It's a gambling app that skirts the already virtually non-existent anti-gambling laws by calling itself a "Futures Market." A gambling app that sells itself with stupid commercials designed to befuddle and flummox and and cause the viewer to chuckle and think about pretty much anything EXCEPT the fact that it's selling a life-ruining addiction as "fun."
Yes, I know what Kalshi is. And yes, in 2026 it really is Totally Normal. More's the pity.
And there's nothing sadder than a guy dealing with a broken date with a night of staring at his phone screen and tapping to earn "coins" of whose worth, I am proud to say, I have absolutely no concept.
Maybe this guy's girlfriend was able to get her boyfriend's intense ugliness, but not his sad addiction to playing stupid gambling-adjacent games on his phone? Well, at least when she turns him down, he won't have to hock that ring behind her back.
Yeah, I have no mercy for the actors who are willing to appear in ads pitching this garbage. And - Ryan Secord? He's still a thing? Well, considering that he's in ads for Chumba Casino, I guess the answer is "No?"
It's not funny enough that the woman in this ad is listing suggestions of all the things one could do if they were suddenly handed $10,000. I think we were aware already. She has to include "pay down that payday loan" as one of the options. Yeah- pay down that payday loan with....another payday loan.
And if you got that quick $10,000 loan from Western Sky, you'd pay back $743.49 for eighty-four months, a total of just over $62,000. There's credit card expensive, pawn shop expensive, payday loan expensive, loan shark expensive....and Western Sky expensive. Which means that the people who applied for money from Western Sky had either burned through all of those other options, or actually thought that Western Sky was a better deal. Neither is a good sign.
So...how did things work out for these customers before Western Sky was shut down in 2013 under an avalanche of lawsuits and government investigations for violations of usury laws?
The word of the year is Affordability. The phrase of the year is Affordability Crisis. The mood of the year is Exhausted if it isn't Just Plain Scared.
None of this is going to stop Capital One from giving us another year of Jennifer Garner and her friends zipping around the world seeing Amazing Things in between drinking white wine from comfy chairs in exclusive Capital One airport lounges, putting everything on Capital One cards which earn Big Big Points Rewards for people who spend as much money on them as, say, Jennifer Garner.
This is almost as tone-deaf as the Lexus December to Remember Ads which will start showing up between Halloween and Thanksgiving. Almost.
I don't know how much that first woman loves coffee. Her refrigerator is filled with Coffee Mate and nothing but Coffee Mate, like she experienced a supply line trauma during COVID and will never, EVER let that happen again. So she either has a separate fridge JUST for Coffee Mate or it is the only thing she consumes in her own home. Judging from her girth, I have to assume it's the former.
I also don't know why the guy reading the ad is getting so fake-exasperated with his inability to read the script without being interrupted. Dude, it's not funny. We get the point of this ad ten seconds in, yet it goes on. And on. And on. Has to be a Superbowl ad. Only a Superbowl ad is this over-produced.
In the end, I don't see anyone actually enjoying coffee- not that first woman, not the abominable snowman/bigfoot hybrid at the end. I see a lot of people obsessed with fatty sweat creamer. Coffee seems to be the thing they use to add a little dash of caffeine to their glass or mug of fatty sweat creamer. That's fine- I mean, it's your life- but this has nothing to do with "enjoying coffee" in my book.
We start off with David being annoyed that he has to ask his dumb, expensive toy to turn the lights on TWICE. Because David is ridiculous, and because nobody told David that he didn't need to buy that stupid expensive toy and could have turned the lights on by flipping a freaking switch. But David wants to be cutting edge and he wants to bitch about it, so here we are.
I guess David can't tell his coffee maker to operate- maybe he just wasn't willing to risk having to ask twice- so he walked down the street and tried to buy coffee at the shop. Because we are forever jousting with straw men here, David goes to the only cafe in the world where a robot actually creates your coffee for you and is again disappointed by technology. Hey David, how many coffee shops run by actual humans did you walk past so you could make that cross you're carrying a little heavier?
David finally arrives at Chase, and he's there for all of three seconds before an attractive young woman walks up to greet him and guide him into an office to talk about David's Money. He must be a new client. She sits with him at a desk featuring a big computer display reading David's Goals in huge letters because everyone in this commercial is five years old. And BECAUSE David is five years old, he has exactly two goals- a new car, and a vacation.
David is a dunce who already is carrying around an Attitude concerning the minor burdens he's given himself to carry, and now he's told Chase that his real problem is that he doesn't have any actual plans for navigating the future, he just wants Christmas to come early. Personally, I'd be ashamed to tell my broker that my "goals" are to go on a vacation and buy a new car. Hey David, how about planning for retirement?
What we don't see is the broker telling David that the best way to plan for his stupid spending goals is to cut back on the purchase of dumb, showy electronics and $8 coffees and to learn how to turn on his own damn lights and make his own damn coffee. What a knob you are, David.
1. The reason why Sports Gambling "is now available in all fifty states" is because the Supreme Court struck down an attempt to pass an online gambling ban in 2018 and the states then realized that taking a stand against online gambling was not worth it when weighing it against the lost revenue as their own residents simply crossed state lines to gamble.
2. Know how the AI "associate" connected to your DraftKings account always reacts when you lose a lot of money? It sends you condolences- and free money to gamble with. Say you lose $500 betting on the NFL one Sunday. The next morning, as you get up to spend another week at the job that more and more only exists to feed your addiction and maybe are reflecting on how maybe-just maybe- you should just delete that app from your phone that is robbing you of your financial security, you get a notification on your phone from an AI saying something like "looks like we* had a rough week- these things happen! Here's $100 in credits to show we care!**" Your connection is your friend, y'all!
*"We" didn't have a rough weekend. The gambler did. DraftKings had a GREAT weekend, because a GREAT weekend for DraftKings REQUIRES a bad weekend for a majority of its customers.
**DraftKings understands that there are people out there who really do consider getting professional help to stop gambling after suffering a heavy loss. They really DO care about these people, and want to cut that idea of getting Woke Soft Liberal Counseling out of the thoughts of their customers FAST. A quick $100 or so in free "money" to gamble with is worth it to keep the addict addicted.
Enjoy the games today, brought to us by Every Online Gambling App Out There.
Since she seems to be at a college football game, and college football games are played almost exclusively on Friday night or Saturday, and it's not nighttime, your boss "Jeff" expects you to work on the weekend and you have to come up with a lame excuse to have a life outside of work?
Next time, don't call in sick. Just tell Jeff that you will not be working this Saturday because you plan to attend a football game- no, actually, leave that part out. Just say you wont' be working this Saturday. It's none of Jeff's damn business why.
If Jeff calls you on a day you've taken off, don't answer the phone. You work for Jeff; he doesn't own you. NEVER answer your phone when it's your job and you are not at work. When you do, you are letting your job commit time theft and trust me, Jeff will not be giving you brownie points. He expects you to answer because in the past, you've always been a good corporate doggie.
If you do answer the phone out of force of habit, don't project the mannerisms of a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. You and Jeff are both adults, and Jeff is not your Dad, and you are not a child. If Jeff asks where you are, tell him that you are NOT at work and that is all Jeff needs to know. Stand up for yourself, you ridiculous cringing simp.
Oh, and your Social Media? Get over your Main Character Syndrome- not because it might hurt you on the job, but because you are nothing special and nobody really cares what you are doing 24/7. But for chrissakes stop acting like you were "caught" being "naughty" by going to a freaking game. What the hell is with people these days?
I don't blame Oregon for rolling up the score- after two poor performances, one of which they lost, they fell from No. 6 to No. 21 and the only chance they have of getting back into the Playoff is by bombing out as many opponents as they can for the rest of the season. That's the sad nature of the ranking system- it heavily discourages removing good players from the field when the game is out of reach. It's why we see starting quarterbacks still in the game when their team is up 50-0 with five minutes left. Beating unranked teams by four touchdowns or more is kind of required, especially if you've knocked yourself out of the top 12 with an actual LOSS against one.
That being said, there is ZERO excuse for the preening and posing and celebrating while beating up an obviously outmatched team. This is NOT required by the ranking computers. Oregon doesn't get any more consideration because it's players danced after scoring yet another touchdown against a local squad manned by kids who are NOT playing for a spot in the playoffs, let alone for the eyes of NFL scouts.
This would be like NFL players celebrating every score in a game against a High School squad. Disgusting behavior. Oregon should be ashamed. Yes, win the game and win it by as many points as you can but if you can't bring yourself to do it because it's a Job that Must be Done without rubbing your opponent's faces in it, well, something is seriously wrong with you guys.
Let's get this straight right off the bat: I do not care for Eric. Eric is an entitled, whiny tax cheat who thinks he's being persecuted because the IRS is not allowing him to skate on his tax responsibilities. Hey Eric- I'd own a lot more property if I didn't pay my fair share, too.
Eric is super-thrilled because after contracting with Optima Tax Relief, he got his tax bill of $15,000 settled for $3500, which he probably paid by borrowing against that nice house being a tax cheat got him. Warms the heart, doesn't it?
But here's what Eric wasn't told: First, for a $200 fee he could have applied for an IRS Offer in Compromise, which -- if Eric was indeed facing financial hardship-- almost certainly would have resulted in a reduction in his taxes owed. Maybe not what Optima promises, but a reduction nonetheless. And without those heavy Optima Tax fees.
On average, in exchange for that $11500 reduction in his taxes, Eric would also be paying out between $2000 and $3000- and possibly as much as $7000- to Optima Tax Relief in fees (just getting started costs between $300 and $500 which he would not get back if OTR got a reduction of even one penny as a result of it's "work" on Eric's "behalf.") So if Eric gets that total tax bill reduction cut from $15000 to $3500, he will have to add at least $2500 and possibly as much as $7000 to that bill, substantially reducing the windfall created by using OTR.
Let's split the difference and say that Optima charges him $3500, and his tax bill to the IRS is $3500. That's still half what he owed- and now we get to the REAL "missed" information; that saved $7500 counts as income, Eric. You're going to have to declare that, Eric, when you file those taxes I assume you're going to actually file now rather than going right back to your scummy criminal ways, Eric.
I bet you didn't realize this and Optima didn't tell you because it's not their job to tell you, Eric.
In the end, assuming everything goes exactly as Eric hoped, maybe he ended up saving $5k. But it's entirely possibly that Eric could have saved much, much more- by NOT calling Optima Tax and calling the IRS instead. I suspect that Eric didn't do this either because he was truly ignorant of the IRS's programs designed to help people pay their taxes or because he wasn't willing to put his ill-gotten gains at risk through a serious audit and an honest, responsible payment plan.
Either way, you suck Eric and I really hope that when January came around and you realized you had to pay taxes on the forgiven debt, you didn't have it and had to take out another loan. In any case, I have no doubt that you went right back to cheating the moment you realized that it was even slightly profitable. Enjoy being a famous bum.
I get the idea: girl is ambitious and energetic and serious about wanting to get the very most of her money by investing. So serious that she opens a brokerage account because she realizes that doing what us Boomers did- opening a regular savings account- doesn't work nowadays any more than it actually worked back then (yes, the whole passbook savings accounts/ school savings plan thing really was a scam and definitely NOT the way to save money.)
What I DON'T get is the surly look surgically applied to this girl's face during the entire ad. I think it's supposed to be "serious." But it just comes off as nasty and prematurely elitist, like she's Above the Herd because she likes money and likes the idea of turning money into more money. It's easy to imagine her firing her crew of lawn-mowers because they have a Pee Wee baseball game to get to, it's mom's birthday, or there's a major math test at school tomorrow. Or they want to start a Union.
Again- I get what Chase is TRYING to do here. But there's just no reason why "thinking about the future" and "being intentional with money" needs to translate to "humorless" and "old before one's time." Kid, you're still a Kid. Good for you for thinking about the future. But maybe get that stick out of your ass and enjoy the present and don't take yourself so damned seriously. You've got plenty of time to be a Good Little Corporatist Vulture. For now, how about enjoying something about life that doesn't involve feeding the machine?
1. Why does it take two people to deliver extra towels to the room? One person to actually carry the towels and another to tell the customer that these are, in fact, the extra towels they ordered? Is this why the room is so expensive, Hilton?
2. Who is going Without because an unlimited amount of extra towels is being made available to this one room? Does Hilton just HAVE an infinite supply of towels stashed away somewhere? Every single one of these towels will have to be laundered for the next guests. Going to be hiring more help to get that done, Hilton?
3. Why is this commercial running twice during every commercial break of the college football game I have on in the background? What's with the oversaturation? Once was too many. Once every break is too many. Twice during every commercial break is, I believe, a War Crime as defined by the Geneva Convention.
4. Why is everything and everyone on tv so stupid? Why does every ad have to assault our common sense and braincells like this? I'm pretty sure it wasn't always the case. What happened?
All of these DriveTime commercials have one thing in common- the laser-like focus on the monthly payment.
Know what kind of customer actually obsesses over the monthly payment of a car that they are interested in? The kind of customer who is terrible at math, terrible at planning, terrible at budgeting, and 100 percent invested in Living for Today.
There's another DriveTime ad in which the phrase "Monthly Payment" is uttered three times in less than 15 seconds. When I find it I will definitely comment on it, because that's even more cringe than this garbage.
Of course, the number that really matters is the FINAL PURCHASE PRICE OF THE CAR. It's a number we pretty much never see in DriveTime ads. If asked, DriveTime would explain that it's because the final price depends on....the monthly payment chosen by the consumer.
Because what they NEVER TELL YOU is that the smaller the monthly payment, the HIGHER THE INTEREST RATE CHARGED SERIOUSLY PEOPLE THIS IS NOT COMPLICATED AND YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE.
Instead, DriveTime shows us the cool Monthly Payment Slide Bar you get when you download the app. Look, you can decide how much extra hidden interest you want to pay by keeping that monthly hit low you want to pay per month to live an economic lie represented by a vehicle. In short, that sliding bar exists to do the job car salesmen used to do- to convince you to buy a car you have no business buying.
Let's illustrate this. Let's say that one of these idiots really really wants that Crossover with a sticker price of $40,000. You don't have $40,000 but you do have decent credit, so you look at financing at 6% for 48 months (until a few years ago, that was the length of the average new car loan.) You move that little blue bar on your app, and find that your monthly payment is - $939. For four years, at the end of which you will have paid just over $5000 in interest.
Ouch, you say. "I can't afford that," you say. "I had better look for something more reasonable," you DON'T say. Because you've got that app with the little blue bar, which you now pull to the right to magically stretch out your loan lower that monthly payment.
Hey look! With a single touch, you've dropped that monthly payment to $705. MUCH more manageable, NOW we're talking, NOW we've got a deal! So what if your payments have been extended to 72 months instead of 48, and you'll be paying $10,000 in interest instead of five. The only thing that matters is the Holy Monthly Payment, right?
This is how they get you. Because it looks easy. It looks simple. The screen is too small to show the details, not that they have any interest in showing the details. It's all about getting you comfortable and convinced you can afford it. $705 is less than $939, where do I sign?
Some people live on an economic razor's edge because they are underpaid and exploited by a system designed to extract labor out of them for as little return as absolutely necessary. And then there are these people, who are determined to put themselves into terrible economic traps through impulsivity and blissful ignorance. Guess which group I don't have an ounce of sympathy for?
You can either watch ESPN's usual wankfest over these two over-exposed, overrated idiots, who have inexplicably been given an entire broadcast on ESPN 2 to toss scripted banter at each other for three hours while the game plays in a side panel...or a morbidly obese fascist convicted felon draft dodger wearing a Made in China baseball cap pretend he knows how to salute in between bringing the prestige of the United States to new lows...or you can watch FOX, CNN, etc. remind you of your Duty to Remember 9/11 by Doing Something (I think "remembering" is actually enough as long as it's done in a showy fashion involving kneeling, praying, weeping....) OR, getting back to ESPN, you can watch that 60-minute glurgefest revisionist "9 innings at Ground Zero" or whatever it was called which tries to convince us that there was a week in the fall of 2001 when we were all Yankees fans and I WASN'T on the edge of my seat pulling for The Great Mariano to blow it and I WASN'T thrilled out of my mind when he did (#theterroristswon.)
In any case, it's been a rough day. I won't be around for Anniversary #50 and I'm good with that. When the best option was watching two Mannings get licked up and down by "America's Premier Sports Network," you know the options were AWFUL.
Someone in the comment section said that they were "inspired" by this ad. They didn't elaborate, but I'm hoping that the ad inspired them to learn a new skill, like tying their own shoes.
Personally, nothing about this commercial makes me thirsty for a bottle of liquid candy and acid. And certainly nothing about it inspires me to attend a sporting event. Not if there's any chance of sitting next to some jackass who decides that he needs to react to Athletes Doing Things by screaming his damn fool empty head off.
I mean, let's be honest. The "I can do anything better than you" is coming from the computer and the Artificial Intelligence it comes pre-loaded with. The humans? They are just there to carry the brains of the outfit from place to place for some reason.
*The laptop can also handle the student debt better than any of you, but it doesn't have to. Hope your boss lets you hide behind the capabilities of AI until you get at least SOME of that paid off.
Meanwhile...man, this guy is getting old. Remember when he could play big, imposing guys? I know he's had health problems, but this is not the way I need to be reminded.
No, this isn't fun. This is...sad, actually. I mean, it's not "check out me and my buddies having fun gambling on our phones" sad. But still...sad.
Last Sunday I walked into my local T-Mobile to complete the switch away from a family plan and to my own 55+ plan for which I will be paying $55 per month. While there, I asked about a possible upgrade for my old Samsung Galaxy +9, which has a broken charging port and which can no longer accept newer apps (and the old ones- like Capital One, and MLB, are dropping off my phone like flies when THEY need to update.)
I was "offered" two choices- either $250 toward a trade-in for a $1300 Galaxy 25, or a "free" Galaxy 25 when I signed a three-year contract at $90 per month. Doing some quick math, that means that the "offer" was to make 36 Easy Payments of $35 each- a total of $1230. I politely (as possible) declined and walked out with my new plan and my old phone. Currently looking for a refurbished Galaxy 25, which should be available for between $400-$600. In the meantime, the wireless charger is working fine.
Yes, this announcement is ALMOST nothing. Except, not quite, because smoke and mirrors and lying by omission isn't exactly Nothing.
So...I will have to read between the lines. Because the audio is terrible, and the acting is worse.
It seems to me that this guy was enjoying a weekend away with his developmentally disabled daughters when an insane coworker suddenly blasted up driving a stolen Hyundai. No wait- she didn't "steal" the car. She just got so thoroughly conned by the salesperson that she thinks she got something over on him and snagged a great deal. And then she had to run off and tell someone about it.
I mean, these two are not together. That would make zero sense. If they are a couple, why weren't they at the dealership together? Why is he off doing something with his kids without her, and why is she making a major purchase with no input from her partner? Why is she talking about buying a new car like she got a free upgrade on her iPhone?
Anyway, she feels like she has to whisper the amount she paid, which is so insanely small that it "feels wrong." What number does she whisper? The total amount? Doubtful. The "low" monthly payment that is "low" because it's spread out over 84 months? Much more likely.
This guy is so aroused at the idea of getting this deal that he abandons his daughters to the care of the insane woman and drives off to get his OWN Hyundai. Because buying a car these days is like taking advantage of a 2-for-$5 deal at Taco Bell. If you're one of these weird tv people.
Maybe this ad makes sense with better audio, but I really doubt it.
