Downy "Rinse it out" ad: What I do for clicks...

 

I went through this - well, I can only describe it as an "Ordeal"- three times in an attempt to understand the point of it all, and I just get more confused with each viewing:

At first, I thought that this woman is just doing what so many women in fabric softener/detergent/air freshener commercials do: Celebrating the absolute joy that comes with using a product that results in soft clothes and (especially) a fresh scent.  I think it's been a theme of detergent ads since the 1950s that it's possible to fall madly in love with clean, soft clothes to the point where it's the highlight of any suburban prince or princess's day to jam one's nose into the laundry.

This theory seemed to be confirmed by Dad's "your mother really loves Downy" remark to Son.  Both members of the house are taking this in stride; while they are watching tv or whatever mom is dancing about the house singing her own version of Total Eclipse of the Heart and having her own idea of a wild time.  Whatever floats her boat and at least she's not complaining about doing laundry.

But then she throws dad's shorts into his face and tells him "honey, please do your own laundry..." um, say what?  If that's their kid, these people have been together for quite some time.  What is this guy doing with his shorts that convinced her to suddenly announce that she's no longer going to be doing the laundry we have to presume she's been doing for a decade or more?  What else is she not going to be doing?  Also, the indications were that she enjoyed doing laundry.  What happened?  Do I even want to know?

And how is Dad going to react to this?  Certainly by this stage in the relationship, the family has settled into a routine and everyone knows what chores they are responsible for.  Now mom has changed that up- again, WHY exactly?  And what does "rinse it out" even mean?  Is this an alternative to actually washing Dad's shorts?  If so, where is he supposed to "rinse them out?"  

Excuse me for saying so, but Dad should just toss the shorts back to his wife and reply "um, no.  There's no 'my shorts,' 'your shorts' and 'the kids' shorts.'  There's just OUR SHORTS- and OUR CLOTHES.  When any item of clothing is in the hamper, just put it along with the rest of the clothes in the washing machine, please.  And when it comes out of the dryer, feel free to do a little dance if that's what flips your skirt- but please don't throw clothes into my face and make demands in front of our kid again.  I told our son that you love Downy, not that you're a lunatic I stay with because this is California and I don't want to lose half my income in a divorce settlement.  You could at least reciprocate by not emasculating me in front of him."

Kalshi: Let's not miss the forest for the trees....

 

Fact is, the "controversy" over an entirely AI-produced ad is of zero interest to me.  I couldn't care less if the people peddling this awful gambling app loophole are actual sad examples of American Idiots or AI-generated ones.

The point is still the same:  Kalshi is just gambling wearing regulation-proof clothing.  "Futures Markets" have a certain level of legitimacy because they've been around forever (although, as I posted the last time I looked at Kalshi, the bucket shops they originated in were banned in New York more than a hundred years ago.)  But whatever you call it, this is just making everything you can imagine an opportunity to lose your money to a life-destroying addiction.  That's what we should be talking about here.  Not AI.  Don't give a damn about the AI.

Don't give a damn about Disney's role in this, either.  The Mouse wrecked Star Wars, no real surprise it's in the process of helping to wreck the rest of society now.  

This Carshield "Autopsy" Commerccial

 

"Whatever's under this sheet, we can be sure of one thing:  It's not a part covered by Car Shield, so no matter how much the owner paid, this is not a covered repair."

"Ok, let's take a look at it anyway.  We have to wrap this up so we can get our paychecks before Car Shield has to deal with another Class Action Lawsuit."

(quick peek)

"Oh my god!  It's our CAREERS!"

"Um, you didn't know they were dead already?  What the hell do you think we're doing in commercials for a scam car warranty company?  You think Ernie Hudson and Danika Patrick are A-listers too?"

"I don't know.  Are we done now?  I have to return a call from my agent, something about an audition with the Medicare Coverage Helpline." 

This Ancient KIA Sales Event Ad just seems too perfect for an April Fool's Day Post

 

First, there's the quaint notion of a $149-per-month lease deal.  Remember when those were a thing?  The only time in my life I ever leased a car, from 2006 to 2009, I paid $350 a month.  And that was for a 2-door Civic Coupe.  Sure, there was virtually nothing to pay on it when I took ownership at the end of the lease, but still. 

Second, there's the idea that all of these people are instantly smitten with the idea of leasing a freaking KIA for multiple years.  I'll admit that the only way I'd ever drive a KIA is through a lease deal, because these things are nothing but headaches and they depreciate in value faster than- well, faster than an ice cream cone melts in the sun. 

Third, this ad works a lot better if it ends with all of these zombies just following that truck off a damn cliff.  I can't think of any more accurate way to describe the feeling of actually being stuck making payments on a (still, at $149 a month and $2 k down) overpriced piece of junk like a KIA Soul.  Better than spending three years regularly being reminded that you are going to pay $7400 to drive around in a pile of crap you will just give back in 36 months because even you aren't dumb enough to hand over another $10k for a car with a Kelly Blue Book Value of maybe half that at the end of the term.  Unless you really are an April (and every other month of the year) Fool.

This Seriously Strange, and Sad, Camzyos Ad

 

Is it just me, or is there actual NEGATIVE chemistry between this woman, the adult male and the child in this ad?  No matter how many times I've seen this commercial all the way through, all I see is a strange woman who decided to show up at a baseball game and latch herself to a noticeably single man and his son for the duration of the day.

I'm serious.  This woman does NOT interact with the kid like she knows anything about him, but is trying very hard to cosplay (or audition for the role of) being his Mom.  If possible, there is even less warmth between her and the guy.  It looks for all the world like the guy and his son are just being polite to this sad woman who showed up at a ball game all by herself and decided to start hanging out with them- near the concessions, in the stands....maybe all the way out to the parking lot after the game...until finally dad- who had his finger on the Emergency Button of his phone for the walk from the bleachers to the car- was able to get his son buckled and himself in the car with the door locked before giving Crazy Woman a quick "well nice meeting you bye" and leaving the lot at the Fastest Speed Allowed by Decency and Safety Standards.  

On the way home, Dad and Son have an awkward laugh about the experience and discuss whether Mom should be told about it when Dad drops Son off at Mom's house before 6 PM tonight, as stipulated by the court.  And they agree that if Crazy Woman Shows up at the next game, Dad politely announces that he and the child will be Sitting Over There Now No Do Not Follow Us. 

What's this drug being peddled, btw?  

Colon Guard: I've said it once, I'll say it again...

 

I get it.  I've been through two colonoscopies.  They are not pleasant experiences.  I mean, the actual process is barely an experience at all.  The prep is what is pretty much the opposite of pleasant.  

Still, it's covered by health insurance and it's hard to exaggerate how important it is.  That being said, I am plenty sick of these commercials featuring obviously well-off people with plenty of time on their hands being so damn comfortable cutting corners on a test that could literally add years to your life if it results in early detection.  

You just know the target audience for Colon Guard are the same people who will think nothing of binge-watching Netflix or binge-scrolling Tiktok or dropping hundreds of dollars on a concert or trip to a local amusement park for the family.....but when it comes to doing a freaking cancer screening, NOW you're concerned about the cost in time and money?  Please.

I bet you can get a deep discount on slightly-damaged parachutes, too.  What the hell is going on here? When it's time for a colonoscopy GET IT DONE IN A SPECIALIST'S OFFICE YOU RIDICULOUS KNOBS.  What's next, do-it-yourself dentistry?  Wait...what?  That's an actual thing too?

All Off-the-shelf mediation companies need to read this post

 

My nose is running and my throat is getting sore

and I'm sure not sleeping like the way I did before

I think it's aaaaaaaaaaaaallergies

I hate these aaaaaaaaaaaalergies

these commercials make it look like magic's in the air

instead of pollen, grass and don't forget all that nasty old pet hair

I hate my aaaaaaaaaaaaaaalergies

G-d- these aaaaaaaaaaaaaalergies

Well it's not magic, you can't just pop one and then go about your day 

the symptoms will continue till you think you'll go insane

because they're aaaaaaaaaalergies

we all hate aaaaaaaaaaaaaalergies

Ok, that's enough of that.

It's bad enough that all of these ads- for Claritin, Allegra, Benadryl, Nyquil, Dayquil, etc. all pitch the idea that you are one dose away from being completely free of symptoms and ready to tackle the world- or play with a puppy, though for the life of me I can't understand why anyone would want to do either.  Here in the real world, medication is sold in multi-dose packages because it takes days of treatment to feel any relief at all.  And if you're going to roll around on the grass and stick your nose into a damn puppy's fur, there's probably not enough dosage out there to really save you from yourself anyway.  At least when I got my severe attack last weekend it was because it was 80 degrees and sunny and I took a walk.  I didn't lick any trees or shove grass clippings up my nose, daring an immune response.  Christ what is it with these people?  We don't see people on insulin celebrating having their blood sugar under control by consuming entire sheet cakes.  Why do we see allergy sufferers rolling around in pollen snorting puppies?  Stupid.  At least as stupid as my "song."