Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Having said all this, I really do enjoy using my "grill"

Former Heavyweight Champion of the World/Ex-sitcom star/grill peddler George Foreman has joined the Debt Relief Racket in a big way, with commercials he narrates himself.

First, he uses basically the same script as all the other "debt relief" scam artists do- "you're a good person. You want to pay your bills. Stop the harassing phone calls. Settle your debt for pennies on the dollar. Blah blah blah."

But then he gives us his "own story:" "Twenty years ago, I was heavily in debt. I found a system which permitted me to pull myself back up and get my financial house in order, and I can show you how to do it, too. With the George Foreman Debt Fighter Program."

I'm not going to call the 800 number, but I wonder if George Foreman's "Anyone can do it" Debt Fighter program includes:

1. Putting on a pair of boxing trunks and getting $50,000 for your first fight in 12 years against a guy who has been knocked out a dozen times previously.

2. Getting into the ring every few weeks against Ken Lakusta, Charlie Hostettler, Steve Zouski, Guido Trane and a whole crowd of other bums who you outweigh by roughly 100 lbs and are absolutely terrified of you long before they enter the ring- and get between $50,000 and $100,000 for each outing.

3. Getting a multimillion-dollar fight with Gerry Cooney, who hadn't fought for two years previous and could always be counted on to fold like a lawn chair the first time he hit someone who could actually hit back.

4. Get multiple title shots with base salaries of $5 mil- $10 mil each.

5. Become the pitchman for a double-sided electric frying pan (sorry, "grill") which is slanted to allow grease to roll off it during the cooking process (brilliant.)

6. Sell interest in said "grill" for $137 million a few years later.

I actually think it would be really funny if customers invested $29.95 for Foreman's "Debt Fighter Secrets" and were sent the list I just compiled for free. I wonder why Foreman doesn't call this his "Knock Out the Debt" program- maybe Salton Industries owns the "Knock Out The--" trademark?

Did Foreman lose all the money he made during his comeback in the 1990s? Or is he just another Magic Johnson for Rent A Center, who believes that there's simply no such thing as too much dough? Either way- come on, George, there's a more honest way to make a buck than this. I think we are long overdue for another Cooney comeback.

No comments:

Post a Comment