Friday, May 19, 2023

Applebee's redefines the word "appetizer," and we're worse off for it.


Wait- what?  What the hell is a "full-size appetizer"

Here's the definition of the word "appetizer" I found in a quick Google search:  "a small dish of food or a drink taken before a meal or the main course of a meal to stimulate the appetite."  So again I ask- what the hell is a "full-size appetizer?"

I'm afraid I know the answer- it's a meal to be consumed before the other meal you ordered arrives.  Because if there's anything America needs more than a plate of fried cheese to "stimulate the appetite" before the "real" dinner shows up, I am not aware of it. 

Remember Taco Bell's "fourth meal" campaign from a decade or so back?  Judging from America's waistline these days, it caught on in an informal manner, as more and more people no longer have set times to eat but instead simply consume whenever and wherever (and, increasingly, WHATEVER) the mood and opportunity strikes.  Applebee's is just offering a time-saver here- you don't have to plan that fourth meal, just have it at the same sitting as one of your usual three meals and call it a "full-size appetizer."  Since Americans are really good at eating large amounts of food quickly and not allowing the fullness signal to reach the brain until we're bloated with excess calories, this will work really well as long as it can be packaged as a money-saving deal as well as a time-saving one.  Personally, I think $25 sounds like a lot of money for a plate of fried cheese and a piece of steak, but I'm weird like that. 

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