Allstate and the Weirdest Phrase in the Insurance Business

 

You've heard it a thousand times- the phrase that scrambles my brain because I can't believe it's not part of an Onion article and is actually a common selling point that has been used by Allstate and other insurance companies for decades.  The phrase that implies that there's only one person responsible for repairing the damage, and it's the person in the mirror, and it's really gauche of you to think otherwise.

The phrase is "Claim Forgiveness."

Think about it.  The selling point in this ad is that you don't have to worry about filing a claim on your insurance when the thing you've insured- a house, in this case- suffers damage covered by your policy.  Allstate will "forgive" you and won't punish you by raising your rates.  Aren't they awesome?  Aren't they forgiving?  Isn't this the kind of insurance company you want to do business with?  I mean, look how nice they are when you ask them to, um, live up to the terms of the contract they signed with you.

Am I taking crazy pills?  I was the victim of a hit and run accident three weeks ago.  I called my insurance company and filed a claim before the police officer had given me back my driver's license.  Know what I didn't do even once during the conversation with the person taking down my information? I didn't use the word "sorry" or ask her to "forgive" me for bothering them with my personal issues while parked on the shoulder of the Garden State Parkway. 

I'm such an awful person that when I got home I immediately got the car to a mechanic to confirm the loss, and then even called my company several times to discuss getting it towed away.  Having been raised with no manners at all as a member of the Most Entitled Generation,  I'm in the process of negotiating a settlement.  That's right, I'm actually asking them to reimburse me with enough cash to buy a new (used) car.  Because I was raised in a barn, obviously.

I don't have Allstate, so I don't know if my carrier will "forgive" me for my multiple trespasses against them.  In case you haven't figured it out already, I'm such an entitled Karen that I haven't even sent flowers or made the slightest move to smooth over our damaged relationship.  I mean, my insurance company must feel so betrayed.  Our relationship was once so simple- I sent money every month, and they, um, gave me a piece of cardboard with their name on it, and an App.  But then I went and complicated everything by filing a claim.  Maybe that's Unforgiveable.  Maybe some wounds will never heal.  I'll have to wait until I buy a new car to find out for sure.