For some reason, ETrade thought it would be a good idea to present a YouTube-quality commercial featuring a wildly gesturing baby staring into the camera as a bad voice-over feeds us nasty snark about the baby's "golf partner" being unable to follow the rules of investing, or golf, or both, or something.
Look, when you use a baby to sell a product- ANY product, you've totally run out of ideas. You are willing to let some dipshit parents exploit their kids in commercials for products real babies couldn't give a damn about or even begin to understand. But because we are a nation of mouth-breathing knuckle-draggers who think exploding cars and fart jokes are FRICKING AWESOME, E-Trade can shovel out this slop and we'll eat it up and ask for more.
Of course, the "baby" is a total ass, trashing his (father's?) portfolio management skills and golf game, suggesting that if he doesn't get his act together the baby will have to "bail him out" in the future. When the pathetic adult apologizes to this rude creep, the baby responds "read the rule book, Shankasaurus."
Oh, WTF-ever, E-Trade. Some of us who have achieved Upright Status have noticed that babies aren't automatically funny just because they are in commercials using dubbed voices. And some of us who have learned to chew gum and walk at the same time long ago got tired of the "smartass kid disses dad" motif. I hope dad leaves the little brat in the locker room- find your way out of that highchair all by yourself, you know it all little prick.
Actually, "Lowest Common Denominator" is not completely accurate- there's a way E-Trade can sink lower. It can use a chimp. And I suspect those commercials are not that far off.