Saturday, January 31, 2015

Yeah, I think I've identified your problem, GoDaddy Lady....

And no, it's not that "running your own shop is brutal," although I will say, if that's your attitude despite the fact that a few seconds later you admit that you basically have no customers, you really need to give up this I Can Run My Own Business fantasy and get yourself a job, you weird tool.

No, your problem is that your disgusting family is hanging around your shop scaring away any potential customers you MIGHT have had.  Not that you are helping, acting like an idiot who doesn't seem to understand that the little dance you are all doing is supposed to simulate having sex (when that started all I could think was OMIGOD THERE IS NOT ENOUGH BRAIN BLEACH IN THE WORLD TO GET THIS COMMERCIAL OUT OF MY HEAD EVER.  And I never use the phrase OMIGOD.)

This commercial is one of the reasons that I think people who say things like "I watch the Superbowl for the Commercials" are the sickest, scariest weirdos on the planet.  Because as horrible as this ad is, we all know it's going to be topped sometime Sunday night.  What is the matter with you people?

Friday, January 30, 2015

Weebly gives me faith that this will be another American Century

I mean, just think about it- Weebly is a website that allows us to take our very best ideas and present them in a winning way.  And what are our very best ideas?

Well, there's the Jumping Off a Cliff idea.  I've encouraged a lot of people over the years to take advantage of this option, but have been unable to sell it to any of them.  With Weebly, I expect that in a very short time I'll be seeing a lot of very deserving people hurling themselves off cliffs.  And more power to them.

And then there's the Egg-Shaped Ice Cube idea.  "The Ice Cube Has Grown Up."  A great slogan for a great product.  That's called Filling a Need, and Nobody- NOBODY- does it better than Americans.  That's why we're Number One even when some of the products we churn out look a lot more like Number Two.  And don't you forget- um, something.  The Alamo, I think.

"Why not put fried chicken in Sushi?" That's a question only an American would ask.  After all, please tell me what people on Earth have ever been better at taking something healthy and turning it into life-shortening crap?  Remember, we are also the people who invented the bacon-stuffed cheeseburger, the cheese-stuffed pizza, and the deep fryer small enough to take on camping trips.  Naturally the country that would inflict upon (errr, I mean, "introduce to") the world the Cheese and Special Sauce Sandwich using Fried Chicken Instead of Bread would be the one to put fried chicken in Sushi.  If we waited for the Japanese to do it, we'd totally miss out.

Hell, I'm not even going to mention the Cardboard Furniture bit.  At this point, that's overkill .

I just wish Weebly had been around when I started this site.  This site is a really, really good idea that doesn't get any traffic.  Weebly would change that.  Because please tell me what is needed more than good healthy snark aimed at what America really does best- produce stupid, pointless junk and then make stupid, pointless commercials which convince stupid, aimless Americans that it's all necessary?

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Ok, so you are going to live. Now what?

I'm trying to remember a time in my life when I would have been anywhere near as delighted as this woman with the discovery that I was less likely to die in the very near future.  Nowadays I take comments from my doctor that I seem to be doing fine and that there are no obvious danger signs that jump from the results of my physical with a "meh, whatever" or even a sense of sadness that I've got no reason to believe that this is going to end any time soon.

This is what "you're healthy and if you continue to be healthy you are going to live a great many more years" means for more and more Americans:

A.  you can't retire because you are going to be elderly longer than you thought- plan for twenty-five years instead of fifteen like your parents did.

B.  no matter how hard you work, you are probably going to outlive your money and die in poverty.  Aren't you glad you're healthy?

C.  if you want to stay healthy, better keep shelling out what little money you have for this expensive drug, because it's what's keeping you artificially healthy.  When you can't afford it, your Cholesterol is going through the roof, which at least will take care of problems A and B.

The people in this ad seem to have so much to live for- the news that their chlorestorol level has fallen is greeted with high-fives and fist-pumps and "YES!" and clear demonstrations that they love their lives so very much, the news that they are going to be hanging around for awhile is Just Unbelievably Awesome Yay Crestor.

I guess I kind of envy them.

Monday, January 26, 2015

Too Soon?

Checking the YouTube comments, I can see that I'm not the only person to notice that the Taco Bell this nasty little runt runs to  has a Drive-Thru, which makes his whole "rush to get a handful of greasy junk topped with even greasier and saltier corn chips" bit pretty damned stupid and pointless.   Hey, moron- just get into that damned car, drive across the street, and you'll have all day to shovel that crud down your throat and not have to worry about getting a ticket.

Nor will I note that just because the kid is now in the car, he's still going to get a ticket unless he gets his car out of that parking space.  What, did he think that tickets are only placed on cars that are empty?

Instead, I'll just risk getting flamed by saying that in this case, I wouldn't mind at all seeing a clear case of police brutality.  "Bobby Sue" should pull that smarmy dick out of his car and beat that unjustified smirk off his face with her nightstick, witnesses or no witnesses.  Because he soooo deserves it.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

So much wrong with this Credit Karma ad, but let's cut to the chase....

1. This insane woman is talking to a website she apparently went on deliberately and by her own choice.  And she's calling the website a "you."  Insane woman is Insane.

2.  Idiot friend/housemate/whatever is very familiar (or works for) Credit Karma, and quickly confirms that yes, you can get your Free Credit Score for Free, Look They Don't Ask For Your Credit Card Number.  Idiot friend knows what Insane woman is doing because remember Insane woman is talking to the website.  

3.  Idiot friend is not really a friend, otherwise she'd tell Insane woman that her credit card company will give her her free credit score anytime she asks without making her vulnerable to spam email, phishing, and otherwise being pummeled with advertising from the invisible cookies Credit Karma slaps on her computer.  Or maybe Idiot friend is just a really, really big idiot.

4.  Check out the house these people are living in.  They can afford a lot of space and a very good cleaning crew to keep it gleaming.  Their credit is just fine, thank you.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Chevrolet Redefines "Lucky," and triggers another Society is Dead rant from me

Back in the Bad Old Days, when you traveled in a car with family or fellow adults, you'd engage in actual conversations- hey, we are together in a small space, we've got a way to go, let's talk.  Maybe we'll learn something about each other.  Maybe we'll clear the air.  If we get bored, we can listen to the radio.   Then we can comment on what the radio guy is saying or sing along with a familiar song.

Or maybe we'd play tapes/DVDs.  We'd talk about our favorite music, and do more singing along.  Either way, we'd be sharing an experience and bonding and the car ride woudn't just be a car ride.  (It didn't even have to be a car ride; I've written before about the girl I met on an Amtrak train back in the 80s- we talked and shared music for hours.  We never saw each other again, but I'll never forget her name or her voice or how quickly that 12 hours on the train went by- or how a lack of "connectivity" made that experience possible.)

Staring in the early part of this century, the odds that you'd be having a conversation with the people in your car began to drop dramatically.  Suddenly there were DVD players everywhere.  Ok, they kept the kids calm on long car rides- but they were being used ALL THE TIME, so when did parents talk to their kids about what happened at school, or how things were with their friends?  And when adults transported adults, more than likely the passengers would be on their cell phones or staring at them- and the person driving was no longer a friend to talk to, but just a valet; Let me know when you are at my stop so I can get out, ok?

*throughout the 1980s and 1990s, I drove neices and nephews back and forth between Vermont and the Washington DC area, usually two or three times a year, to visit their grandparents.  I'll never forget the first trip in which one of them had a cell phone.  It was much quieter- and nowhere near as pleasant.  It was clear to me that something very important had been lost, and was not going to be coming back.

And now we are being told that cars that are their own Hot Spots are some kind of great benefit, and people who own them are "lucky."  Funny- there's nothing in this ad that indicates that the owner of this car is "lucky" in any way- his passengers are braying jackasses who can't even be satisfied completely ignoring the driver while gazing at their loved ones (I mean, Tablets.)  They have to loudly comment on what they are doing instead of being with each other.  They might as well be total strangers in a taxi, for all the respect and gratitude they are showing the driver.  And yet the message is clearly supposed to be "look how awesome it is to have built-in WiFi in your car."  What am I missing?

I know what I'm missing- the basic human dignity and decency that includes interaction, and that is being steadily eroded by this constant addiction to Carry Everywhere Television and Electronic Distraction.  To hell with people, check out what's going on here on this screen you can bring with you.  Why would you want to get to know the people around you by talking to them when you can watch this pointless crap and pretend that you are alone in your living room?

Maybe I really was just born too late.  But every time I see one of these "never stop watching stuff ever" commercials, I'm so grateful that I grew up before "connectivity" became a religion, Antisocial asshattery became the norm, and conversations became something you have when there is absolutely, positively no alternative.   Because this- this is just gross, sorry.

Friday, January 23, 2015

How can we tell that this is a fairly old commercial for Lowe's?

It's certainly not that the father is being a bragging doofus doomed to fail.  That's true in every commercial, and has been true in pretty much every commercial for the past thirty years.

It's not that the kid is a disrespectful, ungrateful little punk who is probably mortified at the thought of being seen with Dad on the front lawn.  Again, this is pretty par for the course.

Nope- the way we know that this is an old commercial (it's from 2008, according to YouTube) is that neither the Dad nor his son seems to have a cell phone in his hand.  What did people do with their hands back then?

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Dish Network's salute to workers

Dish Network "Watch Television Everywhere And Never Do Anything Else Because Hey TV" Ad #1

This ad must be a real heart-warmer to the millions of Americans who are still unemployed or underemployed- a new little toy that allows people who have jobs to be totally ungrateful jackasses and watch television on company time.

Yeah, Americans are the hardest-working, most productive workers on the planet- but Dish Network is going to do it's very best to put a stop to that.

Oh, and balding, fat, grim boss-with-coffee-cup?  Hey Dish, the 50s called- they want their stereotypes back.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Ejector Seat Not Included?

When I first saw this ad, I thought it was a little progressive that it's the black couple that gets to be the smarmy, self-satisfied dicks in the front seat (and are the owners of the car.)  This is in sharp contrast to a Golden Corral commercial of a few years back, in which the black couple in the back seat literally hurl themselves on to the pavement to get away from their white "friends."

Then I noticed that the doofus idiot of the piece is still a pasty white guy, making a total jackass of himself by apparently not realizing that A)  it's not 1990 and GPS is available on pretty much every car- hell, my last Honda Civic had a Garmin, B) car companies have been pitching "don't pay attention to anything while you drive, your car will warn you before you get to kill anyone, just go on being a clueless smug moron" for quite some time now, and C) nobody likes nervous back-seat drivers- nobody liked them before cars had all these stupid bells and whistles, nobody likes them now.

Oh, and D- seriously, buddy, "you left your lights on?"  Has this guy been in a coma since the Clinton Administration?  It's almost impossible to accidentally leave the lights on in a car produced in the 21st century.  Ugh, what a jerk.  I suspect that the car owners enjoy his company because he's a constant reminder that They Are Better- even when they have to part with their precious car for a while.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

The Taken Franchise wraps up with the most cliche'd premise in Hollywood?


Liam Neeson comes home and finds his wife dead and himself framed for her murder.  He spends the entire movie simulatenously dodging the police while hunting for the real killer.

Yeah.....I liked this movie the first time I saw it, when it was called "The Fugitive."  Jeesh, Hollywood, really?

Meh...ok, as long as you don't let Maggie Grace and her boyfriend/driving test issues hog half the freaking movie like last time, I'm probably there.  But I swear, if this one ends with Neeson and his family enjoying hot fudge sundaes,  I'm going to hurt someone in that theatre.  Fair warning.

And here's a bit of irony for you- Liam Neeson once turned down an opportunity to screentest to be the next James Bond when Timothy Dalton retired....because he didn't want to do action movies.  No kidding.

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Hey Experian, 7-11's legal team just called....

1.  Just say "I have a very high credit score."  Telling this guy that you have a high credit score because of some stupid app isn't very bright.  My credit score is higher than this moron's, and I don't even have a Smartphone.

2.  "Hamburgers that look like Hot Dogs?"  Um, yeah- 7-11 has been selling them for decades.  In fact, they look exactly like these things do, except they're even better because they are infused with melted cheese (throw out the bun and they work pretty good for people on Atkins.)  Great "idea" there, Experion.  What's next, "curly" french fries?

Buy an Altima, and Feel like Royalty....

Preferably, 18th century Royalty.  Instead of a carriage, drive around in this LookAtMeMobile and enjoy the jealous stares of your Lessers until they get sick of dealing with your nonstop doucheyness and drag you kicking and screaming out of it.

Continue to act like Royalty and demand that the dirty masses take their disgusting unwashed hands off your Superior Self and get back to knowing Their Place.  Continue to demand the respect you didn't earn in any way other than choosing your parents wisely all the way up to the moment your head is lopped off your smug shoulders and stuck on a pike.

Better yet, stop dreaming about Acting Like Royalty and recognize that you live in a Society that will hate you if you attempt to Lord It Up over us.  And someday, we'll be done taking it and we'll turn on you.  And then you'll wonder what was so great about pretending to be Royalty.  As the flies suck the last of the dried blood off your rotting skull.  Jackwads.

Friday, January 16, 2015

Wow- even more obvious than usual, Chevy

Like a number of people who watched this commercial, I didn't notice at first that the actor who emerges from the building to get into the CompensationMobile isn't the same actor who initially walked into the building.  So I guess the message here is that a Little Boy in a Lame Car drove up to the building and was transformed into a Real Man (with Real Man Stubble)  Manhood Replacement Truck that gets him glances from cute girls in elevators.  He's even accompanied by better music when he gets into his Better Than A Car Because It Makes Me Feel Big truck.  This is all supposed to make us want to buy one of these things, I guess.

The last time I heard "Back in Black" accompanying a truck ride, Tony Stark was driving into a deadly ambush in Afghanistan.  It would have been fine with me if this commercial had ended the same way.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Seriously creepy, disturbing underwear ad

So this guy comes home to his palatial suburban estate and finds his clothes scattered all over the yard, on the roof, and in the tree.  "What'd I do?" he wonders- wow, really?  Either he's totally clueless, or a sociopath, or he's married to a lunatic.  In any case, this ad so far is more sad than funny (and I really do believe that it's makers were going for funny.)

He responds to this carnage by taking out a chain saw- and at this point, I wonder if I'm actually watching a commercial and not a trailer for a new thriller or a reinactment of a local news story.   Then comes the "hilarious" part- you see, the guy's favorite pair of underwear is in the tree, so he cuts it down to retrieve them.  Not as bad as what I thought we might see- the rage-filled slaying of this guy's significant other in brutal, bloody retaliation for her own violent, hysterical reaction to whatever he did- but bad enough, as it results in the thoughtless destruction of a 300-year old tree (to get back a pair of underwear.  Really.)

I know that the successful commercials are the ones that are eye-catching and memorable, and this one is both.  It's still really kind of weird, though, and it doesn't succeed in making me want to know more about the product.  And isn't that another thing that successful commercials are supposed to do?

Monday, January 12, 2015

Time for a little introspection, Fantasy Football Morons

If this how you react to "losing" your stupid time-sucking fantasy football "season," having a "bad day" isn't your real issue.  The real problem is that you are having a really, really bad life.  Losers.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

So basically child-sized gloves with bits of metal sewn in, for $19.95 a pair. Brilliant.

Oh, old people and their brittle, worthless hands- will they ever win?

Yes, as it turns out, they will- just as soon as they order themselves a pair of Copper Hands!  These amazing gloves (both magical and space age!) provide exactly the right amount of "compression" to soothe pain and keep you old people doing what you love- transplanting flowers from your postage-stamp gardens, opening jars of pickles, clipping coupons, scrolling through pictures of your freakish failed Siamese cat/Chihuahua breeding experiment (seriously, I don't even want to know what that thing on the phone is supposed to be, or why anyone would want multiple pictures of it.)

"A week ago, I could never have done this"- I'll ignore the logical disconnect in this woman's claim and just ask "do what, shill for a company trying to unload tiny gloves with the fingers cut out? Wiggle your fingers? What?"

Just check out the "doctor" in the ad (you can tell he's a doctor because he's got a stethescope draped around his shoulders and a blurry diploma in the background) - oddly enough, he doesn't mention copper in his endorsement of the product.  Instead, he basically just explains that the gloves help allieviate the symptoms of arthritis by virtue of being tight.  Nothing to do with copper at all- they are just gloves that are designed to be too small for the user.  Man I am in the wrong business.

Is there a Deluxe Silver Hands package designed to keep vampires away, available free (just pay extra shipping and handling) if you order now?

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Actually, a nice case of salmonella poisoning is probably exactly what the doctor ordered for these jackasses

A.  Wrap your arm around the pole, you stupid knob.  You can't convince me that anyone who carries food around like that- exposed, instead of in a bag like a normal, sane person- is worried about picking up germs.

B.  Get ready for an assault lawsuit from the people you "accidentally" fall into because you are too rock-stupid to steady yourself AND hold your breakfast at the same time.  Or at the very least, get ready for a knee to the groin.

C.  Get ready for a nice big, fat fine from the subway security, because I don't know where this is supposed to be taking place, but I've never been on a commuter rail system on which eating is permitted.  It's a whole vermin-infestation and cleanliness thing.  Not that these morons look like they give a flying damn about anyone but themselves, but if you hit them in the wallet maybe?

D.  Demonstrate that you are functioning adults who have two brain cells to rub together and just eat your f---ing food in the "restaurant" or on the way to the subway.  Again with the germs- are these people actually going to consume food they've been carrying around all over town exposed like that? How many dozens of people have coughed on it already?  This greasy junk must be alive with bacteria by now.  What the f--- is the matter with these people?

Friday, January 9, 2015

For Sloppy Valentines to itself, nobody beats Apple

This self-congratulatory wall of noise and blurry images brought to you by the masters of self-congratulation.  our friends at Apple.

Some companies are satisfied to try to convince us that their products will make our lives more fun, slightly more bearable, more interesting, etc.  Apple is forever intent on convincing us that their products will change the way in which the Earth revolves around the sun and that a thousand years from now, we will be using a new calender which marks Year One as the year Apple first decided to bless us with it's awesome thin electronic crap.

Personally, I'm pretty damned sick of Apple shouting "your life was a smoldering pile of nothing before we came along" in every one of their ads.  Especially since I'm not likely to ever actually own anything made by Apple (and yet....I live....I breathe....I communicate.....what the heck?)  Just tell me what new version of yesterday's pointless junk you are peddling this month, ok, Apple?  Stop trying to sell me on the idea that you are introducing a new Renaissance in Connectivity, because all I see is more and more people staring at screens like crack addicts looking for a constant fix.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Seriously Stupid, Sprint

Here's how to cut your phone bill by MORE than half- just use it to make calls and text.  Don't treat it as an f--ing portable television or movie theater.  Don't download everything that catches your eye as if you've got a severe case of ADD.  Use it in moderation and stop pretending that you can't find your way around your neighborhood without consulting it.   Do all that, and you can cut your phone bill in half- easily.

And then you don't have to go on tv and act like a freaking lunatic who was tazered, tagged and chained to a data plan which is draining you of your life savings, Poor Martyr You.

And Sprint?  You could make my life a little happier if you let me know that at least one person was seriously injured in the making of this ad.  Because all of these whiny choads definitely deserve it.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Montel Williams, Payday Loans, and the rigged economic system that keeps the poor poor

So you wake up one morning, walk into your kitchen, and step in a puddle of water.

Guess what?  Your refrigerator is dead.  Gone.  It's full of perishables and you need a new fridge. Today.

So, what do you do?  That depends entirely on your financial situation.

If you're rich, you call Sears or Best Buy or whoever and you order a new fridge for $1000.  You pay cash, which means the fridge costs you $1000.

If you're middle class (the definition of "middle class" in this country is "a poor person who thinks he's doing well because he can pay the bills and has credit) you pull out your VISA card and order a new fridge.  You pay $150 a month because that's what you can afford.  In seven months you've paid for it, and it cost you $1050.

If you're poor, you don't have cash and you don't have credit, so you go to Rent A Center or Aaron's and you sign a contract which requires you to make monthly payments of $69.99 for two years for your new fridge.  If you miss a payment, you'll get hit with a $40 charge.  If you miss a couple of payments, the fridge will be repossessed and the money you paid into it will be lost.  If you make all your payments, in two years you'll be out $1680 you paid for the same $1000 refrigerator the rich guy and the middle class guy got.  See how much fun it is to be poor?  See how easy it is to get yourself out of the situation of being poor?

Which brings us to scumbag Montel Williams and this revolting pimping for this company which doesn't call itself a Payday Lender though that's EXACTLY what it is.  "Would an extra thousand dollars be handy?"  Hmm-- if my refrigerator is broken, a thousand dollars is definitely what I need, but I wouldn't use the word "handy" where "essential" is much more accurate.  And "standing in line" behind other poor people in dire straits certainly would be annoying- but you know what, that's not a problem compared to paying 300% interest on a short-term loan.

In case some people out there aren't aware, here's how Payday Loans work- you go to one of these loan sharks and prove that you have a job, usually by providing a cancelled paycheck or pay stub.  Then you write a check for the amount you need to borrow, plus the usury-level interest rates required by the scumbucket leech Payday Loan company.  You get the money you need for the emergency (more about this in a moment) and now you are in even worse shape economically, because if you can't cover that check in a few weeks, guess what?  Time for another Payday Loan.  Economic death spirals are fun, aren't they?

These commercials rarely talk about people facing actual emergencies (like my broken refrigerator example.)  Instead, they show grinning idiots moaning that "there's a concert in town and I'm out of money" or "I need extra cash for Christmas," I think because they don't want to anger the audience by showing people being taken advantage of by Payday lenders - it's easier to shrug at these money-changers when their customers are presented as people who are stupid and frivilous with money anyway (hey, if you are really willing to risk your car title or next paycheck because you simply must see Katy Perry on Saturday night, why do I care about you?  Fools and their money, after all...)  So we won't see "John will be evicted if he doesn't have rent money tomorrow" or "Sue really needs to get the heat turned back on so her kids don't freeze to death" stories.  Because then we'd turn our anger on Mr. Williams and his We Are In Business Because You Are Poor sales pitch.  ("Designed with you in mind?"  Probably the most honest part of this ad.)

One more thing about Payday Lenders* before I end this (completely justifiable) rant- they rely on people with bad credit to stay in business.  So they don't report to credit bureaus when customers make their payments on time (because that would improve credit scores, and why would Payday lenders want to do that?)  They aren't required to, so they don't.  How does that gell with the "we care about you" message Montel Seriously Go Die Already Williams is shoveling at us here?

*I've never used Payday Loans, Rent A Center, Aaron's, Liberty Tax, or any other organization that preys on the poor.  In fact, my credit score is extremely high.  But I do enjoy researching stuff like this, and am well aware that "there but for the grace of g-d go I" is a good thing to keep in mind for everyone.

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Because G-d F--ing forbid you ever, EVER put that stupid electronic toy down

Well, thank goodness you never, ever have to be "disconnected" from your fellow techno-addled jackass friends, because otherwise

1.  You might actually find yourself forced to have a conversation with the person sitting on the couch with you (the look on that guy's face says nothing other than "good lord, there has got to be something going on somewhere I can get in on and at least mentally escape this loser.")

2.  Someone somewhere else would not be treated to your Way Too Important To Wait "hey, whassup?" call.  (This must really make that other guy on the couch feel good about himself- his friend is hanging out at the house, they seem to be watching a football game- but he feels compelled to make an utterly pointless "hey, whassup?" call to someone else.*)

3.  Grandma might actually have to wait to see pictures from the family trip she wasn't invited on - "hey grandma, here's a selfy from the gondola during our ski trip, did we tell you we were going on a ski trip?  Well anyway here's a photo, so don't expect a call this week because this covers it."

*I was on Amtrak for all of fifteen seconds before the guy across the aisle from me made a "hey, whassup?"call on his cell phone.  Within another thirty seconds I had my earplugs, earphones, and portable DVD player going.  I used to read on the train.  That's pretty much an impossibility now, since the jackasses with rocks in their heads simply can't bear to be alone with their thoughts for more than a few minutes at a time.

Saturday, January 3, 2015

'tis the season to be an immoble, socially isolated zombie. Wait a minute, isn't that every season?

You an almost hear their muscles becoming atrophied through the tv.

What you can't hear is me pretending to care that these morons equate "winning" with succeeding in mastering some stupid, pointless, brain-cell and life-sucking video game.  Because I can't manage that.  I guess I'm going to have to leave the "dominating" to these worthless, vapid pools of skin.

Just one thing, jackanapes:  When you finally do get up from the couch?  The time you spent doing absolutely nothing is gone forever.  It's not coming back.  Sorry, but I just thought you needed reminding.

Friday, January 2, 2015

The North Face steals a classic folk song. Why am I not surprised in the least?

This Land Is Your Land was written by legendary American folk singer Woody Guthrie in 1940, the year in which America was transitioning from the Great Depression and the New Deal to preparation for World War II, which was already raging in Europe.  It was written in response to Irving Berlin's extremely popular- but oppressively cloying and jingoistic- God Bless America.  Early versions of the song were criticized by bigoted, ignorant morons as endorsements of Communism (and therefore, of course, Un-American and Wrong.)  This Land Is Your Land was not released until 1945, at the end of the conflict with Germany and Japan and the beginning of the conflict with the Communist World.

The song originally included the phrase "God blessed this land for you and me," but Guthrie didn't want to mock Berlin's song and he didn't want to exclude non-believers, so he changed it to "This land was made for you and me,"  It also includes verses mocking the idea of private property and walls designed to keep people away, and actually questioned the direction of a country which claimed to be an island of freedom in a world of slavery in a pompous, clueless, Disney-ish "America Love It Or Leave It" kind of way.*  These were scary concepts in the 1940s and are scary concepts now, because when it comes to shallow and paranoid, nobody beats Americans.

And when it comes to using classic songs to sell stuff, again, nobody beats Americans.  Which is why we now have the song which really ought to be the National Anthem (wouldn't this or "America" be far better choices than a song about an assault on a fort during a war nobody remembers?) being used to sell jackets and backpacks.  Ugh.

*In the squares of the city, In the shadow of a steeple;
By the relief office, I'd seen my people.
As they stood there hungry, I stood there asking,
Is this land made for you and me?

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Let's sum up this sad KFC Commercial

Watch this ugly doofus slob miss the entire point of the Office Holiday Party.  Yes, his coworkers are weird, and have weird ideas of what "having fun" means (karaoke?  Really?)  And they have really odd notions of what decent party food is- it looks like they've got fruitcake, jello, maybe some pate?  So- not much fun, and no good food.

But that's not what the party is about, is it?  I mean, isn't this supposed to be a time for colleagues to just spent some time getting to know eachother a little better in a comfortable, no-stress setting?

I guess not- to this guy, it's all about the food.  So he ditches his coworkers and instead of being at a party, he's sitting all by himself at the local KFC getting ready to consume a bowl of shepard's pie.

And I think we are supposed to think he made a wise choice.  Hmmm....