Stellantis- the multinational umbrella corporation for Chrysler which has owned Jeep since 1987 (did you get all that?) produces some of the very worst-rated motor vehicles sold in the United States. They are built entirely or almost entirely within the United States, which I guess allows Stellantis to peddle their purchase as some kind of patriotic act, complete with a very expensive spokesperson who actually owns a Jeep (along with a lot of other vehicles he can drive when that Jeep is in the shop. Very relatable.)
Besides producing this overpriced crap (the Grand Cherokee seems to be a particularly buggy model) and fending off class-action lawsuits from angry customers, Stellantis also produces such notorious garbage as Fiat and Alfa Romero- all gloss and glitter, no dependability. The company has become a punchline among car enthusiasts the way Ford (the company, not the actor*) was in the 1970s, 1980s, 1990s...oh heck, it's still a punchline.
*come to think of it, Harrison Ford's last big release was Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny, which bombed hard, suggesting that he's no better at choosing film products than in choosing all-terrain vehicles. I bet the check for doing this ad is more than enough to pay the repair bill when the next piece of plastic on that Jeep breaks, though.
I could go all day, every day, without seeing repeated close-ups of these idiots- or ANY idiots- aggressively biting into greasy hamburgers as if some vendetta against bread and meat is being settled. Why are they attacking these cholesterol delivery systems rather than simply eating them? And why did one of these guys arrive with the burgers as if he committed a heist instead of just making a quick run to the Wendy's drive-thru? And who thought that showing these guys attacking their "food" to the sound of orchestra riffs would be entertaining or interesting or make the product look one bit less repulsive??
Why do they both look so angry?
Why are the bots in the comment section even more obvious than usual? I mean, come on. Nobody thinks this ad is good. Nobody.
I would like the option to zoom in on this commercial, touch the screen, and have it completely erased from my memory forever. I didn't ask for this, I don't want this, and I know I'm going to see it again so I'll have to make repeated use of that option because someone over at Apple thought that this was a good idea.
What the actual hell am I even watching this person do? Why is the other person taking these photos? Why is the subject of the photos so irritated that the person who managed to hold down her lunch while taking them accidentally showed up in one? What is the plan once the photos have been taken? Can I assume they are going to be shared because Everything Is Shared? But why? Is that just a dumb question only a Boomer would ask?
I just can't with this ad.* I need it explained to me, yet I don't want it explained to me. I'm just going to go outside and shake my fist at a cloud instead.
*and yes, I know why the comments are turned off. I'm sure the level of hate was ridiculous and I would not have contributed in any way; I don't care about the sex or gender of these people because it doesn't matter. This is a garbage ad regardless.
Apparently this is why men* work five days a week in offices doing Important Things for Important Companies from roughly the time they are 25 until they are in their mid-60s: So they can spend their weekends sitting in folding chairs in their driveways drinking watered-down swill until inspired to do something even more pointless and stupid and time-wasting, probably by a combination of the slight beer buzz they are getting, sun stroke, and a generally lack of interest in anything beyond that cul-de-sac.
So we get a kind of mini-riot in which leaf blowers are used to shoot cans at the houses of the equally vacuous neighbors who of course are instantly shaken out of their Suburban Comas to commit their own acts of vandalism until finally settling down to an afternoon of grilling, drinking and trying not to remember that time in college when they actually thought that their lives might have some level of meaning. Peyton Manning shows up because of course he does; this is a commercial on American Television running during a sporting event and I'm pretty sure his presence is required in the FCC code.
On Monday morning all of these guys will climb into their Range Rovers, Audis and F-150s and head back to the office for another week of doing Whatever It Takes To Pay for This. And so it goes. Until the sweet embrace of death comes for them and nothing of value is lost.
*I am well aware that we live in a two-income economy, but I also know that in Commercial Land the guy is still the main breadwinner and especially in beer commercials women are just props.
With its sleek styling and eye-catching extras like Driver and Google Assist, built-in GPS, heated seats, steering wheel, seatbelts, dash, glove compartment and sun visors (probably, why not) as well as screens everywhere you look, the Buick Enclave will impress your friends every minute it is in your driveway and not at the Dealership getting something else fixed- in other words, roughly three weekends a month.
With a base model (stripped down, including NONE of the things mentioned in the above paragraph) price of only $45,890 you don't need to be among the One Percent to "own" one of these ridiculous, overengineered beauties. You just need $4999 due at signing and convenient monthly payments of $679 a month for sixty months,* assuming you qualify for the low low advertised APR...which would make you among the One Percent.
Otherwise, we can get you into this Wannabee LookAtMeMobile for that $679 a month, we'll just stretch it out over 72 months, don't worry it looks exactly the same in your driveway, there's no way your neighbors will know. Your mechanic might eventually notice that he's been working on the same obnoxious piece of Foolish Vanity like clockwork for seven years but who cares what he thinks, he probably drives a Toyota or something else Sensible, the Loser.
With only five active recalls and minor, barely-worth-mentioning common complaints such as engine cooling issues, engine electrical issues, squeaking or grinding brakes, and the minor, expected-in-all-models early transmission rebuild or replace, this Buick will be the gem of your neighborhood. And on those occasions when you actually have it out on the road, those screens are a great distraction from a heater that doesn't heat and AC that doesn't cool.
Remember, in Buick commercials Buick owners are always asking "where's the Buick?" or saying "let's take the Buick?" because when you own a Buick you are constantly reminded it's a Buick. I mean, the name is right there on top of the work order and the monthly payment.
*by the way, you can easily find ten-year old versions of this model for as low as $7300 on the used car market. Makes you think about little thing called Depreciation, doesn't it? If not, let me quickly break it down for you: If you bought this Buick new in 2015 for $26000 and paid it off in $360.99 per month installments over the course of six years, in 2021 you'd own a car that four years later would be worth $7300. If that sounds like a good deal to you, then paying $499 a month for six years for a 2025 model instead of $7300 for the 2015 probably sounds good too.** So go for it. I'm just glad you don't handle my money.
**And I'm not even going to mention the difference in insurance rates when comparing a 2015 Buick to the 2025 model. I think I've made my point.
Full disclosure: I have no idea who Heidi Montag is. I guess she's some kind of "influencer?" But who the hell isn't? I don't care.
This stuff has been around FOREVER (at least twenty years.) The company that developed it went bankrupt back in 2005 and the formula* and brand name was purchased by another entity which continues to make ads featuring people celebrating their weight loss with Hydroxycut. This stuff is available in the supplement aisle of a lot of stores, dangerously close to actual medications backed up by actual clinical studies. So even if you never see any of these commercials you might be convinced that this is a weight loss drug approved by doctors and just blonde girls in bikinis with zero credentials.
*the formula is olives, mint, and coffee. There's a "non-stimulating" version that doesn't have any coffee. There are no other "active ingredients" in this Basically a Placebo. Which is the most positive thing I can say about it- at least, it doesn't seem capable of doing any harm except to your bank account. But if you really want to lose weight, why would you waste time with this nonsense?
1. You can tell that this is a fairly old commercial where we have a woman thinking that she's going to effortlessly jump from one high-paying job to another. Thing is, it's from 2021, and the United States was just starting to come out of the pandemic and the job market was even worse than it is now. And why is nobody here wearing a mask?
2. Like all Indeed Commercials, the disgruntled worker or unemployed person at the center of the narrative thinks that an invitation to interview = a job. Last time I checked, interviews did not come with any pay at all. If I was paid for every interview for a teaching position I had in the early 1990s, I could have retired without ever starting an actual teaching career. That would have been nice, actually.
3. I can't help wonder if this woman's "I'm actively seeking a job at another company while drawing a paycheck from my current company" attitude might be one reason why she keeps getting turned down for a promotion. Maybe it's a self-fulfilling prophecy? Maybe the guy who got the job ISN'T constantly updating his resume on Indeed and Monster and LinkedIn and actually oh, I don't know, just EARNING HIS PAYCHECK?
4. I also can't help wonder if this woman has ever just come out and told the Suits who run her company that if she doesn't get a promotion, she's going to walk. If you are really valuable to your employer, this can actually be a pretty effective way of getting what you want. Standing there with a tight thin fake smile and tearing-up eyes before checking your phone for an exit ramp might not be. Just a thought. Four thoughts, as it turns out.
