That's the actual tagline of the radio commercials- "It's Elvis week at Graceland!"
1. Isn't this like scheduling Red Sox Week at Fenway Park or Pope Week in Vatican City? Does McDonald's have a Hamburger Week? Does Hersheypark have a Chocolate Week? I mean, what the hell?
2. What are the other 51 weeks at Graceland about if they aren't about Elvis? Are other Rock 'n Roll Stars celebrated in those weeks? What exactly is going on here?
I mean, there's no indication that food is in any way involved in what I just saw.
This creepy adolescent member of this creepy family is literally playing with whatever he chose from America's Favorite Grease Trough. Oh wait a minute, he's not even playing with one of HIS selections- he took a piece of pig fat from dad's plate and is using it to perform some kind of....um...."magic" trick. I know it's supposed to be a magic trick because Awful Enabling Mom says it is.
Maybe that baby back rib is on the floor. It's probably on the floor. It's wasteful and stupid to treat calories like this, but the kid doesn't care and the parents don't care and probably the staff that reloads the Feed Bins don't care either because they stopped caring about anything a long time ago (it's a necessary defense mechanism for anyone who works at Golden Corral, America's Favorite WTF-Ever.)
1. I don't know what the guy in this ad does for a living, but he makes a very good salary because flight attendants don't make much and come on, look at that house. Are they just Friends with Benefits? Then why is he washing her clothes? Is that one of the benefits?
2. Let's pretend this is her house. She can afford a suburban palace, but she has only one work shirt? Aren't those provided by the airlines anyway? Stewards can have painfully long shifts; I would be surprised if they didn't carry spare shirts ON THE PLANE in case of emergencies. But she's panicking because she has to wear yesterday's shirt again?
3. If the shirt is still clean because it was washed in Downy, why didn't she have this reaction to its smell the FIRST time she wore it? Does it smell BETTER after an entire day's wearing than when it first comes out of the dryer? What the hell is going on here?
4. In an age where people are getting fired for making Tiktoks while being inappropriate while on the job, I'm not sure what she does next lands very well. Girl, what the hell are you doing? When you wear that shirt, you represent the people who sign your paychecks. Can you try to remember this before you act like you're making an OnlyFans at your place of employment?
The commenters on this ad get it right, especially the one that suggests the guy should NOT drink that coffee before checking it for arsenic. I'd go one better and have a mechanic come over to check the breaks on his car, too, because this woman is a Black Widow in the making.
Her "horrible dream" doesn't involve being left without a husband and her child being left without a dad. It's them being left without enough money to maintain the lifestyle he provides. It was a "nightmare" because dad's unbelievable selfishness in getting himself killed in a car accident before signing up for life insurance left her actually having to go back into the work force to pay for all the stuff he currently pays for. Did she wake up upset about losing her husband? No, she woke up upset about the sudden upending of her financial situation.
Fortunately, Dad is pretty clueless and not really listening- or has become numb or really good at filtering what his scheming, gold-digging, Machiavellian wife says to him, and quickly buys into the idea that he should buy a lot of life insurance.* Why a relatively young, apparently healthy man would buy from a company that offers insurance without any medical examination I can't explain; it's pretty much the same as a person with an 800 credit score, money in the bank and credit cards getting his tv and furniture from Rent-A-Center, but whatever. Dad now knows that his wife will sleep peacefully at night, knowing that if he's in a terrible accident- the brakes fail, or he falls down a well with no witnesses around, or he mistakes mysteriously tasteless rat poison for creamer, there are so many ways a person can Accidentally Die which do not violate the conditions of a life insurance policy, after all- his wife and kid can continue to live in that big house and drive the Lexus SUV he got them for Christmas last year and not worry about bills. If they need physical labor done around the house, Ralph the neighbor across the way whose wife died in a tragic taco-eating accident last year is always available to help out, he's so friendly and nice and come to think of it, he works for Ethos Life man it's a small world.
If you find yourself driving away from a dealership in a new car worried that you've somehow pulled a fast one on that dealership that will get you in trouble with the law, I have some news for you:
1. The salesman played you like a fiddle and you haven't read the fine print.
2. You are an absolute moron who probably thinks that scratch off tickets and online gambling are good, affordable fun.
3. (closely associated with #1,) you have no idea how much you paid compared to how much that Rapidly Depreciating non-Asset is actually worth.
4. The most charitable thing I can say about you is that you are an actor in a Hyundai Commercial and you are being paid to pretend to be ridiculously enthusiastic about your purchase of a freaking Hyundai.
And if you AREN'T an actor in a Hyundai Commercial, well....I really don't know what else to tell you except, no, you have not Beaten the House at the dealership. Knowing nothing about the "deal" you made, I know with absolute certainty that you paid too much, not too little, and the dealership is not wondering how on Earth you got the better of them because that did not happen and has never happened in the history of Anything. You don't have to hide out anywhere. Nobody is coming after you. That won't happen until you fail to make payments at some point in the next 72 months of the contract and the repo man is hunting for that Hyundai at the behest of the dealership or the bank. THEN you'll be needing the use of your mom's garage to hide it. Moron.
"Hi, I'm Alex Trebek, and I wasn't satisfied with being a world-famous multi-millionaire cultural icon as a Senior Citizen. I decided to adopt the philosophy 'there's no such thing as enough money' and decided to sign on with Colonial Penn to scam Senior Citizens afraid of burdening their loved ones with burial costs into parting with some of their fixed income and buy nonsense garbage 'life insurance.'"
Now that Trebek is dead, his grift has been taken over by other aging celebrities who are trusted faces to the television-addicted, mostly lower-middle-class Over-65 crowd. These cretins show up hundreds of times a day in cheap commercials mainly broadcast during the daylight hours when only Seniors and small children are watching to stoke the fires of anxiety among the elderly who for some reason are concerned about what happens when they die and the kids who never visit get stuck with a bill. Maybe they are afraid that their ridiculously expensive, selfish burial requests won't be honored and the kids will cremate them or the very most pay for a less-pompous Memorial to their Mediocre Lives than the elderly person asked for, as if it matters one tinker's damn what the stone above the corpse box looks like.
So the elderly person who regularly complains that their Social Security payments are too low decides to splurge on $9.95 a month to buy Colonial Penn Life Insurance. This will teach the kids to stop complaining about the weekly scratch-off purchase, as it's an even worse investment than the lottery. $9.95 buys one "Unit" of insurance, which if purchased at the age of 50 (and NOBODY buys Colonial Penn life insurance at the age of fifty, come on) will pay off a whopping $1600 when the idiot passes away. Just about covering the cost of the cold cuts, soft drinks and coffee served at the Wake.
Maybe. That's assuming that Colonial Penn even pays out before the funeral and burial. Chances are excellent that you'll still be filling out forms and calling automated voice menus long after grandma has been placed under her Very Disappointing Dead Person Buried Here Sign Made out of Stone. If the beneficiaries followed instructions, that tiny amount of money will HELP pay the bills still coming in for the Opposite of Birthday Party. If the beneficiaries had more common sense than consideration for the wishes of a person who is no longer here to complain and literally has no way of knowing or caring what became of their (hopefully mostly harvested) organs, the check from Colonial Penn makes a significant dent in the debt accrued by the passing of the insured.
In the long run, the much better option is to just stick $10 a month into a regular interest-bearing account every month and skip the Colonial Penn Middlemen. If you do this at the age of 60 and live to the age of 81 like the average American Woman (and these commercials heavily target women,) you'll have over $2500 to leave to the person you designate to handle your funeral (you know, the child you like the least.) If you opt for cremation like a sensible person, and I'll really take your "I don't want to be a burden" claims seriously.
1. There are only two possible reasons why Webull would be the Official Financial Advisors (or something, I'm not watching this again) of the Tampa Bay Rays. First, Webull could be too small to attract sponsorship from a good ballclub. Second, all of the other teams already get financial advice from companies people outside the Tampa area have actually heard of.
2. There's an ad running during Rays games showing every big moment celebrated by the team in it's 27-year existence. It's about 20 seconds long.
