Thursday, March 23, 2017
I'm not at all sure why this automotive oil commercial, which at least for the first twenty seconds plays out like every car commercial produced over the last twenty years or so, had to be "inspired" by the fifteenth episode of some stupid action movie series, but whatever.
No, I did not get past the first twenty seconds. Cripes, this thing runs for more than two minutes, and its been a long week, and I have to teach tomorrow, and life is way too short even if none of those things were true. I think we can get the message in fifteen seconds. It's a commercial for engine oil. It's got a tie-in with a stupid movie featuring really fast cars and guns and explosions. We get it. WTF-ever.
Monday, March 20, 2017
First- I can only assume that this commercial was made by white people who think that this is how to appeal to black people. Really, really stupid black people. Who don't have a steady income, a bank account, or any credit- but do have a car and ownership of that car's title. Like those people over at Good2Go Car Insurance.
Second- I'm guessing that a large percentage- like maybe 100- of white Trump supporters think that this ad accurately depicts black people and their attitude toward money in general. And don't find it insulting or demeaning in the least. Hey, don't all black people respond to junky yet catchy jingles and hot women waving money around accompanied by pictures of cars and more money?
Third- umm, WHOSE money is that? YOUR money? Your REAL money? How does it become YOUR money? Ah, by hocking the title to your beater- and maybe if you can get some newbie behind the counter to hand you $10,000 for the piece of junk you rolled into the lot, you might finally be able to walk away from a financial transaction as the winner. It's far more likely that you'll be handed maybe 1/10th the value of that automobile with a 300% interest rate due in two weeks or guess what, not only are you a sad moron with no credit, no bank account and no steady income, but you don't have a car either.
Fourth- oh, never mind. Your life sucks enough without me continuing to point that fact out to you. But in case you think that you are unique, check out this New York Times Article: https://dealbook.nytimes.com/2014/12/25/dipping-into-auto-equity-devastates-many-borrowers/?hpw&rref=business&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&module=well-region®ion=bottom-well&WT.nav=bottom-well&_r=0. Misery loves company, and you've got a lot of it.
Saturday, March 18, 2017
No kidding, this is an actual commercial and not a parody. And you don't have to watch it twice, because you've got to me to confirm what you thought your eyes saw but couldn't quite believe:
The black woman and her little baby and a guy who may or may not be that kid's father show up at this fly-by-night "Tax Solutions" place while the narrator tells us that sometimes, life gets "complicated." I think it's fair to assume that the little baby is the "complication" that has popped up. The tax prep person hands her- or the blurry guy next to her- a check for TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS (exactly) which, unless she is there to sell that baby, can in context only be taken as a tax refund.
The blurry guy then throws his hands into the air- he's really happy with the ten thousand dollar check, it seems, and who can blame him? I mean, ten thousand dollars- that's about five years of refunds for me, and I set extra money aside every paycheck to assure a refund. Ten thousand dollars? Really?
Never mind the context. This woman and her blurry significant other are selling that baby.
And all of this is being done to some steady beat while some smooth-talking jackass waves a fistful of money at the viewing public. My confidence in the legitimacy of this organization is just soaring. Maybe its the multiple locations, all conveniently located to liquor stores, lottery outlets and pawn shops. Maybe its that music. Or maybe its simply that ten thousand dollar check. Yep, it's settled. No Liberty Tax for me this year!
Friday, March 17, 2017
Yeah, Aaron's "helps" people get "the things they need" (like big screen tvs and game systems) at "guaranteed low prices" (guaranteed by whom?) If that's what you call charging legal-only-because-this-country-continues-to-worship-Capitalism interest rates with weekly payments to people whose credit rating is in the toilet. In other words, Aaron's, like Rent-A-Center, sells itself as a Friend of the Poor by taking advantage of the poor. Lovely.
I do think it's funny that the words "immature" and "disorganized" come up in this ad, since those words pretty much describe anyone who signs their name to an Aaron's contract. "Sucker" does too, but I guess it didn't make the final cut.
Tuesday, March 14, 2017
Well, I don't feel bad about picking on these commercials, because the people in them are just so darned loathsome. Episode One featured the guy who couldn't pay for car insurance because he had to buy his (presumably living a distance away with his estranged ex) daughter a birthday present. Then we had the Stereotypical Unwed Mother dragging along two little kids who needed to take the bus everywhere because she had made the Tough But Correct and also Required by Law decision to feed her kids (what a superhero) instead of buying car insurance.
At least in Episode Three, we are picking on a white woman as the producer suddenly realizes that hey, even caucasians can be stupid and reckless asshats who neverthless breed (how else can they pass on the Stupid to the next generation and provide customers for Good2Go Car Insurance?) The woman in this ad is driving a nice car with a freaking child in the back but she doesn't have car insurance because....Reasons. I'm sure she has what she thinks are good reasons. But without knowing anything anything else about her, I can say with great conviction that no, no she does not.
Because think about this for just one more moment than the makers of the ad want you to- this is a woman who is carting a minor child around in her car without insurance. So if they get into a wreck and that girl is injured, Literally Criminally Stupid Mom can explain to her child why the immensely thoughtless idiot who gave birth to her can't pay for her physical therapy. "You see, honey, Mommy thought it would be ok to drive without car insurance because she would be really really careful and not get picked up by the police." I'm sure she'll understand.
And being the clueless, selfish jackwad she is, I'm sure this woman will walk away from this experience- after paying a hefty fine and having her license suspended- thinking how unfortunate she was to be picked up by that g-d d-mned cop who should have been off arresting REAL criminals. And wishing she had bought SortOf Insurance from Good2Go- it wouldn't have paid for any of her daughter's injuries, but it would have kept the G-d D-mned Fuzz off her back, and that's what it's all about, right?
Sunday, March 12, 2017
Here's another idea, Martyr Mom- instead of acting as if you woke up one day with two kids and no money, go back in time and plan a little differently. Or maybe just plan. Then maybe you won't have two kids, bags of groceries, and no auto insurance....
Wait a minute. So buying a car would be no problem- it's the insurance payments which would keep food out of the mouths of those kids (who, I'm sorry, really lost the genetic lottery. Sorry kids, your mom is a moron and you are going to pay the price?) And now that you are about to learn about Good2Go's super-convenient Low Low Prices For Sort Of Insurance Hey It Meets the Bottom Of The State Standards, you suddenly have the dough to buy a car so you can drive to the store and buy...well, what, exactly, since its hard to see how you also have money now....
Here's a tip, Stupid Woman Who Really Really Needs a Time Machine: In another couple of years, those kids will be big enough to help you with the groceries. Then they'll be out of the house most of the time with their friends who have parents with measurable IQs and both food AND transportation. Then you can just grab food for yourself before you hop on that bus. And wonder what happened to your youth and your dreams of a decent life.
Oh and btw, thanks for perpetuating the "single black mom" stereotype. Really needed to see that again.
Saturday, March 11, 2017
The guy in this ad HAS a car but he doesn't have auto insurance because....well, in his own words, every time he's ABOUT to buy insurance, something comes up....like his daughter's birthday. And then, we can assume, he breaks into that jar on top of the fridge, scoops out the change he was GOING to use to buy car insurance, and uses it to buy something else....like a birthday present for his daughter.
I'm sorry, but I just gotta say it: I think it's pretty damn safe to assume that Daddy got kicked out of the house by Mommy quite some time ago, and it probably had something to do with the fact that Daddy never quite got his act together when it came to being an adult with money. It's all well and good that Daddy thinks it makes sense to own a car he can't drive because he can't afford insurance, but it's probably best for Daughter that he go on thinking that way Somewhere Else. After all, Mommy looks like she's doing all right for herself in her own home, which I think it's also safe to assume she got in the otherwise Very Meagre Divorce Settlement.
So Daddy may show up for Daughter's Birthday in a bus because he couldn't pull together enough money for a present AND car insurance, and he decided to show up with a present this time around. But if he arrives in a car and also has a present, that means he's aquired cut-rate, pays-for-nothing-but-satisfies-the-law month-to-month insurance, not that he's turned his life around and landed a decent job which allows him to buy standard auto coverage because he's also fixed his credit rating and gone some time before smashing into somebody or something. In either case (and I know this is going to sound really mean) its nice that Daddy stopped by but its much, much better for all involved that he is going back to his own home at the end of the day. Daddy's not ready for the real world, and maybe that's not his fault, but its not his daughter's responsibility, either.
Thanks for the present, Daddy. Love you always. The C9 will be along any minute.