Friday, January 19, 2024

Oh Oh Oh Ozempic is the gift that just keeps giving


"Ozempic can be used to prevent high blood sugar, which can result in serious heart ailments.  It also can help some patients lose weight."

Prospective patient:  "How much weight?"

"Um...patients on Ozempic have reported losing ten percent or more of their body weight. It also helps prevent Type 2 Diabetes, which has been connected to an increased risk of strokes and heart attacks..."

PP:  "What if I take a double dose every week?  Can I lose more weight?"

"OD'ing on Ozempic is not recommended.  Did I mention that taking Ozempic can lower the damage caused by hormonally active adipose tissue, which decreases mobility and may lead to serious issues like hardened arteries?"

PP:  "So how do I get a prescription for Ozempic?"

"Ask your doctor if Ozempic is right for you."

PP:  "It's right for me.  I am fat.  So I just tell my doctor to prescribe Ozempic and if he refuses- or even hesitates- do a little doctor-shopping until I find one more enlightened to the benefits of Ozempic, right?"

"Um...yeah, I guess.  It's a great drug for treating Type 2 Diabetes..."

PP:  "I don't know that that diababies thing is, but I want to look cut this summer.  I'm getting Ozempic."

"Yeah, I hear that a lot.  Not really sure why our commercials even mention the other stuff.  After all, if Americans were concerned about strokes and diabetes, we wouldn't be on"e of the fattest nations on the planet in the first place...."

PP:  "Hey, that's mean.  It's mostly genetic!"

"Are you actually eating Taco Bell right now?"

PP:   I have to nourish my body!!  Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to tell my doctor to put me on Ozempic- I mean, I'm off to ask my doctor about Ozempic." 

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