Saturday, January 12, 2019
4imprint- because people really care about the quality of giveaway crap
When we are introduced to the character of Ernie Capadino (played by Jon Lovitz) in the film A League of Their Own, he's sitting next to a salesman on a train. The salesman is gushing with incredible enthusiasm about how he's traveling around the country pitching some product or another and how he's about to be promoted director of his company's western sales branch or something. Capadino responds by laughing and telling the salesman "if I had your job, I'd kill myself."
I know it will sound mean, but that's exactly how I feel whenever I watch one of these ridiculous commercials for a company called 4Imprint. I mean, try to imagine working for this company. Your job is to pitch a service that slaps some other company's logo on everything from coffee travel mugs to ball point pens which can then be handed out as free crap at trade shows. You have to know that none of this garbage is going to convince anyone to use any service, but will instead be used to replace the fading, dented, or lost (probably left on a train or at school or wherever because it has zero value to its owner) junk picked up at the LAST trade show. 4imprint doesn't even make the garbage. It just stencils a name on garbage. Wow, I'm sure that's what the stupid chirpy woman in this ad dreamed of doing when she was growing up.
I'll be heading off to Louisville to grade for Educational Testing Service for the 11th straight year in June. When I get there, I'll be handed a "welcome bag" which will probably include a travel mug, umbrella and almost unbelievably cheap carrying case all emblazoned with the logo for AP and The College Board. The umbrella will be broken before summer is out. The travel mug will still be around (if I haven't misplaced it) but the logo will be rubbed off by the end of the year. I probably won't even bring the carrying case back with me because- well, there's only so much room in that suitcase. But I sure hope that nobody actually took pride in making sure that stupid logo was slapped on that stupid junk Just Right to Impress Me, because that would be really, really sad.