Thursday, March 29, 2018

Samsung's Upgrade Every Year Because You Can BS

When you buy a Samsung Galaxy for yourself and a friend, you can upgrade every year!

Every year? Yes, Every year! But just in case you need to be reminded- every year- from now until your worthless life comes to an end, don't worry, the Samsung Phone Monkey at your nearest mall is totally willing to do that.  At least, until he goes insane and lazers your fool head off.

Meanwhile....upgrade every year! Which means three things:

1.  Samsung is telling you in advance that the brand-new, totally tripped-out new phone it just sold you is going to be ancient technology twelve months from now, and if you want to continue to show well for your friends, you're going to want to "upgrade."  And don't worry, Samsung is just going to keep making "upgraded" phones, forever and ever and ever.....

2.  Every year, that landfill is going to leak more toxins from more "ancient" (more than a year old) phones and their lithium batteries (because if you're going to upgrade your phone, why would you want to keep last year's perfectly good but now totally uncool and pointless battery?)  Don't worry, the next generation will deal with the cleanup.  They'll also deal with the culture of disposability we've passed on Just Because.

3.  Despite that culture of disposability, in which nothing is valuable and everything can and should be replaced every single year, SOMEONE will be producing better and better tech for us to consume like greedy starving jagoffs who just want more more more.  SOMEONE will keep producing new shiny things for us to grab at and cuddle with and "need."  As long as that's profitable, it will keep happening.  So yes, we can expect holograms and AI and spacecraft - you just won't be producing it. You'll be too busy playing with your shiny new phone.  And trying to remember that friend you gave the original second one to.

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