car" can exist in the same sentence, of course?)

Well, I hope you are still having fun in that Nissan, because you sure as hell aren't trading it in for an upgrade, because your car- with under 10,000 miles on the odometer, yet- is available right now for exactly half what you paid for it two years ago. Yep.  $19,000 gets you a Nissan Rogue with very low miles.  

Don't tell me you still owe more than that on your stupid impulse purchase triggered by a dumb commercial that convinced you that you'd feel like a secret agent (who are well known for driving around in NISSAN PRODUCTS) than it's worth on the current market?  Ohhhhh.....awkward.  Sorry.  I take back my congratulations and exchange them for condolences.  

But seriously.  A Nissan.  Come on.

Two Easy changes makes this "Thrillionaire" Online Gambling Commercial perfect

 

1.  Change "thrillionaires" to "Lemmings."

2.  Instead of showing them riding through a gate, have them riding off a cliff instead.  Much more accurate. 

And be honest- the reason why there's a vacant seat for someone to jump on to.  The guy who used to be in that seat has un-alived himself after losing his savings, his house, and his family to this brutal addiction we are currently referring to as a "thrill" Because Capitalism.

An alternative for the people in that NFL Network "Delayed Flight" ad

 

Or you could, I don't know...watch the game on one of the many screens at one of the many bars that decorate every single gate at every airport in the United States?  Just a thought.  And while we're at it, here's another couple of thoughts:  Are there more than half a dozen people waiting to board this plane?  And are all of them really more interested in a regular-season NFL game than in getting to their destination?  'Cause I'm not buying it. 

A few thoughts concerning that Allstate "Check First Bark" Commercial

 

1.  Yeah, being a cheap, obvious, blatant suck-up in front of your fellow coworkers is probably not a great idea.  That, and this guy's incredibly punchable face, is probably the reason why his cubicle is set well apart from everyone else's.

2.  Know what else you probably shouldn't be doing while at work?  Obsessively checking your insurance rates on the company's computer (and the company's time.)  You got a job here, buddy?  Maybe you should be doing that?

3.  Kudos to the boss for giving the mentally challenged a chance to become more financially independent with a job at her company, but she might have gone a bit too far when she hired this grinning  jackass.   He's either having an Episode during meetings or he's putzing around on his computer staring at insurance quotes.  I mean, there are limits and this is a business, right?

4.  The comments on this video....just, stop.  These have to be bots.  They just HAVE to be.

Is "Manning" just Latin for "Nepotism?"

 

Here's a quick multiple-choice quiz for you:

Which of the following statements BEST describes Archie Manning?

A.  He's a star NFL Quarterback popular enough to earn endorsement money through TV commercials

B.  He's a star College Football Quarterback currently contending for the Heisman Trophy

C.  He has at least a 5% chance of being in the College Football Championship Game in January

D.  None of the Above

If you answered "D," congratulations, you win!  And if you answered "D," you almost certainly know the name Archie Manning because he's a member of the already-ubiquitous-on-tv commercials Manning family.  And that the ONLY reason he's in a commercial for ANYTHING is because he's his dad's son. 

And if you were confused by this commercial because you thought that college athletes were students and not professionals and weren't really supposed to have endorsement deals until they turned pro, well, you must be about as old as I am.  Aren't we quaint?

The Unintended Joke of that "He Got Money" Hyundai Ad

 

So there is so very little going on in the lives of these clucking chickens that they find themselves quietly raving about how someone in their family "has money" and the evidence is that they have a refrigerator full of eggs and we all know how expensive eggs are am I right or am I right Expensive Egg Jokes Never Get Old.

I'm pretty sure that the actual intended message is "because this is an EV, you'll save so much money on gas, you'll have money left over to buy other stuff, like eggs which remember are really, really expensive."  

But when I first saw this ad, all I could think was "they must have cash to burn because they just bought a ridiculously unreliable Hyundai Crapmobile that will be in the shop before that load of eggs from Costco needs to be replenished." I used to have the same reaction whenever I saw a Dodge Charger, Jeep, or any FIAT product on the road.  That was before I realized how severely stupid people are when it comes to buying cars and how far dealerships desperate to move merchandise are willing to stretch out payments in order to con idiots into thinking they can afford them.  Hyundai Tuscan Hybrids start at just under $50k.   You can get a 2-year old version with less than 6000 miles on the odometer near me for $29k.  That's almost 50% in depreciation.  And let's keep in mind- this is a Hyundai.

"He got money."  And he'll need it.  Too bad he don't got sense. 

Those Wacky Aliens are at it Again!

 

From the same extra-terrestrials who came from beyond the stars to bring us overpriced bleach in a spray bottle (and here we were hoping for world peace or at least personal flying tech) we now have overpriced liquid rubber spray.  

So when you get done bleaching your mold for the low low cost of roughly 10 times more than you could have paid if you just used brand-x bleach from the dollar store, you can start sealing every crack in your house- and turning screens into windows for some reason- for roughly 10 ties more than you could have paid if you just used brand-x liquid rubber spray.  Seems to me that's a pretty big markup to have the word ALIEN added to the can (and to wait until it's shipped to your home instead of making that trip down to the Dollar Store, Hardware Store or local Home Depot,) but I guess those interstellar journeys don't pay for themselves.