Monday, September 21, 2026

Coffee should be called ArtificiallySweetCreamerMate

 


I don't know how much that first woman loves coffee.  Her refrigerator is filled with Coffee Mate and nothing but Coffee Mate, like she experienced a supply line trauma during COVID and will never, EVER let that happen again.  So she either has a separate fridge JUST for Coffee Mate or it is the only thing she consumes in her own home.  Judging from her girth, I have to assume it's the former.

I also don't know why the guy reading the ad is getting so fake-exasperated with his inability to read the script without being interrupted.  Dude, it's not funny.  We get the point of this ad ten seconds in, yet it goes on.  And on.  And on.  Has to be a Superbowl ad.  Only a Superbowl ad is this over-produced.

In the end, I don't see anyone actually enjoying coffee- not that first woman, not the abominable snowman/bigfoot hybrid at the end.  I see a lot of people obsessed with fatty sweat creamer.  Coffee seems to be the thing they use to add a little dash of caffeine to their glass or mug of fatty sweat creamer.  That's fine- I mean, it's your life- but this has nothing to do with "enjoying coffee" in my book. 

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