Sunday, September 17, 2017

Which of these Pizza Hut commercials is more detached from reality?

Commercial #1- a guy in traction stands in the middle of the kill floor at his local Pizza Hut to bore- err, entertain- the employees with his exortation to live every minute like it's their last because it may be.  "Living each moment" means watching sunsets, staring at the ocean...and eating Pizza Hut's special brand of cardboard both stuffed and topped with the most disgustingly tasteless mass-produced cheap "cheese" the corporate monolyth known as Pizza Hut could buy by the metric ton?

Who is this jackass talking to, anyway?  Because it sure as hell isn't the people in the room with him. Telling Pizza Hut employees to "live every day" as they struggle to keep up with the demands of decorating plates of dough with sugary crap and shoving them into ovens for minimum wage is pretty low.  Especially when one of those workers is a guy who should be enjoying his golden years with his great-grandchildren but instead is trying to make rent spending them working the late shift at Pizza Hut.  Because Capitalism.

Commercial #2- I guess the punchline of this mess is that Not-E.T has arrived on Earth to complement us on our ability to produce children who have "excellent hiding places" ( I don't even want to speculate on what that means) and to let us know that not only is the universe totally devoid of pizza, but that the alien is just going to punt his search for the best pizza on Earth and stop at the very first place he visited, Pizza Hut.  Because, come on- if Not-E.T. thinks that Pizza Hut is "the best," he has

A.  No taste buds, or
B.  No desire to explore the planet for pizza, having tasted what passes as pizza at Pizza Hut.

If "A" is true, the alien has no business judging pizza.  If "B" is true, the alien is perfectly welcome to return home and let his own race know that Pizza Hut is the best we can do; I won't let the slander bother me.  But he should stop looking into the camera and trying to convince US that Pizza Hut represents the pinnacle of pizza-producing mastery, because we know better.  Because we've eaten pizza produced pretty much anywhere else.

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