Monday, August 5, 2019

More Fun with Febreze!



Seriously, who writes this stuff?  Every Febreze commercial features an obviously drugged-out-of-her-mind Trophy Wife who has obviously lost her will to live and is only avoiding suicide by breathing in clouds of toxic fumes being released from pressurized cans.

In this ad, the sad little mannequin who sold her soul for a house, a new last name, and a MRS Degree in Advanced Cleaning, Cooking and Taking Kids to Swimming Lessons is enjoying her regular dose of vanilla-scented poison right in front of her kids, who by the way sure look like they are late for the Village of the Damned auditions.  Thing One says to Thing Two "she's doing it again," to which Thing Two really ought to respond "Daddy says its ok, the hot cleaning lady does most of the work and he wanted to stop at two offspring anyway."

TrophyWife can't take a moment to reflect on what a horrorshow her life has become- she's so bored, so stripped of anything resembling a personality, she finds pleasure in being coated by antibacterial stew- because that might just be fatal, and Daddy isn't quite ready to trade her in for a newer, cuter model QUITE yet.  Still, that babysitter is available, and gets along great with the kids, and seems to like the big house just like TrophyWife did when she was TrophyGirlfriend, so who knows?

(Meanwhile, check out the perfectly ordinary, Obviously Not a TrophyWife woman using Brand X air freshener- clearly to her air freshener is just something you use in between cleanings, or in an odor emergency, and spraying it is just one of the ten thousand chores people have to do sometimes in between working, playing and actually Having a Life.  She gets no joy out of spraying chemicals around just like she gets no joy out of pouring Clorox into the toilet or reaching for a Bounty paper towel when one of the Spawn She Created as Part of Her Side of the BargainTM creates a spill.  She gets her happiness in life through her career, or being a good parent and life partner, or who knows what but NOT by breathing in fumes from a can.  Crazy woman, she'll NEVER be a TrophyWife with THAT attitude!)

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