Monday, March 22, 2010

With Passion this Powerful, Why do these people need drugs?

In their new commercials, the marketers of Cialis go beyond the usual "when the moment is right wink wink nod nod" stomach-churning bilge and enter the world of the downright bizarre. Now, we see that incidental human contact is often enough to trigger irresistible sexual urges in middle-aged, decidedly unattractive couples so powerful that it can cause furniture to dissolve, walls to fold away, and laundry baskets to magically transform into wine-and-cheese-laden tables.

Let's just look at one of these weird trips into the bizzaro world- a very prosperous looking man and woman are spending the day painting their palatial estate when their hands happen to touch during an exchange of brushes. Their eyes meet- and as they stare at each other thinking I Don't Want to Know What, the house they've been busy redecorating literally collapses around them. The half-painted walls become trees. The carpet becomes grass. Chairs slide away as if pushed aside by the hand of the Allmighty, who is clearly so anxious that these two No Longer Fertile But Lets Assume Married people have sex ASAP that He sees the need for personal intervention. The couple is by no means horrified at the sight of their living space disappearing around them in response to their sudden sexual re-awakening. I guess I should be grateful that there were no kids in the house to be transformed into lawn gnomes or some other inanimate objects.

As the commercial continues, the house vanishes altogether, and now the couple is in a sylvan glen. Now they are walking along the banks of a quiet stream. And now I'm really confused and wondering if I missed the whole point of the commercial- my dirty mind interpreted "when the moment is right" to mean that these people wanted to have sexual relations, when in fact it just meant that they wanted to take a walk?

Of course, the ad ends with our couple sitting in separate bathtubs, outside. This makes perfect sense. I know that when I feel "in the mood," what I really want is to get outside as quickly as possible, walk through the woods, and sit in a bathtub by myself.

While I'm sitting in that bathtub, maybe I'll take a moment to reflect on what the hell just happened to my house. And what I'm going to do when it's time to get out of that tub.

1 comment:

  1. The Canadian ads for Cialis are just as goofy; one of them had the Cialis couple find out that the police were investigating their disappearance while the current one has the husband being pulled away from his jobsite to have sex.