Sunday, December 6, 2009

So you can cuss out your Agent from pretty much Anywhere, huh?

1. Owen Wilson's brother is standing on a gigantic map of the United States, looking bored out of his mind (hey, we feel your pain, man) as he tosses postcards all over the map to "illustrate all the places covered by AT&T."

Here's the problem (well, I mean, here's the MAIN problem- there are plenty of problems in this commercial, including the stupid, "why the hell do I have an agent if crap gigs like this are all he can get me?" look which is apparently part of Wilson's "charm") with this stupid ad: Check out the addresses Owen Wilson's Brother is bleating: "New York, New York...Atlanta, Georgia....Madison, Wisconsin....Phoenix, Arizona.....Miami, Florida.....Seattle, Washington....Philadelphia, Pennsylvania....Tulsa, Oklahoma....."

Jesus, am I REALLY supposed to be impressed by the fact that AT&T offers service to the country's major population centers? Is there something about this awesome coverage that makes AT&T unique in any way? My bet is that Verizon offers coverage to Lincoln, Nebraska AND Indianapolis, Indiana, JUST LIKE AT&T DOES. So what's with this bragging?

Oh, but Verizon doesn't have Owen Wilson's brother chucking post cards around a huge map. I guess that has to count for something.

2. Owen Wilson's brother is yakking about how, with AT&T, you can surf the web while you continue to talk (this is called "multitasking," apparently. I prefer the term "retreating farther into your electronic womb.") "You can do this with Verizon, but you need two phones." Owen Wilson's brother then proceeds to hand a phone to a hapless choad who is trying to explain something to some idiot but somehow can't get that done unless he's online too.

A decade or so ago, a cell phone was a luxury that was kind of a nice convenience, but hardly anything you "needed." Now we've got commercials with people who seem incapable of crossing the street unless they can download a fucking map first. Until a few years ago, you couldn't access the internet on your phone. Now that you can, you MUST be able to do it ALL THE TIME, even when you are having a conversation with someone. I guess that's just "Progress."

(By the way, yes, I know the actor in these commercials is Luke Wilson. But let's be real. He's Owen Wilson's brother. Period. )


  1. Luke Wilson's agent called to say that clearly you are confused, and Owen Wilson should be referred to as "Luke Wilson's brother." The agent also said that "AT & T commercials are a great gig!"

    In related news, Owen Wilson called to say "HA-ha!" ;)

  2. Hey, I know you "don't need any help doing (your) job", but you have got to check this Target commercial out:

    It's wrong on SO many levels: recession talk in a giant house; parents snarking at one another--in front of the kids--on Christmas morning; mom buying gifts for herself and wrapping them (?). LOTS of weird. It's screaming for snark--and a good divorce attorney.

  3. And being Owen Wilson's brother is all he'll ever be; the world is loaded with hangers-on whose only real purpose is to cash in on the fame of someone else. This makes him a white Jermaine Jackson.

  4. Well past the post's sell date, but...

    It would be hilarious if instead of listing all the major metro areas where AT&T is available, Owen Wilson's brother actually just came straight out and said it:

    "Sure, if you live in East ButtFuck, South Dakota, Verizon may be the carrier for you. But if you live any place that actually matters, we're fine, and we offer you more features!"

    I think sometimes I'd prefer brazen offensiveness to being treated like an idiot.