Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Can you imagine Derek Jeter getting snarked on like this?

Commercial for the new video game MLB 09 The Show, featuring Dustin Pedroia of the Boston Red Sox on the cover:

Pedroia asks the "Director of Game Development" a question- "this new game shows I can't hit the high inside fastball. You're gonna change that, right?"

Fat choad sitting at desk: "Well Dustin, here at MLB 09 The Show, we pride ourselves on accuracy. So we're going to keep things as they are. It's called integrity."

Pedroia: "Oh, I'm sorry. I was busy polishing my MVP trophy. How many MVPs you know who can't hit that pitch?"

At this point, the Fat Choad Sitting At Desk has been totally owned, and it's time for him to come clean and admit that he screwed up, and it's time to agree to change the game. What do we get instead?-

"Other than you? Hmmmm...."

2007 ALCS, Game 7- Sox v. Indians- with the Red Sox clinging to a 3-2 lead, Dustin Pedroia sends a high inside fastball into the seats above Fenway's Green Monster, making the score 5-2 and propelling Boston to it's second American League Pennant in four years.

2007 World Series, Game 1- Sox v. Rockies- Dustin Pedroia sends the second pitch he sees as lead-off batter into the seats above Fenway's Green Monster. It's the same pitch- a high and inside fastball.

Nope, Dustin Pedroia can't hit that pitch. Except, perhaps, when the Pennant or the World Series is on the line.

Here's how the commercial goes if it's Derek Jeter with a problem concerning his game character:

"Hey, your MLB 09 The Show says I have the range of a lame box turtle at Shortstop, and that it's only a matter of time before A-Rod knocks me out of my position. You're gonna fix that, right?"

Fat idiot at MLB 09- "We pride ourselves on accuracy. It's called integrity."

(Jeter shows a few clips of himself making ridiculously exaggerated spins into the air after fielding routine grounders, barely nailing the runner at first while a simple throw with his feet on the ground would have made life much easier for the first baseman and beaten the runner by a yard or two.)

Fat idiot at MLB 09-- "Gulp! I'm so sorry Derek, we'll get right on fixing that error right away! We're not worthy! We're not worthy!"

Here's a tip, MLB 09- if you are going to snark on a player's weakness, pick a weakness the player actually has. Pedroia is a clutch hitter who has no problem hitting the high inside fastball. Jeter, on the other hand, has the kind of range at shortstop that forced Cal Ripken Jr to accept re-assignment to third base.

It's called integrity. Check it out sometime.

1 comment:

  1. Reading your account of the dialogue in that game ad makes the concept perfectly clear to me. It's not obvious when just hearing Pedroia say it.

    Yes, if it was Jeter, the Michael Jordan of baseball, the video game would be rigged to exaggerate his abilities. If it was A-Rod, he'd just sit there mute while someone else did all the talking -- like the truck driver in that Pepsi ad.