Sunday, September 20, 2009

More rank stupidity, courtesy of our friends at Verizon

Two guys are sitting in what I guess is the office cafeteria. One notices that the other has the new Blackberry Storm and congratulates him on it, as he has one too.

First Guy" "How sick is the web browsing? All the APPs, GPS, video...."

Second Guy: "Um, yeah....."

Let me just jump in here, before the commercial gets to it's inevitable "you didn't get "The Network," which means you are a total loser because you are actually unable to play with your stupid security blanket/toy for a few minutes a day" punchline. I just have to say something about the vocabulary skills exhibited by Guy # 1. Maybe it's just my age, but I find something really grating about hearing a guy who appears to be in his late-20s or early-30s using a phrase like "How sick is the web browsing." Ok, I suppose "sick" is just this year's "groovy" or "awesome," but it still strikes me as amazingly stupid. It could also be because once again, we have two guys sitting at the same table, apparently about to eat lunch, and all they have to talk about is the web browsing one of them is capable of carrying on.

First Guy: "You......didn't get your Blackberry with the Verizon Network, did you?"

Second Guy (sheepishly) "No.....but look! Paperweight mode!"

Ugh, what the f-ever, man. You know, in a world in which people were still capable of exercising some level of social interaction, Guy # 2 would never discover that Guy #1 didn't have access to God Knows What from the fucking cafeteria- because Said People would be, I don't know, talking to eachother instead of fucking around with their god-damned Blackberries. But because people simply don't talk to eachother anymore (unless it's about their loved ones, just collected from the Verizon Store) your level of coverage will quickly become known to EVERYONE AROUND YOU. After all, if you HAD COVERAGE, you'd be USING YOUR BLACKBERRY, right?

How about this scenerio?

Guy #1: "You don't have the Verizon Network, do you?

Guy #2 : "Why do you ask?"

Guy #1: "Well, you aren't using your Blackberry. So I assume you don't have coverage here."

Guy# 2: "Um, that's because I'm sitting here with you, eating lunch. I thought we might just talk."

Guy#1: "Check out the Web Browsing! It's sick!"

Guy # 2: "No thanks. Hey, how's your wife and kids? Haven't seen them since last Christmas."

Guy #1: "Gotta update my Twitter account. Later."

Ah, good times, good friends. Except, not really.

How sick is this society? Oops, sorry. I know I'm using that wrong.


  1. The sickening thing about these spots is that, as you mentioned, they always depict situations that would never happen in real life; in real life, Thing One and Thing Two would be discussing the competing playoff hopes of sports franchises instead of displaying their electronic virility.

  2. I don't know; considering the number of "couples" and "families" I see sitting around food courts and parks spending more quality time with their little electronic beeping things than with each other, and the number of times outings with my nieces and nephews have been interrupted by "I just have to check this" messages from people who are not there, I think this commercial is depressingly true to life.

    I have to snark on a recent commercial for Sony Playstation in the future- the tag line is "spend more time with the family- Get a Playstation." Well, I guess if you consider yelling at a tv set as you push buttons "spending time with your family," that works. Bleh.

  3. This raises an important and rather horrifying question: wouldn't these people look foolish if they were asked to describe their 'families' and stood there looking like chumps 'cause they didn't? I mean, they'd know the other people's names and be able to give you a vague physical description but that would be about it; they wouldn't know their relatives from a damned hole in the ground. It's appalling that the mobile phone companies regard this freakish atomization of the family as a good thing.

  4. I bet they can tell you about their APPs, though!

    And how SICK they are!

  5. Remember, these are people who have thousands of Facebook "Friends," but when they are with a real live human being, all they can talk about is their phones.

  6. Have you seen Pointless Planet yet? It's a satirical look at really bad commercials; check it out:

  7. Hey -- Pointless Planet here. This is an excellent site. Your commentary is dead-on; great read. Keep up the fight.