It started with "Saaaaaaved byyyyyy zeeeeeeeeeeero" which would appear, without fail, at every commercial break during every college and pro football game, every weekend, like clockwork. I thought I would never loathe anything more than this nonstop mantra which felt like sewing needles entered my brain.
But now, I am nostalgic for the days when people sang about being saved by Zero. Because what has invaded my television set and absolutely RUINED my football viewing is far, far worse.
It involves a bunch of apparently inbred hicks spending their weekend driving trucks through some Obstacle Course of Death, all the while screaming "WOOOOHOOOOOO" and "AWW MAN" and "GOGOGOGOGO!" while offering pearls-of-wisdom observations about the trucks they are driving, like "it's got a too'box an' stuff" and "you can throw some fishin poles an' hammers an' stuff (you know you are a real man when you check out the fishin pole and hammer capacity of your potential truck purchase, I guess) in between trying to maneuver these Real Man Machines between swinging logs (get the allusion? GET IT?) and explosions.
And as if this weren't enough to send me diving for the mute button at every break in the football action, they've gotten even worse lately- now you've got these worthless hicks trying to describe the noise the truck makes- "it's goin' mmmmm.." "It's kind of like, Grrrrrr...." "you put your foot down, an' it's kind of sayin RRRRRRR..." before retreating back to familiar ground with "WOHOO" and the Speaks For Itself "YEAH!!"
I can't remember a series of commercials that have made me want to put my foot through my screen more, or a series which has caused me to miss more minutes of football because I've jammed down the mute button, walked away, and forgotten to hit it again. And they are on ALL THE TIME, during EVERY FOOTBALL GAME. Damn you, Car and Truck Industry. May you burn in hell.