Thursday, January 1, 2009

Family Disfunction in Phone Commercials

I will be posting many, many times on the subject of cellphone commercials, because practically all of them- even the ones that DON'T include the "Can You Hear Me Now?" geek- tend to fill me with rage. I'll just give two examples of thoroughly repulsive cellphone commercials right now, and add more as time goes by. Because God Knows, they aren't going to get any better.

1. Daddy announces that he's signed his family up for a new Unlimited Calling Plan (this is pretty common in these commercials, as is the response of the family: No family member EVER says "Thank You," even in the commercials where Daddy hands out phones to wife, daughter, son. EVER.) He says "now we can call people any time we want."

In case the concept of being able to call an unlimited number of people with the new plan isn't quite clear enough for the average tv viewer, members of the family quickly provide examples of people who can now be called: Wife says "now we can call Vivian." Well, I don't know who Vivian is, but if she's a human being living on planet Earth, then yes, I imagine she's included in the Unlimited Calling Plan. Little Boy Sitting on the Floor helpfully adds "and you (daddy) can call that woman you are always staring at at my soccer games." Hmmmm....I guess that's true, young man, if daddy has her phone number. Oddly enough, outing daddy's lust for the strange woman at the soccer game has no impact on mommy.

Finally, freakishly thin daughter, who looks to be about 13, says "and I can call Derek." Father says "you mean mustache, Mustang Derek?" Reminded of how dreamy Derek is, girl sighs "yeah." Father: "Um, no, sorry, there's a 'No Dereks clause in the plan...oh, bummer. Dude."

Groan. Hey dad, how about telling your daughter she's too young to be calling a guy old enough to have a mustache and his own car (seriously, this girl is not over thirteen) instead of concocting some lame falsehood designed to shift the "blame" for not supporting your daughter's infatuation on to a faceless phone company? Seriously. It's called parenting. Stop being afraid of your daughter and set some guidelines. And while you're at it, don't be so obviously terrified in front of your family. And get a new suit- the seventies are over.

2. Family arrives at Christmas Tree Lot to pick out a tree. They are warned by a creepy tree salesman "dont go down (to that part of the lot,) there's no cell phone service there." And one of the kids in the family has his cellphone out, ready to text, talk, surf the internet, etc. at a moment's notice.

What the hell is going on here? The family is out to get a Christmas tree. Is it really so damned hard to be out of contact with the rest of the world for a few fricking minutes while you help your family pick out a Christmas Tree??? What will happen to this kid if he can't get text messages for five minutes?? If I were the father in this family, that phone would be shut off and put away anyway- you are with the family. This is a family function. You don't need to be texting or talking to your friends right now!!

Cell phone companies hate families, because they always show them as groups of people who just happen to live in the same house and are therefore eligible to share calling plans. They hate society, because they encourage people to believe that they must be texting or talking away every waking moment of their lives instead of interacting with the actual people around them. So, I hate cell phone companies. And their commercials, which always, always suck.

No comments:

Post a Comment