Saturday, January 12, 2019
Less than two weeks in, Pepsi gives us 2019's Dumbest Commercial
Or at least the laziest. Maybe I should have said "laziest." Because there's no way it could possibly get lazier than this.
"They could win with a field goal....they're going to try to ice the kicker..." you know what, I'm not going to even get into the dumb color commentary. Pepsi does more than enough to show it's utter contempt for its audience without getting into that.
Instead, I'll note that every single person in this 60,000 seat stadium not only has a can of Pepsi (not beer, meaning that this is the only NFL game in history to be attended exclusively by 14-year olds) but a big plastic cup filled with ice to pour it into. Where the hell did those come from? Who drinks soda poured from cans into plastic cups filled with ice at a football game? What kind of stupid bizarro world is this?
Oh wait, I almost forgot- it's a Pepsi Commercial.
Anyway, all these people with cups now filled with ice and Pepsi ("Ice" the kicker- get it? GET IT? THIS IS WHERE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO LAUGH, STUPID PEOPLE!) take a sip at the same time and let out an "ahhhh" as if there's something refreshing about Pepsi- or as if they haven't had a thing to drink in the previous three hours and are relieved to have SOMETHING, ANYTHING to quench their thirst, even if it's Pepsi. Somehow this wave of stupid distracts the kicker or creates a sound wave or something which causes the field goal attempt to fail, cue applause, cue end of very, very stupid ad.
Congratulations, Pepsi. We are all a little bit dumber from watching this stupid, obvious nub of insult posing as a commercial. Well done. Nothing released over the next 11 and a half months is going to come close to this when it comes to vacant, vapid asshattery. Mazel Tov on your release of a virtual black hole of an ad, brilliantly devoid of even the slightest hint of entertainment value. I'm in awe.