Tuesday, April 4, 2023

Ode to Obesity, Ode to Jardiance


"I love my magic Jardiance and I feel Swell
Just pop a pill and then I'm off to Taco Bell!

Comfy in my body livin' life my way
Ordered a life-sized poster of Tess Holliday

Think my yellow dress is hot this is so fun
though some may think I look like I'm a second sun

It took two days for me to film this stupid ad
Stopped every fifteen seconds 'cause my feet swelled bad

Hey kids just keep on eating you can be like me
By twelve you'll lose control of your A1C 

Be pre-diabetic before you reach High School
The BMI is full of crap the "O-word's" Cool

Fatphobic doctors tell me I could just lose weight
I tell 'em "it's genetic" and it's all just Fate

Look I'm a dancin' icon and I'm havin' fun
don't wanna use the stairs and never wanna run

Gyms are all so toxic so I stay away
all gym-bros got EDs and steroids anyway

The thins they all will hate me but I got no ears
for their "we get picked on too" yeah f--k your skinny tears

You get on all the park rides and doctors treat you reals 
and your BS "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"

But we'll survive the famine 'cause we got the genes
and you skinnies soon will learn what real oppression means

You can deny it all you want but you know its true
Body Positivity was never meant for you

But back to the point, Jardiance is great
It cares how I feel, not what I ate. 


  1. There are any number of mutants out there who balloon up to 350 even on a starvation diet. I blame Better Living Through Chemistry warping the gene pool.

    1. The problem is that it's never been easier to consume excess calories quickly and cheaply, and it's never been easier to avoid movement. It's not possible to put on weight without excess calorie intake; people who claim that they have "dieted for years" and still gain weight mean that they have tried and failed to diet for years. Fat can't be pulled from the air.