Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Coast on paying your taxes, ask us to understand and celebrate with you? Pass!

Let me say this straight from the opening: I bet you that every single one of these people thinks that the government should get it's act together and do something about that growing national debt.  The government really, really needs to start living within it's means, that's all they gots to say.  Now on to their stories about how they think it's ok to personally add to that debt:

"Are you seeking tax forgiveness and a fresh start?" Translation:  "Did you avoid paying your fair share of the money required to keep society functioning and want a do-over courtesy of the people who diligently paid their bills year after year Just Because now that you've been caught?"

"For the fresh start you deserve."  Why do you "deserve" it?  Never figured that one out.  You didn't pay your taxes.  You got caught.  Our team of attorneys think- as, no doubt, you do- that you "deserve" a fresh start.  We aren't going to say why- because there really is no why.  If you had any level of introspection, you'd agree.  But the important thing here is to keep money in your pockets, so....

Michael R. tells us his story- see, he just finalized his divorce and faced a tax lien of $113,000 (I don't know what either of those things has to do with eachother, but whatever.)  Coast One was able to settle his debt for $2200, allowing him to "maintain his lifestyle."  He tells us this as he stands in the middle of a golf course.  We were really pulling for you, Michael.  Glad we could help. 

Caroyln B sits on the couch with her robot/puppet husband to tell us how her decision to retire a few years ago came back to bite her in the butt and she had to liquidate her retirement savings, resulting in a big tax penalty.  So, Carolyn- you retired before you hit 65 and suddenly realized that you couldn't live on nothing.  This isn't something you considered beforehand.  And instead of going back to work, you cashed in your 401(k) and took that deferred tax hit.  You didn't pay taxes on those investments because you agreed not to cash in, and then your broke that agreement, and then you were stunned the government wanted you to pay your tax liability.  Thanks to Coast One, you managed to screw over the United States twice.  And then you pulled the string on the back of your semi-conscious husband so he could bleat his line.  Well done, Carolyn B- you saved enough money to maybe pay your bills another year.  What's next year's scam?

Evan D. seems to think that because he managed to get away with tax evasion for 14 years, it's totally unfair that the IRS wants to come after him now, like there's some kind of statute of limitations on continuing tax fraud.  Coast One turned a $300,000 debt into $1500 which - get ready to have your heart warmed- "allowed me to keep my family business."  Seriously, WTF?  You were defrauding the people of the United States.  Who gives a fat rat's ass if it was a "family business?" 

Shelby D.  (no obvious relation to Evan D) explains that he fell behind because it "wasn't easy" being a self-employed truck driver.  Seriously, I don't give a damn if you're going through a divorce, retired, running a family business or driving a truck- if you can't spend an hour with H&R Block once a year to make sure you are paying your taxes, I have no sympathy for any of you scumbags.  Pay your freaking bills. 

That's it.  I'm done.  We finally got a snow day, btw.  Looks awesome!

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