Jason Kelce is currently working under a 3-year contract to bloviate on ESPN. That contract pays him an estimated $8 million per year to do not much of anything at all while sitting in a studio wearing a suit (sometimes.) His total career earnings in the NFL is estimated at between $81 million and $88 million.
Oh, and his brother is engaged to a woman with an estimated net worth of $1.6 billion.
Don't try to convince me that he gives a flying damn how much he's saving on NFL Pass, please. Let alone that he's so excited about the savings that he can't stop screaming about it. This is right up there with watching David Ortiz and Kevin Hart flip out about getting free "parlays" through their "favorite" online gambling apps. Just stop this. Read the room, and STOP THIS.
It's like a buffet of punchlines that leaves you standing there paralyzed with indecision, with no idea how to start.
"I'm a Art History Major, and this essay is due on Friday...."
Girl, your "professor" doesn't care about the essay. She knows you're just going to punt it over to ChatGBT. After all, if you were serious about creating something of value- or even surviving financially in the America of the 21st century- you wouldn't be the Very Last Person on the Planet on an academic path to earn a degree in Art History. Seriously, I didn't even know that was a thing anymore. IS it still a thing? Or is it just the most face-palm subject the writers of this commercial could think of to assign this doofus stereotype of a college student.
So anyway, the Ridiculously Out of Touch Star of our Commercial can't string three coherent sentences together and punts the job over to Grammarly AI, figuring that its a new system and maybe if her teacher is over thirty she probably doesn't know about it yet but is regrettably aware of ChatGBT. Maybe she figures that for at least a semester or so said teacher will remain unaware of the program that will allow her to run this plagiarized essay that no one wants to write or read and will never provide any actual value to anyone pass muster with the school and she'll get that passing grade that will allow her to continue her pointless path to a worthless degree.
(Yes, I'm aware that was a run-on sentence. I'm not running it through an AI filter to "clean it up" though because I'm not a base, lazy hypocrite.)
I'll wrap this up by shaking my head at our "student" here, going tens of thousands of dollars into debt to take classes that will lead her nowhere and using AI to do her homework in the process. Maybe she's got the money to waste, but what about the time? She's never getting that back. Maybe she's a trust fund baby who likes Art History and will be driving back home for the holidays in the Lexus Mommy and Daddy got her to make Christmas 2023 a December to Remember? There's got to be a good back story like that here, or the epilogue is going to be really, really sad.
"Your home is your happy place. You'd think that would mean that you'd like to keep it clean-- I mean, keeping it clean also keeps it free of vermin and germs and all that nasty stuff.
But if, as it turns out, all you are really concerned with is the surface appearance of your house and how it smells, you can use this thing which believe it or not has a microchip to dispense chemical scents into the air and mask the filthy squalor that secretly defines your, um, 'happy place.'"
I agree with several YouTube commentators: Poor Dog. Poor kid, too. Keep your damn house clean, you lazy jagoffs.
I'd like to congratulate the people out there who bought the hype back in 2023 and purchased the fully-loaded Nissan Rogue offered in this ad. In case you don't remember- and I bet you do, because you're still being reminded once a month when the bill arrives- this thing set you back $38,000 plus interest. But you got a cool car out of it, didn't you (I mean, to the extent that "Nissan" and "cool car" can exist in the same sentence, of course?)
Well, I hope you are still having fun in that Nissan, because you sure as hell aren't trading it in for an upgrade, because your car- with under 10,000 miles on the odometer, yet- is available right now for exactly half what you paid for it two years ago. Yep. $19,000 gets you a Nissan Rogue with very low miles.
Don't tell me you still owe more than that on your stupid impulse purchase triggered by a dumb commercial that convinced you that you'd feel like a secret agent (who are well known for driving around in NISSAN PRODUCTS) than it's worth on the current market? Ohhhhh.....awkward. Sorry. I take back my congratulations and exchange them for condolences.
2. Instead of showing them riding through a gate, have them riding off a cliff instead. Much more accurate.
And be honest- the reason why there's a vacant seat for someone to jump on to. The guy who used to be in that seat has un-alived himself after losing his savings, his house, and his family to this brutal addiction we are currently referring to as a "thrill" Because Capitalism.
Or you could, I don't know...watch the game on one of the many screens at one of the many bars that decorate every single gate at every airport in the United States? Just a thought. And while we're at it, here's another couple of thoughts: Are there more than half a dozen people waiting to board this plane? And are all of them really more interested in a regular-season NFL game than in getting to their destination? 'Cause I'm not buying it.
1. Yeah, being a cheap, obvious, blatant suck-up in front of your fellow coworkers is probably not a great idea. That, and this guy's incredibly punchable face, is probably the reason why his cubicle is set well apart from everyone else's.
2. Know what else you probably shouldn't be doing while at work? Obsessively checking your insurance rates on the company's computer (and the company's time.) You got a job here, buddy? Maybe you should be doing that?
3. Kudos to the boss for giving the mentally challenged a chance to become more financially independent with a job at her company, but she might have gone a bit too far when she hired this grinning jackass. He's either having an Episode during meetings or he's putzing around on his computer staring at insurance quotes. I mean, there are limits and this is a business, right?
4. The comments on this video....just, stop. These have to be bots. They just HAVE to be.
