"Hey Paris, who are you wearing?" Hmm. That's not even in the top three of the list of questions I had when I saw Paris Hilton in a commercial Not for Carl Jr's hamburgers. Here's how I responded to seeing this person appear on my television screen:
1. "Wait...you're still a thing?"
2. "Why were you ever a thing?"
3. "Could you please stop being a thing now?"
Honorable Mention: "Can I assume that we aren't getting a sequel to The Hottie and the Nottie?"
This is like watching a bunch of seamstresses being shown a Spinning Jenny and thinking "wow, this is absolutely amazing, what a wonderful time to be alive!" Never mind that the machine they are being shown was literally built to make their skills irrelevant.
What we are watching here is people eagerly embracing an App that will very quickly make them an expensive, obsolete burden to their employers-- and, ultimately, Unemployed and Unemployable. Well, I guess at least that will give them more time with their phones and something to do while doom-scrolling LinkedIn, desperately searching for an AI-proof job that will allow them to keep food on the table.
For those of you who don't live in Maryland, April McClain Delaney is a freshman congressperson from Maryland's sixth district, currently seeking a second term. She is being challenged by her predecessor in that seat, David Trone, who gave up the position to run a failed bid for the United States Senate in 2024.
Representative Delaney is running a two-headed campaign featuring attacks on Trump/ICE detention centers and on her opponent in the Democratic Primary, Mr. Trone. I applaud your votes against everything Trump does, Ms. Delaney. I have no issues with that whatsoever. My questions concern your pushback against your primary challenger.
You have issued a "Cease and Desist" against Mr. Trone for running ads urging Democratic Primary voters to "Re-Elect David Trone," suggesting that Trone is trying to trick voters into thinking he's the incumbent. Do you really have so little respect for your constituents that you think they don't know who their Congressperson is? Or is it that you've been so low-profile that you're afraid that the guy who preceded you has larger name recognition? In any case, David Trone is a former Congressman who is looking to get re-elected to his old seat. You can quibble about the language, but I don't think you have a legal leg to stand on and you're coming off insecure more than anything else here.
Also, you accuse Mr. Trone of trying to buy this seat. But in 2024, of the just over $2 million you spent to win it yourself, $1 million was self-financed by you and your husband. Seems to me that you don't object to buying seats in the House of Representatives as much as you are irritated at the concept of being outspent.
Finally, you suggest that Mr. Trone feels "entitled" to this seat- again, because he's a multimillionaire who jumped into politics near the top. But do I need to remind you who served as the Representative in this district before Mr. Trone first ran? That was John Delaney- your husband. A quick Wiki scan tells me that your Congressional seat is the very first office YOU ever ran for. You'll need to work hard to explain to me the moral difference between a person who buys name recognition and one who "earns" it by being the spouse of the former Rep. Oh, but she did serve as a Deputy Director for one division in the Department of Commerce. Her qualifications for that role? Um....well....check out her last name again.
In short, please explain to me how the race for the Democratic Nomination for Congress in Maryland's 6th district is NOT just a fight between two people who used money and connections to short-cut their way to the upper ranks of political power? Or- get off your high horse. I seem to remember you using your name recognition and money to bludgeon an underfunded primary opponent just two short years ago. Your current pious tongue-clucking about Big Money is unbecoming to say the least, and I'd actually go with the phrase "blatantly hypocritical."
It's a little-known Fact that there is not a human being on Earth who can decipher the lyrics of this song, which by the way is a clear violation of the Geneva Convention and a War Crime in over 100 nations (another little-known Fact.)
Having this ad run on repeat at least eight times an hour during tonight's Svengoolie episode made me a worse person. I think it caused permanent damage to my psyche and I do not expect to recover.
Seriously, look at the gushing in response to this ad. Samsung is King. Samsung is Awesome. Samsung's Privacy Screen is like if Sliced Bread and the Wheel had a baby. None of these comments were posted by an actual human being, of course. They are all droppings left by an AI Vapid Comment Generator. Nobody is this inane. Not even in the United States of Capitalism.
Meanwhile, I guess this is an attractive feature during the current pandemic of Main Character Syndrome- everyone is looking at me, everyone is interested in what I'm doing, I'm very, very intriguing to all around me- but if the target audience were honest it would ask why it wants a privacy screen while yapping away about the most personal details of their lives or blasting music at full volume in public. Trouble is, the target audience is NOT honest. It is, however, shockingly narcissistic and convinced that it's being judged- especially for owning a Samsung and not an iPhone. If this screen is exclusive to Samsung for a season it can pretend the choice has to do with Samsung's dedication to privacy? Please.
A typical Disney family cruise (7 nights, Caribbean destinations) cost upward of $10,000. This family has been going on them like other families rent tiny cabins at the local beach. In other words, filthy rich and totally unrelatable.
Oh, but the bots commenting on this ad pretend that it's making them cry- because they are bots. Nobody with any sense gets choked up over three generations of a family spending a freaking fortune on overpriced entertainment sold by the Mouse That Destroyed Star Wars. Especially when you just KNOW these people also spend a week at one of the freaking parks, too.
Seriously, I watched this twice and noted the official Ethos logo on the ad before I was able to convince myself that this was not pulled from an episode of SNL.
First, you've got the creepy kids letting dad know EXACTLY how his dying would impact them- "we'd be HOMELESS" says the little girl in her best Precocious Sitcom Child voice. Not "we love you and would be devastated." Just an eyeroll and "come on dad, we like this house and you pay for it so we need you to hang around."
And the little boy with his "I have no one to look up to...." But you DO have someone to live off of, Dead or Alive, so that's ok?
Second, you've got Mom telling him that "of course we love you BUT we also love our home" in a tone that makes it pretty damn unmistakable which one is the priority. And then she doubles down- "PLUS the kids want to go to college..." Holy Crap Woman, just call him your freaking meal ticket and get it over with. You don't just want this guy to get life insurance- you want him to get enough to make sure that if something happens to him, you get to keep the house and the kids get to go college and neither involves you actually getting a job. And what kind of parent brings her small children into a discussion concerning Our Living Conditions After Dad Inevitably Dies Young?
Now, the guy does respond to all this "honey get life insurance so we can stop worrying about the possibility of one day living in a world where we have to take care of ourselves" by ruining a sheet and acting far less mature than his ghoul kids, so maybe his family is legitimately concerned that Dad will accidentally kill himself in one of any number of ways any day now. But he must have something going on between his ears to be able to afford that ridiculous estate, scheming bloodless trophy wife and evil children. Or is it all inherited? But if that's the case, what's the big deal about insurance? Are you blowing through this guy's family fortune that fast?
The mom is Awful, the kids are Awful (and- if they are actual human children- Traumatized,) and Dad is not handling his wife and children obsessing over Life After Him as if it's right around the corner very well. What a bizarre commercial. What isn't bizarre is that Comments are blocked. I can imagine what that thread would have looked like.
