Sunday, December 27, 2009

Just when you thought cell phone owners couldn't be more obnoxious

We're in the breakroom, and one employee who really ought to get his ass back to work announces to his coworkers "you really got to check out this new Avatar trailer!"

He then proceeds to project the trailer from his phone on to the break room wall. So now everyone in the break room can share this guy's pathetic, juvenile obsessions with A) his phone, B) Avatar, or C) All of the Above.

Whether they like it or not.

"There's no such thing as a Projector Phone" one of the retarded coworkers tells the guy who has just demonstrated the use of his projector phone. I have no response to this, except to say that the ensuing dialogue, which can be boiled down to "yes there is, no there isn't, yes there is" is worthy of any twenty-seconds-yet-still-way-too-long McDonald's ad in terms of intelligence level.

The absolute horror represented by this new phone is, I'll admit, well demonstrated by the commercial. Remember a few years ago, when if someone asked you "did you see that cool new trailer?" you could say "no" and that would be the end of it? Remember last year, when if someone asked you "did you see that cool new Wii commercial?" you could say "no," and if the idiot then offered to bring it up for you on his phone, you could say "pass," leaving other idiots to gather around and watch the commercial on his little glowing screen? Well, those days are gone- now if you say "no thank you" to anything anyone wants to show you on his phone, you'll have to see it anyway, because seconds later it will be projected onto the nearest wall, complete with LOUD music and dialogue.

Get ready to be forced to watch and listen to commercials, music videos, trailers, and entire television shows and movies projected on to the walls of buses, train cars, hallways-- hell, it's only a matter of time before you find yourself sitting in a theatre trying to watch a movie, and seeing another one being projected on the floor of the center aisle by some bored and brain-dead asshole who long ago decided to follow the lead of the tv commercials and simply stop being at all concerned about the needs and desires of the other carbon-based life forms on the planet.

The makers of the LG Projector Phone have had quite enough of us "I don't need a constant barrage of 'information' and entertainment, and instant gratification isn't all it's cracked up to be" non-conformists. We will be assimilated. We don't care to view the latest trailer? Tough shit- there it is, shining on the wall five feet away. Try to look away- you are only going to encounter a competing commercial, being projected by someone else.

"You've got to check out this new Avatar trailer." Yes, I do. Because saying "no" is simply not an option any more. And to think that, just a few years ago, I thought that those horrible chirping Nextel Direct phones were the pinnacle of asshattery.


  1. I'm just waiting for the day when all the cell phone junkies get brain cancer. WE will then take over the world...

  2. What kills me, of course, is the use of such a cool technology for an end that moronic. Instead of LG telling us it could be used it to project graphs or other useful data, we're told to act like idiot children with a toy we gotta show off.

  3. Excellent point- we don't see a teacher projecting an educational video on the spur of the moment. Instead, we see that the projector phone can be used to put up trailers in the break room. I'm sure we'll see a commercial in the near future showing music videos and cartoons being displayed for the "benefit" of all those around. We'll never be shown the phones being legitimately useful. Because the makers know who their audience is.

  4. Ah, crap! Now not only will we be forced to listen to rap music blaring from someone's cell phone, we will be forced to watch the awful rap video that goes with it. Is there no end to our suffering?

  5. Oh don't worry Sarah, I'm sure that before anyone projects their favorite "music" videos on to the library wall you are studying at, they'll think "oh wait, is this something that everyone wants to see or hear, or just me? Shouldn't I wait until I am alone before viewing this?"

    Haha, only kidding! Of course you'll be subjected to every downloadable piece of crud that every dimwitted, self-centered jerkwad cares to look at, because after all, it's All About Me, All The Time.

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