Thursday, October 8, 2009

SupportSlimyFlatEarthers.org!

The voice on the radio sounds like a slower-speaking version of Andy Griffith's megalomaniac narcissist character Lonesome Rhodes in the classic A Face In The Crowd, jus' givin' us nice listeners the low-down on what these busy-bodies in Wash-in-tun are tryin' to con us into believin' about this-here whole global warmin' thing:

"Turns out, scientists now agree that the Earth has actually been coolin' over the past ten years- in fact, the las' ten years has been the coldest ever recorded!"

Well, good points, except that A) Ten years is a ridiculously short period upon which to try to detect a trend in climate change, B) the last ten years has NOT been the coldest ever recorded, or even close, and C) "most scientists" believe exactly the opposite. Other than that, well done.

"But there is some good news-- now all those Global Warmin' Elites can fly their private jets around the world guilt-free!"

Haha, excellent points!

A) Global Warmin'= Socialist/Marxist/Fascist Lie created to deprive you of your God-Given right to create as much pollution as you want and leave the planet as damaged as humanly possible. Go ahead, dump that old oil into the storm drain. God wants you to- it's mentioned in Leviticus somewhere.

B) Elites= People with an Education who think they are smarter than you are, the smartasses. They think that just because they went to school, they are smart. If they are so smart, why were they taken in by scams like Evolution, Global Warming, and Plate Tectonics? Morons.

C) Private Jets= All Liberals fly around in Private Jets, all the time. That's so they can sneer at us workin' folks from high altitude and not have to risk sitting next to us by flying Southwest. Damn Elites.

"Support Soundbites at IPI.org." Well, give them credit for truth in advertising- if you go to the IPI.org website, you are indeed encouraged to donate money to pay for more awesome commercials like this one. The "Institute for Policy Innovation" also encourages you to read articles explaining other "scams," why Obama's Health Care initiatives threaten your right to privacy, why Keynesian Economics is and always has been an unmitigated disaster (damn that FDR! Damn the Progressive Tax System!) and other subjects geared to advancing the organization's mission statement, which is advocating smaller government and lower taxation (through the spread of simple-minded platitudes and rank ignorance, I guess.)

No thanks, Lonesome. I'm sure it's because I'm an East Coast Elitist (sans private plane, what is the deal?) but I just don't get your Common Sense Wisdom. So I won't be Supporting Sound Bites for now. I am looking forward to hearing you snigger about Evil-ution and Tree-Huggers and this stupid recyclin' fad in the future. And what's the deal with this heliocentric universe crap? Go to it, Mr. Rhodes!

lower taxes,
fewer regulations,
and a smaller, less-
intrusive government.

2 comments:

  1. How about including the latte drinkin', atheistic, socialist, communist, homosexual agenda promoting (sorry -- promotin') cliches?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mounthpieces for the oil industry posing as the friend of the common man is another thing you don't have a monopoly down in the states. They aren't as vocal here but they do exist.

    ReplyDelete