Optima Tax Relief- Yes, it's complicated. No, I don't care.

 

"You don't want to take on the IRS alone..."

So, um....pay your taxes.  Regularly, and accurately.  That way, you'll probably never have to take on the IRS, alone or otherwise.

Most recent Optima Tax Relief Ads include a line about the tax code being "too complicated."  I actually agree that filing taxes is too complicated and this complication seems to be by design, as the result of lobbying by professional tax prep services (NOT to make it easier for the IRS to "come after" innocent "victims" of complicated paperwork.)  But the line is included in the ads to suggest that the main reason people fail to pay taxes is because it's too complicated, a philosophy that (it seems to me) goes hand in hand with the argument that most people steal because paying for things is hard and most people who drive drunk do so because alcohol is delicious and the United States lacks Walkable Cities.

In other words....Just, No.  You can't convince me that the great majority of people who do not file taxes fail because they just can't figure out HOW.  Naw, they don't file because they don't want to pay.  I'm sure it's comforting to a thief to be called a "victim" who is being "targeted" by the Big Bad Government but let's be honest- failing to file taxes because doing so is "complicated" doesn't make it any less of a crime.  

The very name "Tax Relief" irritates me to no end.  It's bad enough that there are endless loopholes and shelters available to the very rich, whose tax burden is ALREADY very low compared to pretty much every other nation in the Western World.  I don't have a tear to shed for anyone who wants "relief" from paying their share of the cost of keeping their country afloat while they enjoy all the benefits OUR tax dollars provide.  We are the ones who need Relief- from scofflaws who think that they are exceptional cases who should be allowed to skate on their financial obligations to the society they live in.  

Declare Independence by taking on Debt!

 

(Yes, I know I'm using the same ad as a few days ago, but who watches them anyway?  I have a few more points to make.)

The fully-equipped Toyota Capstone (shown being used to pick up coffee in this ad) has an out-the-door price of $83,000.  That's not a misprint- the price starts with an EIGHT.

At 4.9% financing (available only to customers with credit scores in the top 10%) and no money down, this translates into payments of $1193 spread out over Seventy-Two Months.)  The AVERAGE new car of ANY model carries a note of $775 per month for an average of SIXTY months.  Buying this truck isn't a Declaration of Independence; it's the taking of a new mortgage.  

I also love that this ad shows a young black woman buying the truck.  The average black family in the United States has an annual income of $56,000 compared to just over $80,000 for the average white family.  This truck is not a feasible purchase for white people; it's downright insulting to show a twenty-something black girl buying one.  (BTW, how many twentysomething black girls in the United States do you think qualify for 4.9% financing?  How many who AREN'T celebrities?)

I bet people who buy these things are sold on the fact that they are, after all, Toyotas and not Kias or Hyundais or (g-d forbid) Jeeps or Fords and therefore at least will provide reliable transportation and keep more of their value over the seven years they are going to be chained at the hip to them.  But still- signing away money that could be building equity in a retirement fund for a depreciating asset that wasn't worth anything close to the price tag when BRAND NEW is shocking-stupid and definitely something I would expect an inexperienced, silly young person to do with a huge smile on her face while a salesperson (who absolutely has something to celebrate) shoots off confetti.

Cool Cove ACs- this summer's Robot Rabbits

 

I strongly believe that there's a factory somewhere in Eastern Europe that is constantly marketing and manufacturing something- ANYTHING- in response to whatever the hot (no pun intended) trend is in the Western World.

Christmas?  Check out these AI-enhanced robot puppies that "respond to your child's commands."  (Actually, the are just the same bark, wobble and flip junk toys that have been available at the Dollar Store for years now.)  Easter?  Now the AI-enhanced robots are rabbits, not puppies.  Otherwise, the exact same product.

A brutal heatwave in the Developed (Western, Rich, filled with stupid people with money) World?  Let's crank out fake "miracle air conditioners" that can cool rooms from 90 to 60 degrees in seconds with zero installation, no condensation, and very little electricity used- the "miracle" is found in the breaking of the laws of physics and thermodynamics.  Let's buy cheap (again, AI-generated) ads with fake five-star reviews and plaster them all over Facebook where ignorant dopes looking for some relief can get suckered in with the promise of cool temperatures at low cost and minimal effort.  Never mind that these "air conditioners" are nothing more than cheap electric fans sold at enormous markups despite the low-on-the-surface cost (if the advertised price is $19.99 plus shipping from Croatia or Vietnam, it's actually closer to $30, and if you ever actually get the product- long after the heat wave has passed- you'll find that you bought a tiny $2 fan encased in an unnecessarily large plastic container.)  

This same "product" will be rebranded as a Miracle Heater this winter, I guarantee it.  And it will sell, because people are Dumb.  I mean, CarShield is still a thing, right?  

Toyota: Good Cars, Stupid Commercials

 

With the single exception of my very first car, a 1974 Superbeetle purchased for me by my Volkswagen-devotee grandfather, every single automobile I've ever owned has been a Toyota or a Honda.   I think they are the best values on the market and have been for more than forty years, so I generally shy away from ragging on their commercials all that often.

Still, Jan the Toyota Spokeschoad has certainly gone to seed and even if she hadn't, this commercial for the Toyota Summer Sales Event is Peak Dumb.  First, we get the usual "purchasing this truck is your gateway to amazing summer adventures for reals," like it's impossible to complete a backyard project or take a trip to the mountains or the beach unless it's in an SUV masquerading as a work truck.  Never mind that last weekend I lugged 12 bags of volcanic rock home from the Tractor Supply Store in my 2-door Coupe.  Never mind that I regularly use the same car for week-long beach vacations.  I'm sure it would be much easier and, more importantly, FUN and EXCITING in a brand new truck, but I proved it could be done. 

Second, we get a look at what these "trucks" are actually going to be used for- picking up coffee at the Drive-Thru.  Something I'm really quite sure I can pull off in my Coupe but to be safe perhaps better not even attempt it without first purchasing a $30,000 Not-Truck from Jan.  After all, if I'm going to be a typical American truck owner, I'm going to be hauling a lot more drive-thru coffee than landscaping supplies and I'm going to be taking a lot more trips by myself to the store than with family to the beach or the mountains.  Not letting a dog in my car though.  No way.  

CarShield is still Legal in 49 states and DC. That IS scary.

 

Know what's scarier than driving a car that's out of warranty?

Well, actually...pretty much everything is scarier than driving a car out of warranty.  I've always said that buying a new car because it comes with a warranty is one of the dumbest sucker bet in retail- sure the warranties are legit in that they'll cover everything they say they'll cover, but they are also timed to last exactly until the new car's peak years have passed.  Three years, 30,000 miles?  Yeah, it's AFTER that point when you'll need new brakes, replacement parts, etc. etc. ETC.  NOT before.  So what did you actually get with that warranty?  Peace of mind?  Why were you concerned that a brand new car was going to fail within three years, 30,000 miles, especially when you specifically BOUGHT a new car because you didn't want to deal with the problems that come with a used one?  Did you really think this through?

Here's what I find scary- the idea that after class-action lawsuits by multiple Attorneys General, this scummy company is still hiring B-listers to pitch their crap to people who can't be bothered to do a quick Google search using the phrase CARSHIELD SCAM REPORTS or IS CARSHIELD A SCAM.  That there are thousands of people who continue to purchase BS warranties not worth the pieces of paper they aren't printed on from a company because its spokespeople are kind of recognizable.  That CarShield can settle for millions of dollars for deceptive practices and failure to pay out claims and STILL be able to afford to pitch it's phony not-available-in-California non-coverage to unsuspecting, vulnerable people who can least afford to hand over money and then find out that no, sorry, if you looked at the contract you'd note that the repair cannot be done without servicing one part which is not covered Because Reasons remember you were told All Covered Repairs are Covered, not that all repairs are covered there is a huge difference....

"Someone should help her."  You could do that right now- by urging her to put the money she was tempted to send to CarShield every month and put it into a separate high-yield savings account instead.  If the car breaks down, there's the money in that account to fix it.  If the car doesn't break down, there's the money in that account to spend in some other way.  Best of all, CarShield doesn't get to use any of it to hire has-beens for their commercials or attorneys to handle the next class action lawsuit.  Now isn't that much, much better?

Cheerios- just...why?

 

Hey look, it's a depiction of an adult American male acting like a total cringey doofus in a commercial.  So we know it's the 21st century in this ad, anyway.

I get that for decades, women were infantilized in stupid, sexist commercials written by men, paid for by men, and aired by networks owned by men.  I get that women were cast in stupid, sexist sitcoms written, directed, and produced by men (the sitcom formula of completely normal if not downright ugly men matched with hot younger women is very much alive and well even in present day.)  But I was raised to believe that two wrongs don't make a right.  Apparently this is not a popular philosophy in the world of Advertising, however. 

Moron Dad is back again, mortifying his children by acting like an embarrassing loon at the breakfast table.  His kids just want to eat their morning meal and get a start to their typical eight hours of screentime with their phones, but for some reason Dad has to make a spectacle of himself prancing around the kitchen, prompting the kids to sing (or, at least, bleat) the praises of freaking Cheerios.  Why?  Well, other than to pay those debts accrued over sixty years of portraying women as dopey eye candy, I have no idea. 

As to the product- as far as cereal goes, Cheerios is ok- even better than most.  That being said, it's still just mostly empty carbs nobody really needs in the morning, or at any other time of the day.  An egg or two would be much better, but if Dad ever finds that out, I'm downright terrified at the display he might put on while dishing out a plate of scrambled chicken fetuses.  

"Tell me something good?"  Um, none of our friends is here to witness this, and this is one thing I have no intention of streaming to Tiktok.  There.  

Epicooler: the short version

 

"Epicooler is an air conditioner that functions almost exactly the same way as every other air conditioner, but we'll describe it using words like 'for personal use' and 'non-permanent installation' and  'ambient' to make it sound special- never mind that, again, this describes every other air conditioner."

"Epicooler is 1 percent repackaged AC unit and 99 percent AI-generated scammy nonsense, which is why it's not available at any brick and mortar store or even at Amazon- that's right, this is a bridge too far even for the website that is happy to sell (not)-crystal Good Luck cat heads and robot rabbits that (don't, never did, never will) respond to commands and disappoint delight your child."

"In short, Epicooler is just this month's nonsense Miracle Product designed to grab up a few dollars before vanishing faster than the water vapor that magically vanishes into Nowhere instead of falling to the ground outside your window like every other air conditioner Because Physics.  It's a product that no Boomer unaware that Skynet is actually AI can do without."