Sunday, April 19, 2009

I need an App for this?

"Say you are looking for an apartment closer to college. There's an App for that. Or you need a good price on a used Geometry book. There's an App for that."

Well, thank goodness. Because we all know how hard it is to find an apartment these days. It's not like the local newspaper provides a list of available apartments for rent (wouldn't it be awesome if it did? Why hasn't anyone ever thought of this??) or there are any stores which sell books or even places where you can just borrow books for free ( I have so many great ideas, why don't I run this country??)

Seriously, though, it's a damn good thing that once you've dropped $300 on a gaudy "look what I've got" conversation piece/social contact substitute and another monthly fee for an "App" (is there something wrong with the word "Application?" Are we ultimately doomed to reducing the English language to "words" that are easier to spell and text? OMIGD tht wld suk lol) you can save four bucks on a used Geometry book.

And why did you need the $300 phone and Additional Fee Required "App?" So you could find an apartment and a used Geometry book? Really? Did that line work on your parents, or the stupid little voice that occasionally replaces your brain in the reasoning process?

I also like the commercial where the guy shakes his phone so it can display, like the screen of a one-armed bandit in Vegas, restaurants in the area. I have yet to see anyone actually shaking their phones like that, but I promise to do my best not to beat that person senseless when I do.

Seriously, people who think they need these phones to do things that were mysteriously both possible and rather easy before these electronic security blankets came along aren't what I'd call especially bright. But I feel the same way about the morons I encounter on a regular basis who suddenly can't drive fifteen feet without one of these things attached to their faces, or take a walk in the park with their kids without blathering about nothing to whoever is Not Actually There At The Moment. These idiots need therapy.

Is there an App for that?


  1. You really wonder about people and cellphones. I was in a restaurant one time when a woman with two beautiful little children came in and were seated. Of course, she was yakking on her cell while her kids were desperately trying to get her attention. I wanted to scream "Put down your effing phone and talk to your children!" Is there an app for being a good parent?

  2. I want to yell at people I see in the park every single weekend gabbing away on phones while walking with their kids. Here's a chance to get to know your offspring better- ask them about school, point out the different flowers and birds, play a game- and instead the kid is just walking silently, and the parent or parents is just blathering or texting away. It's really heartbreaking sometimes.