1. Why did the people in this vehicle leave it to the driver to remember all of their orders? Why aren't they just giving them individually?
2. Given this guy's inability to articulate a full sentence, I'm not sure I would ride with him because I'm not sure I'd trust his ability to operate heavy machinery.
3. Anyone else think that the switch is all about getting a multimillionaire to pick up the whole tab?
And finally- to what I'm sure is a very nice guy in the comment section....please, if you are "on the floor" as a result of this commercial...well, I really hope that the next Administration takes the treatment of mental illness much more seriously. Good luck getting through the next three years, buddy.
There's nothing this overexposed hack won't do for a few extra bucks to add to the pile, I guess...
You see, it's FUNNY because it's Eli Manning and he's supposed to be a NERD and we KNOW he's
supposed to be a NERD because he's wearing glasses and an ugly sweater and hanging out with fellow unattractive NERDS doing NERD LOSER THINGS like being in BOOK CLUBS and we all know that book clubs are only for LOSERS. Cool people aren't in book clubs because cool people don't READ, they watch FOOTBALL and eat sliders made with King Hawaiian rolls because they are COOL.
The only thing missing here is the old book club celebrating their graduation to COOLNESS by burning those books while WATCHING TV LIKE A REAL AMERICAN. That would "sure beat the book club" and put an apostrophe on this "lighthearted" assault on intellectualism courtesy of King Hawaiian Rolls.
When I first heard the radio ad for this film, I thought it was an SNL skit: "Jason Statham plays an ex-agent forced out of retirement to protect his little girl..."
So....basically...Jason Statham plays Jason Statham in a Jason Statham film. Ex-agent forced out of retirement to protect an innocent person from bad guys? Can I assume he'll be beating up entire gangs of thugs with his bare hands, with at least a few slow-motion cuts, until finally confronting the Big Bad and killing (or, for a slight change of pace because he does do this sometimes) arresting him after beating him up too?
I mean, I get it: predictability can be very comforting. But man, it costs $25 these days to go to the movies, and they are usually available on some streaming service by the time you get back home with your unfinished bucket of corn (oh wait, I forgot the snacks; make that $50.) And speaking of buckets of corn....yeah, Jason Statham is technically an actor who clearly has a very lucrative career playing Jason Statham. But be honest, Statham fans- if I randomly popped one of his eighty films into a DVD player and started running it from twenty minutes in, could you name it with any level of confidence? I mean, with less than five guesses? I doubt it.
I don't want to knock anyone's hustle, but geeeeeesh. If you go to the theater with any doubt in your mind about how every single scene is going to play out, I kind of feel sorry for you. Actually, I think you're just in denial. Either way, enjoy the two servings of nutrition-free popcorn; the one in the bucket on your lap, and the one on the screen.
The radio version of this ad boasts of the "low franchise fee" of "only $20,000," adding the fatal words "you can put that on a credit card"- the tag line of every multi-level marketing "opportunity."
Let me explain something that you should already know if you really have the business skills to run a franchise: If your credit is so broken that you need to put a franchise fee on a credit card, you have no BUSINESS thinking that you can run a BUSINESS. The average interest rate for people with GOOD credit is 19.99%. You can't get a small business loan from your local bank or credit union but are ready to max out your credit card to start a business?
You think I'm going to trust you to sand my floors? I wouldn't even let you through the door. Once you're in, you'd probably refuse to leave until I agreed to join your Downline because Hey Selling Essential Oils to your Facebook Friends is a great way to generate Passive IncomeTM.
"Well, at Verizon you can bring in any bill..." stop right there with Non-sequitur theater, Karen. This isn't Verizon. Does it look like Verizon?
You can put that tv down now, buddy. It's not your burden to carry. Put it down and tell this idiot woman to leave the store and take her ancient heavy junk with her. Does this place LOOK like a Goodwill or recycling center?
"Not as cool as Verizon!" I bet he can live with that, as long as you say it while you leave and add that you're so put out that you'll never come back.
What the hell? This woman is leaving the minimum wage worker holding her heavy television as she leaves? Call the police. I think I've already implied that this is NOT a Goodwill or a recycling center. This is NOT WHERE YOU GET TO DUMP YOUR OLD ELECTRONICS, KAREN.
And after you call the police, call the local mental facility. I'm pretty sure that if they do a head count, they'll notice that one of their long-term residents is missing. Along with her television set.
First of all, there's zero relatable about a couple in their- what, late 20s?- thinking about things like Safaris and purchasing ranches in Montana. With horses.
Second, these people come off as almost unbearably superficial and casual about money. The guy is daydreaming about going on a Safari and even asks the JP Morgan guy if they can afford one. The JP Morgan guy says sure, it will just take some planning- but is practically interrupted by another thought: wait, no- how about if they want to purchase a ranch in Montana? With horses?
The JP Morgan guy, who if he's human is completely nauseated by the entitlement oozing out of these people by now, suggests that ok, we can look at "both those scenarios." If I were him, I'd wait a few minutes for one of them to suggest that what they really want to do is go on a year-long cruise or maybe take a ride with Space X. That's the level of maturity I'm hearing here.
Oh but wait, one of them mentions that maybe they'd like to start a family- a baby. Or babies. No, just one baby. Which tells me that these twats haven't spent more than a few minutes talking about their future in the past two years, assuming that they've even been together for two years. Safaris, ranches in Montana, maybe a baby or maybe two or maybe not...ugh, all these jagoffs have is money.
And since the title of the ad is "Honeymoon," it's fair to assume that they just got married. So they are having conversations about the future that people with two brain cells each usually have BEFORE the ceremony. Better late than never, I guess- but personally, I'm not in favor of children getting married in the first place. And let's face it- I don't care what the birthdates on the IDs say. These people are children. Rich children, but children. And one of the options they are considering is....spreading the dumb to the next generation.
This one will always hold a very special place in my heart, because happening upon it on YouTube back in late 2008 helped convince me to start this blog in the first place.
Thirty-five years later, I think it's safe to conclude that this insane woman is living in an Assisted Living Home and is never, ever visited by her children, who can't forget that Christmas where mom gave them all appointments to get their eyes checked instead of actual presents, and how they all "got to" pick out cheap ugly frames from the discount bin at America's favorite discount vision center. Almost as special as that day when Child Protective Services showed up and told mom that no, she could NOT wait until birthdays came around to surprise her kids with maintenance of their vaccine schedule. RFKjr was not yet in charge of that stuff, unfortunately for her.
So mom "went away" a while back and the kids have moved on, trying hard to keep her name out of the Thanksgiving Day conversations (Thanksgiving was always the day mom gifted them with an entire years' supply of vitamins, so it's always a bit touchy) and steering well clear of that Home We Put Her In Though She Doesn't Deserve Even That Much Consideration, the Crazy Nutter.
