One day I was in High School, and Jamie Lee Curtis was dropping jaws all over the country by stripping off a supertight top and giving us an unforgettable three seconds of full frontal nudity. What we could never have guessed was hiding under her rather drab, almost Puritan coverings in Halloween and Halloween II was right there for us to enjoy for a brief moment in Trading Places. And later, we get to see her in all her bubbly, bouncy glory wearing short shorts and Pippy Longstocking pigtails- awesome.
I blink, and suddenly there's Jamie Lee Curtis again- but she's not displayed on a massive piece of canvas at the local drive-in (partially because there isn't one.) She's not even entertaining us from the downtown Cineplex-6. She's on my television set, looking thrilled as all get-out at the opportunity to tell middle-aged women about Activa, The Yogurt That Keeps You Regular.
It hits me. Hard. Jamie Lee Curtis is a Middle-Aged Woman, fit only for commercials in which she delights other middle-aged women with the News that Great-Tasting Activa can help ensure Regular Bowel Movements through some added chemical or something....ugh. Former Sex Symbol Jamie Lee Curtis, pitching yogurt. And seemingly very happy about it.
It seems almost inevitable that one day I'll see Phoebe Cates trying to sell me FiberCon and Jennifer Jason Leigh pitching for ExLax. Because it's suddenly become the mission of the advertising industry to Make Me Feel Old. Very, Very Old.
And if I feel old now, how do you think Jamie Lee Curtis will feel when she gets replaced as Activa's spokeswoman by Catherine Zeta-Jones in a year or two?