Saturday, July 17, 2010

Ribs are splitting over at YouTube

1. Take two bored and boring young men with the combined brain wattage of a firefly in late summer who are so vapid that all they can think of when they see a hamster in a cage is "can you milk a hamster?"

2. The deadly mixture of boredom and vast stupidity leads one of these idiots to reply "let's KGB it." Sure, let's. Because this is something we have to know right now, not in the approximately 8 seconds it would take to Google it for FREE.

3. Neither of these guys can figure out why their cell phone bill is so damned high every month, and why they never seem to have any money. I'm sure it's got nothing to with the impulse to "KGB it" every time a pathetic, childish non-thought pops into an otherwise empty skull.

4. At the KGB Command Center, we learn that when you "KGB it," you are really just passing your question on to people who really have no idea, but are willing to take your money and provide a "why the hell not" answer, which is exactly what you deserve if you use this "service."

5. Here's where it gets really ugly. A guy who could only be their boss, sitting in what could only be a break room, is putting milk into a cup of coffee and asking "what is this, soy milk?"

Do I really have to continue?

We are left with the unmistakable impression that these two worthless sacks of bile actually went ahead and milked that hamster.

Then brought the milk to work.

Then let their boss put it in his coffee.

And thought this was funny.

And this is supposed to make us want to use this product. Not throw a brick through the screen, not recoil in disgust, not take a solemn pledge to never, ever be so stupid or drunk that we find ourselves wasting a dollar to indulge that really, really idiotic notion that happened to occur to us while the trusty cell phone was within reach.

Coming next- "I wonder if frogs are flammable." Oh, the hilarity.


  1. Gross. They deserve to have PETA sicced on them.

  2. This sort of thing makes me wish that the successor of the other KGB would do something about the use of its predecessor's initials. That way, we could answer the question "Can slacker morons from the Midwest handle life in a gulag?"

  3. I just wonder how many of the glue-sniffers who are responsible for 99.9 percent of the comments over at YouTube will decide to try this themselves. God knows common sense and basic human decency aren't going to intrude on their "fun."

  4. Actually, that looks like a home kitchen, and I think that's Dear Old Dad. I have two questions, though: 1) how many times would you have to milk a hamster to get that much milk, and 2) how many time can you apply electricity to a hamster before it dies, especially given that a hamster's heart beats at about 1000 bpm to begin with?