Tuesday, April 4, 2017
When you're watching racist McDonald's Commericals- there's a Big Mac for that!
You know what, never mind. I could spend the next hour spilling out eight paragraphs of rant fixated on how a multi-billion dollar sludge factory owned by massively rich white people made rich by churning out poisonous but very cheap junk for poor black and white people thinks that the best way to appeal to its customers is through bad rap. But I've got things to do, so I'll just focus on the revolting behavior of the people in this ad:
According to this loathsome two-minute wall of noise, there is a Big Mac for That if
1. You're sitting in a library. Because libraries just love it when patrons use them as a setting for eating hot, greasy food. But hell, if you feel comfortable letting out a loud squeal of delight while sitting in a library, you probably don't give a damn about the other patrons anyway. So please chomp down that Big Mac while blathering at high volume on your cell phone. Because as far as you are concerned, society is for losers anyway.
2. You're sitting on a bus. See No. 1. Everyone on that bus loves the smell of your food and the site of you jamming it into your face. The bus company loves the mess and the vermin it attracts. We all wish you'd just go back to yelling into your iPhone or playing your music with no headphones or with ear buds (same thing.)
3. You find money in the dryer at the laundramat. Because I don't know about you, but the heavy smell of chemicals and lint really spike MY appetite. Sometimes I go out of the way to eat dinner at the local 24-hour Wash and Dry. Especially when the library is closed.
4. A hot girl returns your text. Because if you think you are going to land a date with your dream girl, the first thing you want to do is shove about half a pound of grease and carbs down your pie hole. Try to make sure she's there to see you do it. She's sure to swoon.
I think that the real message of this commercial is "no matter how big your mouth is, we've got a sandwhich you can shove into it if you open that mouth really really wide and really don't care who might be able to see you, you disgusting trashy slobs."