Saturday, May 18, 2019
MLMs are the bane of YouTube, but pure gold for me
Every. Other. Commercial. on YouTube is some guy jacked up on speed standing in a mansion or (more likely) in front of his Maserati and Trophy Girlfriend waving his hands and telling me in a manic voice how he made five million dollars in six months selling stuff on YouTube and went from being a college dropout dishwasher living in mom's basement to owning everything worth owning on the planet.
In reality, there's no "Amazing Secret" to making money in a Multi-Level Marketing scheme. It's actually very simple. I'm going to share it with you because I'm Just That Kind of Guy- the kind that isn't satisfied being Super Rich and Successful but is so Big-Hearted that I want everyone to experience the kind of lifestyle I've come to experience, never mind that it would make no sense economically for everyone to be rich Shut Up Hater.
Here we go: First, work is for suckers. Don't do it. Remember the Three F's: Family, Friends, and Facebook. Mine them for people who A) are naturally inclined to want to help you out, B) are greedy/stupid/gullible, and C) are desperate enough to believe anything. You find enough people like this, and you are definitely on your way to that first Million.
These are the people who are going to do the work. Explain to them how the company you work for sells Amazing products nobody else sells- products that are so Life-Changing that once people are introduced to them they are hooked for life and will shove fistfuls of money in your face to get more. Sign them up and you'll get a percentage of all their sales while doing no real work yourself. Doesn't that sound awesome?
Second, be prepared to deflect the complaints of your Family, Friends and Facebook recruits when they can't sell even five percent of the overpriced crap they purchased after you assured them they'd sell like crazy Without Any Real Effort On Their Part. Tell them they just have to Believe in Themselves. Tell them to Have Faith. Tell them to recruit more people and then dump those essential oils, supplements and home-flipping DVDs on them. Tell them how disappointed you are that you went out of your way to Present This Opportunity and now they are Being Negative How Dare They This is So Sad.
Third, keep your soul in cold storage and don't ever let it out for exercise. I mean, what did it ever do for you? Did it get you that first five million?
Fourth, make an ad like this on YouTube. Be sure to include the House, Car and Girlfriend the MLM made possible. And don't forget to rant like a freaking lunatic because I guess that's convincing for some reason.
Enjoy your New, Prosperous Life! Glad I could help!