Friday, April 24, 2020

Just don't try to make pancakes when you're drunk, that's all.

"You flip, they flop.  You flip, they flop..."  By the time you give up and admit that you really aren't capable of making anything more complicated than a bowl of Cheerios for breakfast, it's time for lunch and your kitchen is a horrifying mess.

The "secret" to perfect pancakes?  A box of Bisquick, some water, and some heat.  I used to add a pinch of nutmeg when I made them for myself or my Significant Other, because I don't like to use maple syrup (I know, sacrilege for a Vermonter) and they can be a bit bland.  Oh, but this commercial is another one of those This Easy Thing to Do That We Are Going to Pretend is a Massive Hassle to Sell you Something commercials, so it's all about the proper use of a spatula and how it Can't Really be Done.

Except, it's really not that hard to use a spatula to flip pancakes.  Just don't make them big, and follow the directions in the title.*  Oh, and want to cut back on butter and grease?  Use a non-stick pan.  The great thing about a non-stick pan is that you can use it to make things other than pancakes- unlike this stupid device.   I mean, if you live on pancakes, sure, go ahead and invest in this thing.  Otherwise, what a dumb waste of money.

*Why would anyone make pancakes when they are drunk, anyway?  Everyone knows that Drunk+Hungry for Pancakes= IHOP.  Or it did, before the current crisis descended upon us.  I'd say that this commercial was made to fill the niche created by the sudden lack of All You Can Eat pancake houses, but it was made way before COVID-19 arrived to wreck havoc on our bad eating habits.  Fortunately, more and more liquor stores have drive-thrus, and I bet every IHOP in the country is looking for ways to encourage people to leave their houses after a night of binge-drinking and head off to the local IHOP for delivered-to-your-car pancakes.  You know, just to add some comfort to your sad, isolated, monotonous life.

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