Saturday, December 31, 2022
Capital One puts the spotlight back on those stupid small businesses we are supposed to support Because Reasons
Friday, December 30, 2022
A failing grade for this obnoxious "C Class" commercial
Sunday, December 25, 2022
Apple iPhone 14 presents: The Rulers of Idiocracy
Saturday, December 24, 2022
This BMW Road Home Commercial puts Lexus' December ads to shame. Bravo, BMW.
Friday, December 23, 2022
That $50 Gold Buffalo Coin Scam: Still Going Strong eight years later....
There is so much hilariously wrong with this scam, it would take pages and pages of commentary to get through it all, but I'm just going to focus on a few of the lowlights:
Most of this ad is a glowing description of a coin which is NOT FOR SALE HERE; a $50 Gold Buffalo Coin which was released back in the 1930s. We are told how much gold THAT coin had and how rare THAT coin is.
Then, without missing a beat the narrator segues into a discussion of the coin which is ACTUALLY FOR SALE HERE: a "tribute" to the previously mentioned, actually valuable coin which is "clad" in cold (gilded) but which in fact provides what is currently about seventy cents worth of the precious metal the original coin was MADE OUT OF. If you aren't paying attention- and this scummy fraud company really, really hopes that you aren't- you won't notice that the commercial is asking you to buy a cheap imitation of a valuable coin. You'll think you are being offered a rare $50 gold piece for a preposterously low price by nice people who for some reason want to practically give them away because they are so nice.
We are told that "the price of the original edition is going through the roof"- so yeah, if you happen to own one, you have got a nice little investment there that you might want to keep in a safe deposit box. But if you don't own one, we can buy this piece of garbage which kind of looks like the real thing. The narrator isn't going to put it quite like that, but that's exactly what he's saying- this is a "tribute copy."
The price of this junk was "supposed to be set at $50" but of course that wasn't going to get morons to grab their phones to call, so instead this next-to-worthless piece of tin is being offered for "only $9.95 plus shipping and handling." As soon as we get this price, we're reminded that the price of gold is skyrocketing- which is information about as useful as telling us that bark beetle infestations are expected to rise in the next three years. The price of gold has zero to do with the value of this particular "tribute," since there's virtually no gold in it. The ratio of aftershave to my face is probably greater than the ratio of gold to this trash. But the scam must go on.
This 2014 commercial, which I saw rebroadcast while watching MSNBC the other day, tells us that this offer can only be guaranteed for the next seven days. Well, that makes this the longest week since Genesis.
We get guff about "strict limits of five per caller" (yeah right- I GUARANTEE that if I called the number I could talk the operator into giving me a special deal for as many as I wanted) and "registration numbers" (if these coins were legitimate, why would they have such things? Just more evidence- as if we needed any- that we are being offered commemorative medals, not coins.)
Ok, there's fifty seconds left to this nonsense but I'm exhausted so I'll just end it here: This stupid impulse purchase comes with a Certificate of Authenticity, authenticating that, yes, you've purchased an all-but-worthless trinket you can try to explain to your exasperated children the next time they come over and beg you to sign over your power of attorney while you still have a little money left.
Sunday, December 18, 2022
The Pizza Hut Triple Bypass Box, just in time for the holidays....
Saturday, December 17, 2022
I wouldn't buy food handled by these people, Wendy's.
Friday, December 16, 2022
Nothing "Progressive" about this commercial which doesn't feature sweet potatoes
Sunday, December 11, 2022
Carvana was a stupid idea that stupid people bought into.
Saturday, December 10, 2022
Tom Brady, FTX and another commercial that aged like fine milk.
Friday, December 9, 2022
Depressing MetaQuest Ad reminds me of why I'm sometimes glad that I'm old
Sunday, December 4, 2022
This Wendy's Santa Claus Commercial is an overdose of Cringe.
Saturday, December 3, 2022
Domino's "buy garbage get garbage free" offer, and fun with the Food Pyramid
Friday, December 2, 2022
Point of Personal Privilege: This New York Times article on why certain people are not re-entering the job market.
Why Are Middle-Aged Men Missing From the Labor Market?https://www.nytimes.com/2022/12/02/business/economy/job-market-middle-aged-men.html?smid=url-share
Sunday, November 27, 2022
Small Business Saturday: please, tell me why I was supposed to care. Because I just don't get it.
Saturday, November 26, 2022
Mom and Crown Royal? What, flowers aren't a thing anymore?
Friday, November 25, 2022
One question about this Voltaren ad which has nothing to do with Voltaren
Sunday, November 20, 2022
One mean comment about this stupid Uber ad
Saturday, November 19, 2022
That depressing Best Buy "playground" commercial
Friday, November 18, 2022
The graveyards are filled with the "Brave"
Sunday, November 13, 2022
Larry David, FTX, and hating to say "I told you so."
Saturday, November 12, 2022
Hey Chase, could you please lose Kevin Hart for real?
Friday, November 11, 2022
There is literally nothing to this Verizon ad
Every once in a while, I see a commercial so vapid, so content-free, that I'm convinced it was made to deprive me of an opportunity to snark on it. This is one of those ads, but I'm going for it anyway.
This ad is not necessary. We see the phrase "for our loyal customers" posted everywhere all the time but we who live in the real world of consumers know that compared to potential customers, "loyal customers" are the dirt under the shoe of a company intern. The first idiot actually thinks that he got a deal for his family - free iPhones, which is basically like thanking the dealer down the street for hooking his family up with deep-discount heroin- because he's a long-time customer. He's stunned to find out that the even blander white family he apparently didn't notice was standing a few feet from his that they, too, got free iPhones even though they are brand new customers (the wife from central casting says they got free phones "even though ours were busted." Huh- so you already had iPhones, but they were all broken, but you were holding on to them anyway, huh? This is so plausible.)
The only slightly remarkable thing about this ad is that the family which is surprised by the generosity of Verizon is black, and the "you're nothing special, we got the same deal" family that puts them in their place is white. These days, I'd expect exactly the opposite. But that being said, all of these sad, phone-addicted morons should feel free to die in a terrible fire now for wasting my time.
Sunday, November 6, 2022
A quick, mean take on this Domino's "Leftovers" ad
Saturday, November 5, 2022
Why 1991's "Necessary Roughness" is the worst sports movie of all time
Friday, November 4, 2022
Sunday, October 30, 2022
With FanDuel, you can use your already poor decision-making skills to someone else's advantage!
Saturday, October 29, 2022
Dr. Pepper's Fansville Commercials are the epitome of Lazy-Stupid
Friday, October 28, 2022
Can Someone please explain the mentality of the people in this Kohler Commercial?
Sunday, October 23, 2022
A Dollop of Dumb
Saturday, October 22, 2022
That Extra-Creepy Gum Ad where the dolls are not the creepy part.
Friday, October 21, 2022
The Ultimate in First-World Problems, and a case of Foolish Economy
Monday, October 17, 2022
LeBron, Lilly, and thirty seconds of pointless noise
Saturday, October 15, 2022
That Taco Bell "apology" commercial with Pete Davidson misses the point.
Friday, October 14, 2022
An Extra-Stupid Gum Commercial
Wednesday, October 12, 2022
"The Terminal" (2004) and a fantasy sponsored by Burger King
Monday, October 10, 2022
Who- or what- is Orbit afraid of?
Saturday, October 8, 2022
The Fox Bet Super 6 Something To Do Before the Next Powerball Drawing Insult
Thursday, October 6, 2022
Taco Bell Knows Americans
Sunday, October 2, 2022
Coca Cola Cringe
Saturday, October 1, 2022
I don't see a can anywhere in this Yummy Can Potatoes ad. Just one huge Can't which is a deal-breaker.
Friday, September 30, 2022
4imprint.com's "Moment" we all tolerate out of a false sense of obligation.
Sunday, September 25, 2022
Society Folds faster than the latest dumb Galaxy device.
Saturday, September 24, 2022
Ceasars Sportsbook, DraftKings, etc. are normalizing very dangerous behavior.
Friday, September 23, 2022
Pizza Hut's "Detroit Style Pizza"- no, I don't get it
Sunday, September 18, 2022
Why is Kevin Hart on every commercial now?
Saturday, September 17, 2022
What passes as Progressive these days...
Friday, September 16, 2022
Some dark thoughts concerning this Miller Lite "signs" commercial
Sunday, September 11, 2022
Just another stupid AllState "Mayhem" Commercial....
Saturday, September 10, 2022
Pizza Hut: This is going to sound really mean, but it has to be said....
Friday, September 9, 2022
This Volkswagen "Birds" Commercial- WTF did I just watch?