Sunday, October 4, 2009

My Questions for Tony Stewart

I don't care if Tony Stewart loves the Whopper.

In spite of my lack of interest, I learn that Tony Stewart loves the Whopper- loves it so much, in fact, that he's unwilling to participate in a Lie Detector Test unless he can do it while holding one to his side and slightly to the front, at mouth level.

I don't care why Tony Stewart loves the Whopper.

Again, my lack of interest doesn't prevent Burger King from telling me that it's because of the Flame-Broiled Taste. Or, at least, that the Flame-Broiled Taste is one of the things which explain why Tony Stewart loves the Whopper.

I don't care if Tony Stewart wears women's underwear. It's not a question I would ask Tony Stewart if I had him hooked up to a Lie Detector. And I have no reaction to the news that Tony Stewart apparently does wear women's underwear. I just don't care about Tony Stewart, period.

Apparently, I'm in the minority, because Burger King ends the commercial by encouraging viewers to send in questions they want Tony Stewart to answer, promising that he will answer (all of them? One of them?) in November.

I guess if I shake myself out of my apathy concerning All Things NASCAR, I would text two questions I would like Tony Stewart to answer:

1) Is there such a thing as Enough Endorsement Money?

2) Are you hoping to make enough money to buy back your soul someday?


  1. In the classes I teach I use NASCAR drivers as an example of effective communicators. If you ever see one of those guys before a race or after, you can count on him to express gratitude to his sponsors, his team, his pit crew and the fans, usually in that order. It doesn't matter if he's starting on the pole, winning the race or finishing 43rd. I'm certain that they must be taught this technique in race car driving school.

    So the answer to question 1 is no, and the answer to 2 is maybe.

  2. I guess we can add fast food franchises to the list of products that bring the lunatics in the ad agency to the fore; they thus join cell phone providers and car companies as the purveyors of ads designed to make people with taste wince.

  3. What I want to know is why Stewart missed the opportunity to endorse lie detectors: "CatchLie, for all your polygraph needs."