Wednesday, April 19, 2017
Xfinity "challenges" us to ramp up our addiction to electronic stimulus
Because what these pasty, fat, electronics-addicted losers really want and need is More More More TV Everywhere All The Time. Which is why they are outside yet gathered around huge flat screen tvs listening to some spokeschoad for Xfinity sell them on the idea that, well, More More More TV Everywhere All The Time would make their non-lives worth living.
Hey, here's an idea, you f--ing zombies: You are outside. Why not just take a walk? Why not visit a museum or park, and while you're at it why don't you take your kids and grandkids with you and actually watch them play instead of just being in their vicinity while you stare at your g-d d--med phones?
Oh right, I forgot- its because you've bought in to the idea that no matter WHAT you are doing, it can be made better by adding television. The world outside your house is scary, so you should spend as much time inside watching television. When you DO have to venture out into the Big Scary World, bring your television with you so you can pretend to be in your safe home.
There is simply nothing out there that's as awesome as thousands of hours of television, live or recorded. And now you can stream it into your brain no matter where you are, thanks to Xfinity. Don't forget to drop them a tweet thanking them for feeding your insatiable addiction to Nothing.