Sunday, June 10, 2018
Ocean City presents the...um...."Fun" Family
Get it? Because their last name is "Fun." And they like to have "Fun." Isn't that clever?
I wonder why they aren't the Inane Family. Or the Doofus Family. Or they Whitebread Family. I mean, come on. This perfectly ordinary, boring man-child bumped into a desperate, Clock-is-ticking Equally Uninteresting, Depressingly Fertile female of the species totally willing to mate with anyone who could provide sperm and a reasonable amount of money for a bank account and a House in the SuburbsTM. In due time they managed to pass their DNA on to the next generation of perfectly ordinary, probably Just As Boring kids who will grow up to marry people of their same race and mind set and start the whole vicious cycle all over again.
In the meantime, these are the people you'll meet if you go to Ocean City, Maryland, otherwise known as Six Flags For People of Moderate Income. Moron adults with their moron kids acting like morons.
Now, if all this cloying - not to mention all the noise that goes with crowds of kids and their stupid parents and water slides and rides and ride lines- isn't for you, you could head a few miles down the road and enjoy the windswept dunes of Rehoboth Beach in Delaware. No arcades or mini-golf or water slides or rollercoasters, just sand and surf and nature quiet time with your kids. For people who don't need constant stimulation to keep their "brains" going, might be worth a visit. But if you aspire to be like the "Fun" Family, please stick to Ocean City and the glitzy carnival atmosphere and the corn dogs and the cotton candy and the noise. You wouldn't find the quiet beaches fun- in fact, you might find it downright terrifying having to entertain your kids without assistance from colorful shiny junk. And we don't want you there anyway.