It's Nostalgia Time: Remember the Blue Hippo Scam?

 

One of the very first commercials I covered in this blog-- way back in 2009-- was a radio ad for Blue Hippo, the amazing "service" that allowed people with bad or no credit to acquire laptop computers and printers with "easy, low" bimonthly payments (usually around $39.)  Thousands of people signed up get these laptops and ended up paying massive markups for computers* that were outdated way before they were paid for- and that's if they were ever paid for, or ever even received.**  Because as it turned out, the laptops were not sent out until a certain number of payments had been made (to build a "credit history") and many were never sent out at all.  Almost nobody*** got the "free printer" that was "thrown in" to the "deal" because that didn't come until EVERY payment was made and sometimes not even then.

In short, Blue Hippo was a giant scam advertised on YouTube, late-night TV, terrestrial and satellite radio, etc. which sucked money out of the people who could least afford it and whose credit was so bad they couldn't even rent a laptop at the local Aaron's or Rent-A-Center.  Yeah, that bad. 

Comments are unlocked for this video, yet there are no comments.  Which makes me think that Blue Hippo is a moment in time that everyone involved would like to forget.  I apologize if this post triggers anyone, but I think it's important to note that while Blue Hippo is dead and gone the offers of expensive items to people with lousy or no credit is very much alive and well.  

*That desktop monitor at 22 seconds in is hilariously huge. 

**In 2009 Blue Hippo, Inc. was charged by the FTC with collecting more than $15 million in payments without sending out a single computer.  The owner of Blue Hippo filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy, the Attorneys General of Maryland and West Virginia filed suits, and the company was ultimately ordered to pay restitution in the amount of $14 million to defrauded customers. 

*** It's entirely possible that not ONE SINGLE CUSTOMER ever got this printer.

Downy commercials make me ask: Have we all gone insane?

 

Or am I taking crazy pills?

I mean, there is simply no way that anyone finds this commercial even remotely funny....but just look at the comments.  Are these bots?  Are they being ironic?  Are these people just insane?  Am I insane for "not getting it?"

Why would the scent of Downy fabric softener make anyone develop a weird muscle twitch?  Why would this be a SELLING point for Downy?  Isn't there a prescription medication being advertised that deals with pretty much this exact issue?  Does whatever evil chemical company that sells Downy also produce that drug?*  Am I being a conspiracy theorist here?**

Why is everyone such an idiot now?  

*It's Proctor and Gamble. 

**Proctor and Gamble specializes in "health and beauty products," but as near as I can tell does not produce pharmaceuticals. Doesn't mean there's not a conspiracy here.  Which means, there's a conspiracy here. 

Solymall: The Scam Site of the Moment

 https://solymall.com/

I couldn't find a commercial for this site, probably because it doesn't buy ads anywhere; not even on YouTube.  This online "mall" has been in existence for all of a month and "sells" everything from wellness products to those robot puppies which don't look a thing like the AI-generated images used to pitch them.

All indications are that Solymall is just another drop-shipping site which sells overpriced trash produced in a sketchy factory in Urban Southeast Asia to an unsuspecting- no, let's stop being charitable- gullible American public which thinks that ten dollars here equals a hundred dollars over there which explains how "hand-crafted" robot animals, "crystal" coffee mugs, infrared light muscle massagers, etc. can be put on the market for a fraction of what you'd pay in a store if they ever even tried to sell this crap in a store.  Through the magic of AI imagery and a public dumb enough to elect Donald Trump TWICE, barrel-scrapers like Solymall can dump the cheapest plastic garbage into the Bloated, Stupid West because Americans can not be convinced that Asians aren't desperate to slave away to produce high-quality stuff for us because they need whatever we can spare.  And because Americans are really, really dumb. 

You aren't going to be getting a lifelike robot bunny or a crystal coffee mug that looks like stacked books or anything else for 70% off through Solymall.  You are going to get cheap crap that isn't even worth the pittance you sent.  And when you complain, you'll find that Solymall is unresponsive or- just as likely- nonexistent, having changed it's name but not it's mission.  You don't think Solymall is the original name of this site, do you?

Budweiser, Barbecue, and a Brain-Dead Ad during Sunday Night Baseball

 

1.  Did I really see this clown slap away a guy's hand using a spatula?  Guys don't do things like that.  Nobody should do anything like that.  And this is just the first instance of "who the hell does this guy think he is?" in this ad.

2.  Why can't this guy take a burger when he wants to take a burger?  Why are we on the cook's  schedule? Guys don't do things like this.  Nobody should do things like this. 

3.  Why is the chef staring at his beer like he's never seen one before? 

What if the guest wants his hamburger medium rare, or just pink, or cooked the way HE WANTS IT COOKED AND NOT HOW THE CHEF WANTS IT COOKED?  Who the hell is going to eat that hamburger?  Next time, just take the freaking hamburger and don't ask and if the chef slaps your hand away with a spatula ask him what his freaking deal is and why he's acting like he started drinking beer long before you or any of the other guests arrived.

Arctic Air Nonsense Non-AC is still an Only Available Through This Offer thing for some reason

"Why pay $839 for an air conditioner when you can pay $879 for this scam plus an air conditioner you put in once you realize that this thing is a scam?"

Seriously, how dumb do you have to be to think that this thing is going to do even one-tenth of what the ad says it will do?  Last time I checked, a little fan + water doesn't equal cool air, it equals humidity.  And you can make it light up in different colors?  So what?  Since when is the lack of neon anyone's problem with an air conditioner?

And how stupid do you have to believe that this stupid crapbox is going to accomplish anything plugged in outside on a hot day other than spiking your electric bill? And why does that little girl act as if she's never breathed before and is enjoying the experience for the first time ever now that her mom has spent forty bucks on a box fan you add water to?  What the hell is going on here, anyway?

Oh right- what's going on here is an unintentionally funny Not Sold in Stores ad for a product only people who don't know how physics works would spend money on.  People who think that $40 plus shipping for one piece of worthless trash is a bit pricey but two for $40 Just pay Shipping and Handling is a Steal.  Those kind of people.  You know, morons.

The iPhone 16 can remain a stranger, just like it's ancestors

 

Am I the only person thoroughly disgusted by the use of language like "meet the new iPhone" and "say hello to the new iPhone" as if this piece of glass, metal and electronics is a sentient being that is going to be a true and trusted friend, every bit a part of my life as parents, siblings and other human forms that used to be part of people's lives until they were replaced by glowing boxes?

Does it not help at all that we see a person staring at their screen while in the driver's seat of a car?  Is it even less helpful to note that there are literally thousands of Tiktokers who regularly post while actually driving their cars?  

I don't want to "meet" the 16th version of your new phone, Apple.  I've never owned an iPhone and don't intend to ever own one.  Yes, I do have a Smartphone but it's something I purchased.  I didn't "meet" it and I sure as hell never said "hello" to it because it's a freaking tool- kind of like the person who came up with this stupid, overproduced pile of garbage you call a commercial.

SW Airlines and it's customers are made for eachother

 

So I flew SW Airlines twice last week, and I've got some things to say.  First, I'm going to slam the airlines, and then I'm going to take on the customers who deserve no better (I am the exception.)

1. I signed in online literally thirty seconds after getting the 24-hour notice to do so- and was assigned to the B group with the number of 15.  Which means that somehow, seventy-five people managed to get in before me.  This is simply not possible.  And it's not that a bunch of people paid extra to get bumped up in line- there simply was no time for that.  Plus, I actually RESERVED AND PAID FOR the seat back in FEBRUARY.  So what the hell, SW?  Is this just random or what?

(The steward joked that "C means center"- more about this in a moment- but in my experience, B means the same thing.)

2. It should not take half an hour for bags to move from plane to carousel.  I know they fly free (more about THIS in a moment) but that doesn't mean that they should stay on the plane gathering dust while we customers wait....and wait...and wait...at the carousel.  

Ok, now about the customers, who are just the most awful human beings ever and should be sentenced to wait at a SW Airlines carousel forever and always:

1. While on line, we were told- repeatedly- that if we were in group B with a number higher than ten or so there would be no more room for bags so we needed to CHECK OUR BAGS AT THE GATE.  Seriously, I think the announcement was made five times and pointedly- like, "we aren't kidding, you aren't going to be able to put your bags in the overhead."  So what happens when we are getting settled? At least a dozen people from my section and group C drag their big suitcases onto the plane and need to have them collected and removed and tagged, delaying our departure.  What the actual hell, people?  BAGS FLY FREE.  Just CHECK YOUR FREAKING BAG IT WILL BE OK MORE THAN THREE FEET AWAY FROM YOU FOR A FEW HOURS.  

2. Nobody wants to sit in a middle seat.  Many, many passengers will simply have to sit in a middle seat.  Wandering around the plane is not going to create a window seat and you sure as hell aren't going to find an aisle seat.  Nobody is going to volunteer that seat you want.  Sit.  The hell. Down. In. A Middle. Seat.  It will be Ok.  It's only a few hours. 

If SW Air Customers don't want to be treated like cattle, well, maybe stop acting like a bunch of dumb cows.  Personally, I took a middle seat right up front between two very decent people who I will never see again and really can't remember now, less than 24 hours later.  I got off the plane quickly because I was in the front.  Yes, I had to wait for my bag at that carousel but so did you if you were in group B or C and I checked my bag beforehand and didn't make a royal pain of myself being obstinate and obsessive about it.  What gets into these people?