Thursday, July 8, 2010

Remember when it used to mean a book and a hot bath?

Who writes this crap? Let's take a look at the four people in this commercial that we are supposed to identify with. They all have two things in common- they are all insufferable idiots, and they all have magically fresh McDonald's "Frappes" (give me a break, they are coffee-flavored milkshakes) overflowing with whipped cream in their hands:

Jackass No. 1 works in customer "service." We know this because he's sitting in a cubicle wearing a headset. "My Me Time is when I'm dealing with a problem I had nothing to do with" he sighs as he continues to pretend that the caller is Very Important To Him as he drifts into a Me Time coma. He clearly is paying no attention to the caller's complaint, and it's equally clear that the caller will get zero satisfaction from this douche. I only hope that the call really is Being Monitored, so this asshole finds himself and his precious milkshake out on the street soon. Plenty of Me time available then, jerkoff.

Next, we come to a lovely couple inexplicably trying to crowd themselves on to an inflatable mattress while they balance their milkshakes. Groan. Her "Me time" is "when my inlaws are in town" the female tells us. Haha, nothing fresher than a "I hate my inlaws" joke, is there? But, for Christ's sake, accepting the idea that the inlaws have taken the master bedroom and the hosts must make do on an inflatable mattress in the den, WHY do they have to sit on it NOW, while balancing their milkshakes? Wouldn't it be more comfortable just to stand or sit in a chair? Is taking a milkshake to bed just part of their daily routine? Is there a McDonalds across the street in this poorly-zoned suburb? Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!

Finally, we have an angry-looking consumer of air travel standing by the baggage carousel, informing us that his "Me Time" is when his bags go to Bermuda- but he doesn't. This should be the most realistic of the segments, because yes, there are a lot of McDonalds Restaurants in airports, so that unlike the other characters we aren't left wondering where the hell he bought his milkshake or how he managed to convey it to his current location in straight-from-the-machine condition. But still, I wonder what this guy is still doing at the airport, still standing next to the baggage carousel, when he KNOWS his bag was sent to the wrong place-- does he plan to stand there gaining weight with every sip with a stupid grin on his face until the bag is returned?

Who writes this crap? People who don't mind poaching other ad campaigns for ideas, obviously. Some years back, Haagen-Daz gave us a series of ads in which people were encouraged to "have some more" in response to personal disasters, a terrific "fatty food makes everything better" message well-suited to the current McDonalds campaign. But I suppose that the idea that we should fill our down time by consuming calorie-dense crap has been around for at least as long as mass-produced ice cream and the golden arches. Watching alleged grown-ups consider drinking milkshakes as a form of "Me Time" is still pretty pathetic, though.

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