I mean, I think it's unintentional...but maybe the lack of sound is not an error in posting? Maybe the silence is supposed to ramp up the drama?
As it is, seeing this guy act like he's on the verge of un-aliving himself because he has to make a decision concerning paint colors leaves me very, very concerned. Like, never mind owning a business- I'm not sure that you're ready for Adulthood yet, buddy. It's not a big deal. Go with green. Green's nice. And if it's not your decision- if the client changed her mind on the colors she wanted, well, sorry but this cannot be the biggest headache you'll ever face as a sainted Small Business Owner. Again, you might not be ready for this whole Adulting thing. You sure as HELL aren't ready to run a business.
When don't have money but you have credit, you use a credit card.
When you don't have money or a credit card but you do have a job, you go to American Acceptance.*
When you don't have money or a credit card or a job but you do have a car, you go to the Title Loan place.
When you don't have money or a credit card or a job or a car, you start bringing your belongings to the Pawn Shop.
Eventually, when you have nothing but debts and no way to raise money, I guess you turn to crime or the bitter charity of your friends, neighbors and relatives.
Wherever you are on this list, you do NOT walk around with a stupid smile on your face as if you are dealing with temporary, easily-manageable problems.** Your life is crap.
*Better hurry, though. The lawsuits against this particular company are beginning to pile up. The biggest issue seems to be hidden fees and outrageous interest rates, whodathunkit?
**Seriously, buddy, stop grinning. You have NOTHING to be happy about.
So it turned out that all those "banks" that cater to the one percent were lying to me- my credit score, the result of never paying my bills on time, racking up huge debts on various pieces of plastic and eventually declaring bankruptcy, and basically being a complete deadbeat for years doesn't matter when it comes to buying a new car! As long as I've got a job with a regular paycheck that can be garnished/seized when I inevitably fail to pay for the current big purchase I want and therefore need because I want, I can get a car just like the other grownups!
I just need to come up with an $800 down payment, which I can get with a quick call to Fast Cash or QCPawn.com or Cashpoint or any number of Instant Money No Catch Unless You Consider Ridiculous Interest Rates To Be a Catch services. And I won't have to deal with negotiations and calls to banks and all that annoying stuff once I find the car that makes me look good in the neighborhood; in thirty minutes I can be driving off with a car because the biggest Buy Here Pay Here dealership in Nashville handles it's own financing. I understand that every franchised dealership in the United States also has financing but that has nothing to do with me because my stupid credit score locks me out of those places.
This place treats me like a real person. A real poor, desperate, economically illiterate person. A person who thinks they are doing me a favor when they take my $800 and have me sign a contract locking me into a $800 per month, 84 month payment plan at 39.9% interest which maybe sounds kind of bad but today I only need $800. And a place to hide this car from the repo guy in a few months when Real Life hits me in the face again.
...and I have been a BIG fan of boxing for forty years.
Seven years ago, Deontay Wilder was the George Foreman of the modern era. The guy went 40-0 with 39 knockouts in his first decade in the pros, with the great majority of those fights ending inside of three rounds. The fact that he threw off-balance windmill punches you could see coming from a mile away didn't seem to matter, mainly because he was in the ring against tomato cans, most of whom began to look for a comfortable spot on the canvas to lay down from the opening bell.
Then, in 2018, he began to face actual professional heavyweight boxers, and the chinks in the armor became obvious. In winning his first belt he could not knock down or even seriously hurt a terrified, 100 percent defensive-minded Bermane Stiverne in winning a lopsided 12-round decision. Then he struggled to finish Luis Ortiz in ten rounds. And at the end of the year, in his first fight against an actual skilled fighter, he was lucky to get a draw against Tyson Fury, a blubbery, rusty, aging ex-champ looking to make a comeback after gaining fifty pounds and spiraling into alcohol-fueled depression.
Since that first Tyson fight, Wilder is 3-4 (1-4 in his last five fights) and has been knocked out (each time quite brutally) three times. He hasn't fought since last June, when he was pole-axed in five rounds by a guy who went on to be KO'd in his very next fight. The general consensus after that disaster was that Wilder's legs were gone, his balance was gone, his chin was gone, and he needed to just walk away from the sport which made him very wealthy before he found himself going down an all-too-familiar road for practitioners of the Sweet Science: In pursuit of One More Big Payday, becoming a punching bag and eventually dying young and broke and not in full command of one's faculties.
In a few days, Wilder- who once headlined Pay-per-View cards in Nevada, New York and the new capital of heavyweight boxing, Riyadh, will step into the ring in that famous Mecca of American Championship Boxing, Wichita, to take on Tyrell Anthony Herndon, a clubfighter with a record of 24-5 who has been stopped four times in his five losses. Somehow this is being sold as a Pay-per-View event despite being only marginally more legitimate than a Jake Paul "fight." Such is the power of a Name in this sport- the name being "Wilder" of course, since nobody knows who Tyrell Anthony Herndon is except that he's exactly the kind of fighter Wilder feasted on BEFORE he became a belt holder.
Other than a quick paycheck, it's hard to see what Wilder is getting out of this (and I'm quite certain that Herndon expects absolutely NOTHING other than the quick paycheck, except to wake up the next day with a bad headache and possibly a sore back from hitting the canvas at an awkward angle sometime in the first three minutes of the "fight.") But I'm afraid that he's aiming for another, bigger fight down the road with an actual professional who will batter him to a pulp but make his bank account fatter in the process.
It's said that boxers are the very worst among sports professionals at knowing when the tank is empty and it's time to hang it up and enjoy the kids and grandkids. There are endless examples of ex-stars who flamed out and fought on long after the glory had faded because it was all that they knew or had blown through their money with no thought for tomorrow. I'm afraid that Deontay Wilder is just the latest chapter in the saddest cliche of sports. For his sake, and for the sake of his wife and kids, I hope that he just wants to go out a winner and after he's plastered this guy Herndon this weekend he finds peace and something else to do with his brain. I'm not optimistic though. As I said, I've seen this movie many times and I know how it usually ends.
One of the very first commercials I covered in this blog-- way back in 2009-- was a radio ad for Blue Hippo, the amazing "service" that allowed people with bad or no credit to acquire laptop computers and printers with "easy, low" bimonthly payments (usually around $39.) Thousands of people signed up get these laptops and ended up paying massive markups for computers* that were outdated way before they were paid for- and that's if they were ever paid for, or ever even received.** Because as it turned out, the laptops were not sent out until a certain number of payments had been made (to build a "credit history") and many were never sent out at all. Almost nobody*** got the "free printer" that was "thrown in" to the "deal" because that didn't come until EVERY payment was made and sometimes not even then.
In short, Blue Hippo was a giant scam advertised on YouTube, late-night TV, terrestrial and satellite radio, etc. which sucked money out of the people who could least afford it and whose credit was so bad they couldn't even rent a laptop at the local Aaron's or Rent-A-Center. Yeah, that bad.
Comments are unlocked for this video, yet there are no comments. Which makes me think that Blue Hippo is a moment in time that everyone involved would like to forget. I apologize if this post triggers anyone, but I think it's important to note that while Blue Hippo is dead and gone the offers of expensive items to people with lousy or no credit is very much alive and well.
*That desktop monitor at 22 seconds in is hilariously huge.
**In 2009 Blue Hippo, Inc. was charged by the FTC with collecting more than $15 million in payments without sending out a single computer. The owner of Blue Hippo filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy, the Attorneys General of Maryland and West Virginia filed suits, and the company was ultimately ordered to pay restitution in the amount of $14 million to defrauded customers.
*** It's entirely possible that not ONE SINGLE CUSTOMER ever got this printer.
I mean, there is simply no way that anyone finds this commercial even remotely funny....but just look at the comments. Are these bots? Are they being ironic? Are these people just insane? Am I insane for "not getting it?"
Why would the scent of Downy fabric softener make anyone develop a weird muscle twitch? Why would this be a SELLING point for Downy? Isn't there a prescription medication being advertised that deals with pretty much this exact issue? Does whatever evil chemical company that sells Downy also produce that drug?* Am I being a conspiracy theorist here?**
Why is everyone such an idiot now?
*It's Proctor and Gamble.
**Proctor and Gamble specializes in "health and beauty products," but as near as I can tell does not produce pharmaceuticals. Doesn't mean there's not a conspiracy here. Which means, there's a conspiracy here.
I couldn't find a commercial for this site, probably because it doesn't buy ads anywhere; not even on YouTube. This online "mall" has been in existence for all of a month and "sells" everything from wellness products to those robot puppies which don't look a thing like the AI-generated images used to pitch them.
All indications are that Solymall is just another drop-shipping site which sells overpriced trash produced in a sketchy factory in Urban Southeast Asia to an unsuspecting- no, let's stop being charitable- gullible American public which thinks that ten dollars here equals a hundred dollars over there which explains how "hand-crafted" robot animals, "crystal" coffee mugs, infrared light muscle massagers, etc. can be put on the market for a fraction of what you'd pay in a store if they ever even tried to sell this crap in a store. Through the magic of AI imagery and a public dumb enough to elect Donald Trump TWICE, barrel-scrapers like Solymall can dump the cheapest plastic garbage into the Bloated, Stupid West because Americans can not be convinced that Asians aren't desperate to slave away to produce high-quality stuff for us because they need whatever we can spare. And because Americans are really, really dumb.
You aren't going to be getting a lifelike robot bunny or a crystal coffee mug that looks like stacked books or anything else for 70% off through Solymall. You are going to get cheap crap that isn't even worth the pittance you sent. And when you complain, you'll find that Solymall is unresponsive or- just as likely- nonexistent, having changed it's name but not it's mission. You don't think Solymall is the original name of this site, do you?
1. Did I really see this clown slap away a guy's hand using a spatula? Guys don't do things like that. Nobody should do anything like that. And this is just the first instance of "who the hell does this guy think he is?" in this ad.
2. Why can't this guy take a burger when he wants to take a burger? Why are we on the cook's schedule? Guys don't do things like this. Nobody should do things like this.
3. Why is the chef staring at his beer like he's never seen one before?
What if the guest wants his hamburger medium rare, or just pink, or cooked the way HE WANTS IT COOKED AND NOT HOW THE CHEF WANTS IT COOKED? Who the hell is going to eat that hamburger? Next time, just take the freaking hamburger and don't ask and if the chef slaps your hand away with a spatula ask him what his freaking deal is and why he's acting like he started drinking beer long before you or any of the other guests arrived.
"Why pay $839 for an air conditioner when you can pay $879 for this scam plus an air conditioner you put in once you realize that this thing is a scam?"
Seriously, how dumb do you have to be to think that this thing is going to do even one-tenth of what the ad says it will do? Last time I checked, a little fan + water doesn't equal cool air, it equals humidity. And you can make it light up in different colors? So what? Since when is the lack of neon anyone's problem with an air conditioner?
And how stupid do you have to believe that this stupid crapbox is going to accomplish anything plugged in outside on a hot day other than spiking your electric bill? And why does that little girl act as if she's never breathed before and is enjoying the experience for the first time ever now that her mom has spent forty bucks on a box fan you add water to? What the hell is going on here, anyway?
Oh right- what's going on here is an unintentionally funny Not Sold in Stores ad for a product only people who don't know how physics works would spend money on. People who think that $40 plus shipping for one piece of worthless trash is a bit pricey but two for $40 Just pay Shipping and Handling is a Steal. Those kind of people. You know, morons.
Am I the only person thoroughly disgusted by the use of language like "meet the new iPhone" and "say hello to the new iPhone" as if this piece of glass, metal and electronics is a sentient being that is going to be a true and trusted friend, every bit a part of my life as parents, siblings and other human forms that used to be part of people's lives until they were replaced by glowing boxes?
Does it not help at all that we see a person staring at their screen while in the driver's seat of a car? Is it even less helpful to note that there are literally thousands of Tiktokers who regularly post while actually driving their cars?
I don't want to "meet" the 16th version of your new phone, Apple. I've never owned an iPhone and don't intend to ever own one. Yes, I do have a Smartphone but it's something I purchased. I didn't "meet" it and I sure as hell never said "hello" to it because it's a freaking tool- kind of like the person who came up with this stupid, overproduced pile of garbage you call a commercial.
So I flew SW Airlines twice last week, and I've got some things to say. First, I'm going to slam the airlines, and then I'm going to take on the customers who deserve no better (I am the exception.)
1. I signed in online literally thirty seconds after getting the 24-hour notice to do so- and was assigned to the B group with the number of 15. Which means that somehow, seventy-five people managed to get in before me. This is simply not possible. And it's not that a bunch of people paid extra to get bumped up in line- there simply was no time for that. Plus, I actually RESERVED AND PAID FOR the seat back in FEBRUARY. So what the hell, SW? Is this just random or what?
(The steward joked that "C means center"- more about this in a moment- but in my experience, B means the same thing.)
2. It should not take half an hour for bags to move from plane to carousel. I know they fly free (more about THIS in a moment) but that doesn't mean that they should stay on the plane gathering dust while we customers wait....and wait...and wait...at the carousel.
Ok, now about the customers, who are just the most awful human beings ever and should be sentenced to wait at a SW Airlines carousel forever and always:
1. While on line, we were told- repeatedly- that if we were in group B with a number higher than ten or so there would be no more room for bags so we needed to CHECK OUR BAGS AT THE GATE. Seriously, I think the announcement was made five times and pointedly- like, "we aren't kidding, you aren't going to be able to put your bags in the overhead." So what happens when we are getting settled? At least a dozen people from my section and group C drag their big suitcases onto the plane and need to have them collected and removed and tagged, delaying our departure. What the actual hell, people? BAGS FLY FREE. Just CHECK YOUR FREAKING BAG IT WILL BE OK MORE THAN THREE FEET AWAY FROM YOU FOR A FEW HOURS.
2. Nobody wants to sit in a middle seat. Many, many passengers will simply have to sit in a middle seat. Wandering around the plane is not going to create a window seat and you sure as hell aren't going to find an aisle seat. Nobody is going to volunteer that seat you want. Sit. The hell. Down. In. A Middle. Seat. It will be Ok. It's only a few hours.
If SW Air Customers don't want to be treated like cattle, well, maybe stop acting like a bunch of dumb cows. Personally, I took a middle seat right up front between two very decent people who I will never see again and really can't remember now, less than 24 hours later. I got off the plane quickly because I was in the front. Yes, I had to wait for my bag at that carousel but so did you if you were in group B or C and I checked my bag beforehand and didn't make a royal pain of myself being obstinate and obsessive about it. What gets into these people?
