Monday, May 18, 2009

Nice to meet you. While we're on the subject, ask your doctor about....

Old guy is sitting on a lawn chair at a backyard barbecue, with a bat balanced between his legs. Young guy walks up to him and asks, "you aren't playing?"

"Not with these legs" old guy sighs. I've got P.A.D."

Young guy: "Peripheral artery disease?"

Ok, stop right there. Have I been living on another planet for the past year or so? Has Peripheral Artery Disease suddenly become as common and well-known as Swine Flu, or what? If I were the old guy, I would have fallen out of my chair in surprise that I just happened to bump into someone who knew what "P.A.D" means without any further explanation.

But wait- this young guy not only knows what P.A.D. means, he also knows all about this drug called Plavix, which (I'll be damned!) may provide relief for some people who suffer from this disease. For the next thirty seconds or so, Young Guy regales Old Guy with the rundown on Plavix, including possible side effects and the usual admonition that "Plavix is not for everybody" (why do we always need to be told this? Are there really people out there who share their prescription drugs with others?) And all this time, Old Guy takes this all in as if it's perfectly normal that Young Guy who just happened to ask why he's not playing ball is a freaking expert on the subject of P.A.D. and Plavix.

According to the official website, "Heart-related chest pain, heart attack, ischemic stroke (the most common type of stroke) are all serious medical conditions." What? Heart Attacks and Strokes are "serious medical conditions?" Stop the presses!!! And "poor circulation of the legs, which may cause heaviness and pain in the legs, which may be relieved by rest" is also a serious condition- maybe. Or, it might be the normal result of overexertion. Melon-sized tumors, beheadings, impalements, and unconciousness caused by complete immersion in water for more than six hours are all serious conditions as well- why aren't they mentioned in the commercial for Plavix?

I'm still trying to understand how Old Guy just happened to bump into a Walking Medical Dictionary just sitting on a chair. I'd also like to see one of these commercials end with the recipient of the unsolicited advice explaining to the "helpful" know-it-all that he is capable of discussing his condition with his doctor and getting good medical help without the prodding of strangers, Thanks Anyway. Nosy dick.

1 comment:

  1. Nowadays, a disease isn't real unless it's a "syndrome" or it has a two or three letter abbreviation and "see your doctor about" medication in television ads. RLS, RA, PAD, ED, GRD -- you have to develop the jargon if your supposed disease is going to take hold and the pharmaceutical companies are going to make some money from it.