Solymall: The Scam Site of the Moment

 https://solymall.com/

I couldn't find a commercial for this site, probably because it doesn't buy ads anywhere; not even on YouTube.  This online "mall" has been in existence for all of a month and "sells" everything from wellness products to those robot puppies which don't look a thing like the AI-generated images used to pitch them.

All indications are that Solymall is just another drop-shipping site which sells overpriced trash produced in a sketchy factory in Urban Southeast Asia to an unsuspecting- no, let's stop being charitable- gullible American public which thinks that ten dollars here equals a hundred dollars over there which explains how "hand-crafted" robot animals, "crystal" coffee mugs, infrared light muscle massagers, etc. can be put on the market for a fraction of what you'd pay in a store if they ever even tried to sell this crap in a store.  Through the magic of AI imagery and a public dumb enough to elect Donald Trump TWICE, barrel-scrapers like Solymall can dump the cheapest plastic garbage into the Bloated, Stupid West because Americans can not be convinced that Asians aren't desperate to slave away to produce high-quality stuff for us because they need whatever we can spare.  And because Americans are really, really dumb. 

You aren't going to be getting a lifelike robot bunny or a crystal coffee mug that looks like stacked books or anything else for 70% off through Solymall.  You are going to get cheap crap that isn't even worth the pittance you sent.  And when you complain, you'll find that Solymall is unresponsive or- just as likely- nonexistent, having changed it's name but not it's mission.  You don't think Solymall is the original name of this site, do you?

Budweiser, Barbecue, and a Brain-Dead Ad during Sunday Night Baseball

 

1.  Did I really see this clown slap away a guy's hand using a spatula?  Guys don't do things like that.  Nobody should do anything like that.  And this is just the first instance of "who the hell does this guy think he is?" in this ad.

2.  Why can't this guy take a burger when he wants to take a burger?  Why are we on the cook's  schedule? Guys don't do things like this.  Nobody should do things like this. 

3.  Why is the chef staring at his beer like he's never seen one before? 

What if the guest wants his hamburger medium rare, or just pink, or cooked the way HE WANTS IT COOKED AND NOT HOW THE CHEF WANTS IT COOKED?  Who the hell is going to eat that hamburger?  Next time, just take the freaking hamburger and don't ask and if the chef slaps your hand away with a spatula ask him what his freaking deal is and why he's acting like he started drinking beer long before you or any of the other guests arrived.

Arctic Air Nonsense Non-AC is still an Only Available Through This Offer thing for some reason

"Why pay $839 for an air conditioner when you can pay $879 for this scam plus an air conditioner you put in once you realize that this thing is a scam?"

Seriously, how dumb do you have to be to think that this thing is going to do even one-tenth of what the ad says it will do?  Last time I checked, a little fan + water doesn't equal cool air, it equals humidity.  And you can make it light up in different colors?  So what?  Since when is the lack of neon anyone's problem with an air conditioner?

And how stupid do you have to believe that this stupid crapbox is going to accomplish anything plugged in outside on a hot day other than spiking your electric bill? And why does that little girl act as if she's never breathed before and is enjoying the experience for the first time ever now that her mom has spent forty bucks on a box fan you add water to?  What the hell is going on here, anyway?

Oh right- what's going on here is an unintentionally funny Not Sold in Stores ad for a product only people who don't know how physics works would spend money on.  People who think that $40 plus shipping for one piece of worthless trash is a bit pricey but two for $40 Just pay Shipping and Handling is a Steal.  Those kind of people.  You know, morons.

The iPhone 16 can remain a stranger, just like it's ancestors

 

Am I the only person thoroughly disgusted by the use of language like "meet the new iPhone" and "say hello to the new iPhone" as if this piece of glass, metal and electronics is a sentient being that is going to be a true and trusted friend, every bit a part of my life as parents, siblings and other human forms that used to be part of people's lives until they were replaced by glowing boxes?

Does it not help at all that we see a person staring at their screen while in the driver's seat of a car?  Is it even less helpful to note that there are literally thousands of Tiktokers who regularly post while actually driving their cars?  

I don't want to "meet" the 16th version of your new phone, Apple.  I've never owned an iPhone and don't intend to ever own one.  Yes, I do have a Smartphone but it's something I purchased.  I didn't "meet" it and I sure as hell never said "hello" to it because it's a freaking tool- kind of like the person who came up with this stupid, overproduced pile of garbage you call a commercial.

SW Airlines and it's customers are made for eachother

 

So I flew SW Airlines twice last week, and I've got some things to say.  First, I'm going to slam the airlines, and then I'm going to take on the customers who deserve no better (I am the exception.)

1. I signed in online literally thirty seconds after getting the 24-hour notice to do so- and was assigned to the B group with the number of 15.  Which means that somehow, seventy-five people managed to get in before me.  This is simply not possible.  And it's not that a bunch of people paid extra to get bumped up in line- there simply was no time for that.  Plus, I actually RESERVED AND PAID FOR the seat back in FEBRUARY.  So what the hell, SW?  Is this just random or what?

(The steward joked that "C means center"- more about this in a moment- but in my experience, B means the same thing.)

2. It should not take half an hour for bags to move from plane to carousel.  I know they fly free (more about THIS in a moment) but that doesn't mean that they should stay on the plane gathering dust while we customers wait....and wait...and wait...at the carousel.  

Ok, now about the customers, who are just the most awful human beings ever and should be sentenced to wait at a SW Airlines carousel forever and always:

1. While on line, we were told- repeatedly- that if we were in group B with a number higher than ten or so there would be no more room for bags so we needed to CHECK OUR BAGS AT THE GATE.  Seriously, I think the announcement was made five times and pointedly- like, "we aren't kidding, you aren't going to be able to put your bags in the overhead."  So what happens when we are getting settled? At least a dozen people from my section and group C drag their big suitcases onto the plane and need to have them collected and removed and tagged, delaying our departure.  What the actual hell, people?  BAGS FLY FREE.  Just CHECK YOUR FREAKING BAG IT WILL BE OK MORE THAN THREE FEET AWAY FROM YOU FOR A FEW HOURS.  

2. Nobody wants to sit in a middle seat.  Many, many passengers will simply have to sit in a middle seat.  Wandering around the plane is not going to create a window seat and you sure as hell aren't going to find an aisle seat.  Nobody is going to volunteer that seat you want.  Sit.  The hell. Down. In. A Middle. Seat.  It will be Ok.  It's only a few hours. 

If SW Air Customers don't want to be treated like cattle, well, maybe stop acting like a bunch of dumb cows.  Personally, I took a middle seat right up front between two very decent people who I will never see again and really can't remember now, less than 24 hours later.  I got off the plane quickly because I was in the front.  Yes, I had to wait for my bag at that carousel but so did you if you were in group B or C and I checked my bag beforehand and didn't make a royal pain of myself being obstinate and obsessive about it.  What gets into these people?

The Most Depressing thing about the Kansas City Convention Center...

 

...is that it's the only place to walk around during breaks if you are working at the Kansas City Convention Center.  Of the cities I've visited to grade APUSH essays since 2008- Louisville, Tampa, and now Kansas City- the walking in this city is by far the worst.  At least, it's the worst from the Convention Center, where I will be from 8 to 5 every day for six days next week. 

Louisville has a nice waterfront and a minor league ballpark within a few minutes walk of its Convention Center.  Tampa has an awesome River Walk complete with palm trees.  Kansas City has-- Kansas City.  Yes, there is a nice walking path behind the World War I museum, which is next door to my hotel, which is fine for early evening unless I want dinner, which means I have to plan to be back at the Center more than a mile away.  But during lunch breaks?  Forget it.  The maze of wide hallways within the building is the best I can do unless I want to walk through an ugly gray urban landscape, stopping for walk lights every minute or so.  

Kansas City is where I appreciate the hotel gym the most, and that gets four stars out of four from me at least.  But I do miss taking the air as they used to say and which was one of the real advantages of Louisville and Tampa.  Anyway, I'll be back the second week of June, please enjoy the archives while I'm away.  And click an ad if you are feeling generous; if I'm going to watch commercials, they might as well provide me a little revenue, right?

The Crumbl Cookie Cult is Really Weird

 

Crumbl "Cookies" aren't even "cookies"- they are cakes.  The company called Crumbl Cookies releases a new flavor of cake every single week and ships them out to their cult members....errr, customers, who are so super-dedicated to these thick, heavy piles of sugar that they rush to Reddit and YouTube, etc. to gush all over them whenever a new vid pops up.

These cakes have been compared to "fast fashion"- because the variety is so huge, and because the release dates are always on the way, the fan base locks in to the routine of weekly cookie delivery like wealthy people look forward to the latest clothing showing up.  When I look at the nutrition label, I think of them more like the dependable delivery of drugs right to your door, because oh my god are these things terrible for your body.  Crumbl "cookies" can have up to 900 calories each and are stuffed full of cholesterol and sugar.  They are something you might want to eat on your birthday or as desert on Thanksgiving.  Weekly deliveries?  Ick. 

And if you don't care about your health, well, what about your wallet?  These things run, on average, five dollars each.  Five dollars.  For a COOKIE.  Oh, but you can have them delivered to your door in packs of six for $22.99.  And if you are getting weekly deliveries of six cookies, please tell me that at least a dozen people are going to be helping you consume those cookies. 

The first thing I thought when I saw these cookies was "ok, just another version of Cinnabon."  The average Cinnabon cake has about the same number of calories as one of these Crumbl products.  But it's not a great idea to eat Cinnabon on a regular basis, either.  Yet apparently millions of people adore these cookies, order these cookies, consume these cookies, and FOLLOW these cookies on multiple social media platforms* like they are Taylor Swift or something.  What is the matter with you people?

*check out the comments on this YouTube ad.  Yes, I meant to use the word "cult."  Again- what is the  matter with you people?  It's a freaking overpriced, unhealthy mountain of fat and sugar.  Not the second coming of The Beatles.