Monday, September 7, 2009

Mom to the Rescue, Again

Mom walks into her teen-aged son's room and instantly crinkles up her nose; clearly, she's entered a toxic waste zone. Her son is splayed out on a sofa, surrounded by his own filth.

"Aren't you having people over to visit?" she asks. "Yeah" he answers.

"We've got to get this room cleaned!" she exclaims. (WE? WE? This kid isn't old enough to clean his own fricking room?)

There's no time to actually clean the room- so Mom whips out a bottle of some air freshener- I think it's Febreze, but I can't be sure because the ad doesn't end with somebody jamming their nose into pillows or curtains or shoes, like all the Febreze commercials do. All I know is that this woman proceeds to squirt half the bottle of the stuff all over her son's room.

And then, the payoff: Two cute girls appear at the door of the room, and one of them says "It smells so nice in here!"

A couple of points: first, there are any number of reasons why a teen-aged boy's room would stink. Maybe there's laundry collecting mold and mildew under the bed. Maybe the sofa is filled with old french fries and pizza slices. Maybe the kid hasn't bathed in the past week or so. Whatever the cause, spraying chemicals around isn't really going to solve the basic issue- your kid is a slob, and the reason you have roaches running around the house.

Second- what Mom reacts to the knowledge that teen-aged girls are coming to spend time in their son's room by rushing around said room, making it as bearably clean-smelling as possible? It seems to me that if the girls don't like the smell of your son's room, they are going to want to move the party or whatever it is to the living room, where you can keep an eye on them.

Third, related to point number one- what is this mom teaching her kid? "Don't bother with keeping yourself and your surroundings clean- just wait till the last minute, you can fake it by spraying crap all the place." To hell with that. Either make Dirty Doofus clean his room regularly or let him live with the bad reputation he gives himself when his peers come to visit. I'm so sick of seeing TV Moms with spray bottles and paper towels at the ready like six-shooters, ready to draw at a moment's notice whenever one of their disgusting spawn makes a mess. This kid looks like he's going to be living on his own in a couple of years- when is he going to be encouraged to grow the hell up?

3 comments:

  1. Whatever the cause, spraying chemicals around isn't really going to solve the basic issue- your kid is a slob, and the reason you have roaches running around the house.

    True enough; she could save herself a lot of time and effort trying to hide her son's uncleanliness by teaching him to pick up after himself. If Junior weren't a damned pig, she wouldn't need the wonder spray.

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  2. It's at least as sickening as all those Bounty Paper towel commercials in which we see moms who actually SMILE when their kids spill stuff, because it gives them the opportunity to "clean up fast" with a handful of absorbent paper. Bleh.

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  3. What gets me is the mother says that the room "STINKS." Not "smells bad." No, "STINKS." And you just noticed this , Mom?

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