Monday, January 19, 2026

Jason Statham: If you've seen one....

 


When I first heard the radio ad for this film, I thought it was an SNL skit:  "Jason Statham plays an ex-agent forced out of retirement to protect his little girl..." 

So....basically...Jason Statham plays Jason Statham in a Jason Statham film.  Ex-agent forced out of retirement to protect an innocent person from bad guys?  Can I assume he'll be beating up entire gangs of thugs with his bare hands, with at least a few slow-motion cuts, until finally confronting the Big Bad and killing (or, for a slight change of pace because he does do this sometimes) arresting him after beating him up too?

I mean, I get it: predictability can be very comforting.  But man, it costs $25 these days to go to the movies, and they are usually available on some streaming service by the time you get back home with your unfinished bucket of corn (oh wait, I forgot the snacks; make that $50.)  And speaking of buckets of corn....yeah, Jason Statham is technically an actor who clearly has a very lucrative career playing Jason Statham.  But be honest, Statham fans- if I randomly popped one of his eighty films into a DVD player and started running it from twenty minutes in, could you name it with any level of confidence? I mean, with less than five guesses?  I doubt it. 

I don't want to knock anyone's hustle, but geeeeeesh.  If you go to the theater with any doubt in your mind about how every single scene is going to play out, I kind of feel sorry for you.  Actually, I think you're just in denial.  Either way, enjoy the two servings of nutrition-free popcorn; the one in the bucket on your lap, and the one on the screen. 

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